It’s Not OK

The Telegraph

Domestic violence is never ok, neither is psychological violence. Far too many excuse it, sweep it under teh carpet or layt the blame on others.

Men who beat their wives, emotionally or physically are gutless cowards…at least Denis Waterman isn’t hiding behind name suppression:

Denis Waterman claims that he punched his ex-wife Rula Lenska twice, but insists “She certainly wasn’t a beaten wife, she was hit and that’s different.” Ah, that’s all right then. The man who most of us remember as ex-boxer Terry McCann in “Minder” goes on to dig himself a little deeper: “It’s not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her”.

I don’t know which statement makes me more furious – taken together, they paint the portrait of a thug and a woman-hater. Waterman, who spewed this odious stuff to Piers Morgan on his TV chat show (to be aired next month on ITV), did say he was “ashamed” of his disgusting behaviour. But he went on to whine, in what sounded an awful lot like an attempt to justify his actions, “The problem with strong, intelligent women is that they can argue well. And if there is a time where you can’t get a word in… and I… I lashed out.”

So you see, women ask for it: the “it” here is a punch rather than rape, but I wouldn’t want to guess what the actor says about women in miniskirts. Instead of keeping mum when the husband (drunk, by his own account) starts rowing, the strong and intelligent woman dares answer back. She argues – and what’s worse, she argues well. How very dare she?  When a clever woman talks she makes a stupid man feel inferior, and he can’t have that: so if he can’t beat her in an argument, he’ll just beat her.


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  • Sarrs

    If I clocked a bloke, I would thoroughly deserve to be clocked back. It wouldn’t make me a battered woman or a victim, it would make me dumber than a sack of hammers for clocking a bloke (or anyone) in the first place. 

  • Pete George

    “Lashing out” is a weakness, a lack of personal control. Making excuses for it indicates a lack of personal responsibility.

    A dud thug.

  • MP

    I wonder how his story would have been viewed if he had claimed his physical outburst was a brief retaliation following months of relentless verbal and pschological torment from his wife.
    Your opening sentence said psychological violence is never OK.  When was the last time you heard of someone being charged with psychological violence? Just because it leaves no visible scars doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.  It can easily get to the point where you will do anything just to make it stop. Not saying this is what happened… just saying…

    • Pete George

      “It can easily get to the point where you will do anything just to make it stop. ”

      Easy, walk away before you lose your rag.

      “Anything” can escalate to assault, serious assault, manslaughter, murder.

      • Blair Mulholland

         What if she follows you?  Blocks the door, won’t let you leave?

      • Karlos

        Blair, you throw her down the stairs, just ask Tony Veitch

    • tspoon

      Violence isn’t okay. What the majority of DV advocates omit to inform us is that males are not in fact the primary instigators of DV. For heterosexual couples around 50% of incidents involve reciprocal violence in which both parties acknowledge responsibility for the violence. Of the remaining cases in which only one party initiated violence, the split is 70/30 female/male. Overall, that becomes an 85/65 split.
       When confronted with this information, many point to the fact that females, generally being smaller than males, are substantially more likely than males to be injured in such cases. Which is true. However, also true, is the fact that the single factor most likely to reduce the amount of injuries suffered by females, would be to advise them therefore not to initiate violence in domestic situations.


      • Bunswalla

        First, can we discuss your maths? Not quite sure how 85 and 65 add up to 100%
        I think you mean 60/40 which is the correct calculation of your figures.

        Second, I call bullshit on those figures. Suggesting that 60% of DV incidents are “instigated” (by which you must mean throwing the first punch) is rubbish.

        Please supply the sources of your numbers for verification, or stop posting misogynistic tripe.  

      • Steve P

        Take your pick, Bunswalla:

      • tspoon

        bit late, however:

        If 50% of DV is reciprocal, and the remainder 70/30 then in any violent situation the female is 85% likely to display violence, the male 65%. sorry if that math is too confusing Bunswalla. 

  • Steve P

    From the Telegraph article: “The days when a woman with brains is abused by a man with brawn are not over…”

    Uh huh. If he is such a thug and she is so smart, what is she doing with him in the first place? D’ya think perhaps the guy who was the president of the maths club wasn’t quite manly enough for her?

    No sympathy from me for a woman who thinks with her pussy and then goes crying to everyone else when her big, tough, manly ex-boxer husband turns out to be a big, tough, manly ex-boxer thug…

  • Peter Wilson

    I have some sympathy for what Waterman is clumsily trying to get at. Many women have developed the skill to press the right buttons and get the response they are seeking. And when the man snaps, it’s like a gotcha moment and the woman wins, almost smiling as she’s now got something to hold over him. 

    I’ve got no time at all for those that say “theres no excuse for violence.” Walk away? A little naive once the buttons have been pressed.

    The answer is to learn how to argue, and prevent it getting to that stage in the first place. Use the woman’s tactics back at her. “Ah, you’re being argumentative/contrary now, so thats the end of that conversation.”  

    • Steve P

      For her book, “Women’s Infidelity: Living in Limbo” Michelle Langley interviewed in depth 123 divorced women. She found that there were “cases where women deliberately tried to provoke their husbands into striking them because they calculated it would be to their advantage in the looming child-custody dispute…” and that “Some of the women couldn’t believe the things their husbands were willing to put up with.”

    • Steve P

      Bill Burr: Women are assholes…

  • Pete George

    Of course both men and women push buttons to antagonise and anger. Snapping is losing.

    “A little naive once the buttons have been pressed.”

    So know when and how to avoid it. If your natural reaction is to try and hurt someone when you snap you have a problem. I’m not usually a snapper but I have done and felt like physically exploding at something, but never at a person.

    Many people can get pissed and not feel a desire to kick someone to death in an alley. Some simply use booze as an excuse to be violent, it tends to block emapthy with the victim.

    Verbal violence can be bad, but physical violence is more instantly dangerous. One punch can kill or permanently disable, therefore should be avoided – without making excuses.