World Class at Being Boring


I want to see a freak show Olympics where atheletes use every drug known and untested to max out their performance…the current Olympics with their insistence that the atheletes are all drug free 9which they aren’t ) is simply boring…let’s see just how fast someone can run the 100m. But basically the olympics and most of their sport are simply boring. Basically they are non-commercial sports…for purists:

The London Olympics are a festival of athletics for athletics’ sake, a carefully choreographed celebration of branding, and an international pissing contest among global powers. They are all about pageantry and control—for the duration of the games, London has essentially transformed itself into a totalitarian state. Anthems will be played, what would normally be an unseemly amount of nationalistic chest-beating will be allowed, and at the end of it, the countries with the most money to blow on training programs will emerge at the top of the medal leaderboard. You can be upset by any or all of this, or proud, but by the end you’ll almost certainly be tired by the whole fucking thing. That’s because the Olympics are amazingly boring.

We don’t normally watch gymnastics and weightlifting and swimming and diving and dressage and the triathlon, because these things aren’t any fun to watch. At the highest level, they’re incredibly impressive athletic feats that tax the human body to its utmost limits, but so what? When I’m sitting on my couch, my awe at an olympian’s physical prowess wears off after a minute; after that, I have no idea which 14-year-old gymnast is doing what better, or how, unless one of them falls, and from the couch, the triathlon is nothing but a couple hundred people doing something horrible I’m glad I’m not doing. The TV angles on swimming reduces racers to splashes which look like they’re all basically even with each other. Running events are either thrilling and over in ten seconds, or insufferable chores that go on and on and are about as exciting as watching grass grow (sex joke goes here, amiright ladies?). Archery sounds cool until you see it. Ditto for fencing. Rowing doesn’t even sound cool. Dressage is just watching horses walk around. Volleyball and ping pong are surprisingly entertaining, in a stoned-at-2-PM-what’s-on-TV kind of way, but watching an entire game (or set, or whatever) gets dull about the time the weed wears off.



THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • Michael

    Have a read of this:

    Larry Niven has written a good story on just about every topic.

  • not happy days

    fun aside you guys, we’ve got to get serious about our council

  • Mediaan

    How dare a bureaucracy okay the spending of twelve billion pounds on this minor spectacle.

    Who do they think they are?

    How are the London sewers looking these days? How good is the water system? Have all those bridges been tested carefully for cracks lately?

    Yes, playing games and improving physical competence is healthy for our young people. But they could just as easily have done it at the local park, with billeted visiting teams, the way they used to.

    The claimed increase in visor spending, for local business, is often a fantasy. Ask Greece. People stayed away that year, to avoid the crowds.

  • Love the video, thanks for sharing!

  • Jaffa

    Yeah, stop the drug testing, let’s see how fast they can go!

    The cheats could be the ones NOT taking drugs, and winning!

  • Bunswalla

    I love the Olympics, and I hope I never become the type of cynical care-worn world-weary arsehole that runs down the incredible human endeavour, sacrifice, skill and determination that goes into making it what it is.

    I remember the 2011 RWC for the way the whole country got behind it, and for how good it felt when we won. Yes, I know it’s only a game, but so what?