Braunias on Shearer…again

Timaru Herald

Steve Braunias again takes a peek at David Shearer’s diary:


There’s a story I’d like to share with you.

It’s the story of a man.

He wasn’t an old man. But neither was he a new man. He was a new, new man.

A new, new man with vision and purpose and focus and things like that! A new, new man who wants to take New Zealand to a new, new place! I’m thinking Finland.

Let’s all go to Finland.

There’s only four million of us. No-one will notice.

The “New New Zealand” theme is ridiculous.


Where was I?

Oh yes.

Sierra Leone, or was it Sri Lanka?

Whatever. The point is that I was given a job of taking exam papers across the front line from the government side to the rebel side.

It meant travelling down a single road that was mined on either side.

Eventually we got the exam papers around the various schools.

I stopped to talk at one place to community leaders about why exam papers – of all things – were so important to them.

I asked them: why hadn’t we brought them medicine, or food, that were critically in short supply?

I still remember their answer.

They told me that we were all players in an anecdote that I would one day use to stunning effect as leader of the Labour Party.

I’m not sure an exam paper delivery man qualifies anyone for being a political leader.


The devil is in the details.

So let’s not go there. What I’m getting at is that it’s time for me to wrap things up with a resounding message of hope.

So let’s all put our best foot forward, straighten our backs, swing our arms, whistle a merry tune, and I’ll see you all in Helsinki. Cheers!

Apart from the lone fan bois at The Standard not a single person has praised David Shearer’s speech, now he is being openly mocked.


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  • Peter Wilson

    Shearer is getting more embarrassing by the moment. His back story of saving the world is bad enough, but a “new” New Zealand, and comparing us to Finland? I wonder how many Kiwi’s actually know where Finland is? Most probably think it’s the equivalent of Marineland, but on the Gold Coast where all the Sharks hang out.

    • Mike Smith

       According to a newspaper poll 82% of NZers know where Finland is.

      • Ronnie Chow

           Nah , that was Lapland at the Splash Club.

      • Gazzaw

        What question did the paper ask? What hemisphere? What continent? What planet?

        I really cannot believe that 82% of Kiwis would know that Finland was even in Europe

      • EpochNZ

         Maybe thats the poll the MUNZ members ended up rigging by mistake??

      • Bunswalla

        Before National Standards it was only 67%

      • Peter Wilson

        I can just imagine the question:

        Do you know where Finland is?  How many people would realistically say no.

    • jay cee

      part of the northern europe aka scandinavia actually.

    • Dr Wang

      No, Shearer didn’t claim to save the world – he only claimed to have saved “50 million lives”.

  • Vlad

    Shearer has been a special gift for Steve Braunias.  His stuff wasn’t all that funny before but he seems to be able to channel dithering dave.

    • Dr Wang

      True Vlad, Braunias has traditionally been wincingly try-hard and un-funny – but with a vein of comedy gold like dopey Dave, he can’t miss!

  • Nik86

    Kiwi’s what?

  • Mike Smith

    Love it! Shearer is in the job less than a nano-second and already the knives are out.

  • Cadwallader

    Shearer:…and Rowling was seen as weak and ineffectual? The comparison with Finland is absurd. Finland doesn’t have a race-based grievance industry to fetter its enterprise but rather, has a history of united strength in its travails with the Russians.

    • johnbronkhorst

      Have at least a feeling for Rowling…he inherited as mess from Kirk, mostly down to Kirks complete inaction on important issues (dwindalling electricity supplies at the time). Kirk was only seen and built up as some kind of hero by the labour party, enhanced by the fact that he was the only PM to die in office, and we shouldn’t speek ill of the dead. Doesn’t change the reality of the mess he left!

      • Cadwallader

        I wasn’t criticising Rowling, but undeniably he had a weak persona. (I recall largely thanks to Sir Bob Jones.) It is Shearer who seems to be soft and ineffectual.

    • ChrisH4

      It also has a history of siding with the Nazi’s – even had a Swastika on its flags… (On the basis that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” – pretty much the same as Winston did with the other side).

  • mara

    Have some sympathy for the guy. After all who the hell would want his job. Oh wait …

  • johnbronkhorst

    Still think he is a directionless idiot!! His words indicate he wants to drag (not lead) labour to the centre of politics. But his statement re CGT and dropping of $5000 threshold shows it is the same old tax everything labour we all know. And as leader he can’t see, that his caucus is heading more left by affiliating themselves with the MUNZ. Summary, he is pointing saying he is heading in one direction, while actually holding his course and as he “says follow me, his supposed “followers” are heading in the oposite direction. Only David is not confused by this, because he doesn’t understand it!

  • Adolf Fiinkesein

    Believe me, truth is stranger than satire.

    About fifteen years ago a NZ born Presbyterian theological lecturer retired from a mission in the Indonesian province of Acheh.  The old boy did a tour of NZ addressing regional presbyteries.

    He delivered a heart rending forty minute dissertation on the plight of the local Christians who were being, persecuted, raped, pillaged and murdered.

    At the conclusion when questions were encouraged, I stood up and asked what we could do from here that would best assist these people in their mortal plight.

    The instantaneous reply:

    “Send for theological lecturers.”

    No, I’m not kidding.

  • Markm

    Whale , you and all the media have it wrong.
    Shearer is not referring to a New New Zealand , he was just stuttering

  • Adolf Fiinkesein

    Earlier comment should read:-

     “Send more theological lecturers.”

    • Bunswalla

      It’s OK – we get it