The West is doomed

West Auckland that is, where people have taken to aflicting their children with Silly First Name Syndrome. Only pain and suffering comes from Silly First Names.

Ruby and Liam were among the most popular baby names in New Zealand last year but in West Auckland be prepared to come across Unique or Hannibal.

Many parents in the west are proud to give their children names that are a little different.

Shaela Nathan and John Tike of Henderson are parents to 10-month-old Hurricayn Rob and his 2-year-old sister Riivah Jayde.

Miss Nathan says her children’s names reflect their personalities.

“Riivah was pretty hard to name and it took three weeks before one stuck. She’s really calm and quiet,” Miss Nathan says.

“But when Hurricayn came out the midwife said he was loud and proud. When he cried you could hear him from the letterbox.

“Hurricayn also matches the season he was born in because when I went into labour it was 3am and pouring with rain.”

Miss Nathan has always liked unusual names but her parents were shocked by her choices.

“They were like `why’d you name him that for?’ but you only have to spend five minutes with him to know why. He’s going to be a rugby player for sure.”

Suburbs rugby premier team coach Ramsey Tomakino says he’s come across some unusual names during his three years with the Waitakere team.

“Last year we had Hannibal, Nissan and Rambo – we have lots of people who say they like seeing our team lists because of the names.”


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  • Le Sphincter

    Isnt there someone in the national hierarchy using the first name Honourable?
    n’est pas ?

    • Wayne

      Correct, because they can carry the title legitimately, unlike anyone in the Labour Party. 

    • davewin

      And dear Winston is Right Honourable so what?


    Hey, no-one would mess with a kid named Rambo or Hannibal

    • Gazzaw

      Hope he doesn’t turn out to be gay.

    • davewin

      Imagine if Cam gets his way and men can marry one another. Does Hannibal get to ride Rambo or an elephant?

  • Allyson

    The answer guys is to deedpoll change your OWN name to something stupid, not to force such silliness onto our innocents .

  • johnopkb

    Pikers, the lot of them…. 
    for some properly bizarre christenings

  • Angrywasp

    There were twins I went to primary school called ‘Benson’ and wait for it ‘Hedges’ needless to say it was a few years before I ‘got’ it because I was just a kid.. I wonder whatever becam of those two..

  • In Vino Veritas

    The issue is that the parents have such low IQ’s that they don’t realise that their children will grow up to regret the daft names. For goodness sake, they were so excruciatingly dense they couldnt even look up a dictionary to see how to spell hurricane or river.

  • Wayne

    Parents who lack any grey matter between their ears. The children should be removed to alternative custody on the basis of abuse.

  • Mark

    Anyone care to put a wager down on the likely ethnicity of Hurricayn Rob and Riivah Jayde?

  • Mark

    Oh, I’ve just viewed the link and accompanying photo. I was right and bets are now off.

    • 4077th

      Looks like their lawn mower is fucked as well!

  • ConwayCaptain

    In France there is a list of approved names and the registrar is entitled to refuse to name kids with names like these

    • 4077th

      Didn’t stop someone naming their kid Le Sphincter !

      • Le Sphincter

        Thats because l’epaulard was taken and Les Blacks was copyrighted

      • 4077th

        They could have at least disguised it a little better eg. pièce de bague

      • Pukakidon

         It used to be Philip but it did not fully describe his personality, so he changed it.

  • Hang him

    These Kids have 100% chance of going in to the court system, the worst the name and spelling the worst crime committed, usually CYPs as well.

  • What’s wrong with Hannibal? A good solid Carthagian name.

    The rest are daft.

  • Hagar

    Reminds me of the old joke about …”two dogs f…..g” hahaha

  • Agent BallSack

    2 kids that go to school with my daughter – Heavenly & Blade.

  • Spmcg

    Those will look just fine on their McDonald’s name-tags later in life.

  • dutyfreenzsbro

    worked with someone , surname Cash , as in Johnny named their kid Paydon …..


    A few names from my time at Waikato Hospital………..Ugly, Boy, Chardon, Holden, and Ford
     I think the third name reflects the state of the Mother!

  • AngryTory

    Just goes to show – if you love your kids, don’t send ’em to a state school.

    They won’t even learn to spell: all they learn is how to bludge