Braunias on Brown

 Steve Braunias takes apart Len Brown in his usual style:


Most days I take the opportunity to grab a bit of precious me-time, and what I do is I turn off the computer, switch the phone to silent, leave the office without telling my personal assistant where I’m going, take the lift down to the car park, jump into my V6 Holden Commodore with the Holden-IQ Enhanced Bluetooth and leather-wrap premium multifunction steering wheel, drive to a pristine Auckland beach, take off my Giorgio Armani dark-brown leather loafers which cost 748 (about NZ$1200), kneel down and put my head in the sand.

If you thought that was bad check out Thursday:

Had dinner with Labour leader David Shearer. It was a bit awkward. Our ability to discern the quality of the food was severely limited by the fact that our hands were tied, and complicating things even further is that we were sitting on our hands.

“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m not very hungry.”

“Neither am I,” I said.

I listened to his stomach howling and he listened to mine. We sat there wasting away until we were just skin and bone, a couple of ragged scarecrows, two hollow men.

And Friday isn’t much better:

Had dinner with John Key.

He said, “So I hear you’ve lost the common touch.”

I said, “Well, I hope so.”

He said, “Yeah. It drags you down.”

I said, “Who needs it?”

He said, “Exactly. Hey. Can you do this?”

I watched as he unscrewed his head, and let it float up to the ceiling. He said, “Come on up, Len. You can do it!”

A second later, I looked down from the ceiling and said to him, “I love your moccasins. Are they Armani?”


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  • Is Steve a Kiwi or still just a citizen?