Braunias on Judge Raoul Neave

Steve Braunias has written perhaps his best ever “Secret Diary…of  Judge Raoul Neave“:


One finds one remains in hot water over this silly business about the poor man who drove over the Korean.

The gutter press was full of it this morning. It quite put me off my breakfast.

“Darling,” said the old girl, “you haven’t touched your boiled egg. Would you like me to cut your toast into soldiers?”

I put on a brave face, and said I wasn’t hungry.

In fact I was famished by the time I stepped through the front door of my club.

Tuppy Glossop was in the games room, throwing a dwarf. “Yowsa!”, he cried, as the little fellow flew through a hoop.

He said, “Want a turn? Try your luck with this one. Officially, he’s a midget, not a dwarf; marvellously aerodynamic.”

“No thanks,” I said, and sank into a horsehair armchair.

“Why the long face?”

Tuppy never follows the news. He really has no idea what’s going on in the world. Damned good MP, though.

He sank into the armchair next to mine while I told him all about the case of the Forsyth Barr senior analyst – a pillar of the community, a man with an impeccable character and spotless record, married, a parent, in the top tax bracket – who drove his Saab over a man who upset him.

I told him it wasn’t a hit and run because spotless pillars don’t do that.

Tuppy broke wind. “Yowsa!” he cried. “Ah, the old slap on the wrist with a wet bus ticket,” he snorted.

I began telling him about the rest of my judgment – that I’d criticised media interest in the case as “vulgar and prurient” – when I realised he’d snored off.

I went into the dining room to chew it over, but ordered fish pie for my main and custard for dessert.


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  • Ronnie Chow

    …But when the food arrived , I felt a loss of appetite , as my mind flashed back the cold , vicious comments that I had read on Kiwiblog earlier . Thank goodness there were a couple of posts , near the end of the 60 odd comments denouncing me , that came out in support , at least from the legal angle .
    I glanced up at the raindrops running down the slate colored panes in the bay windows , and reflected on the happiness and laughter of the young chap whom I didn’t jail for insurance fraud . Such happiness I could not find in myself . Was it just me , or has the world somehow changed ? They know , they must respect me , for I am the Judge , I am right . They are taunting me . They don’t understand , those wretched journalists , and bloggers ,,and commenters , everyone out there ,that I stand above them , over them , around them . I was chosen , I was chosen to guide the way for all . Oh , why do they hate me so?

    • Random66

      You are quite the story teller Ronnie. I thought your piece yesterday of what life was like in the WO home was clever as well – very visual and funny.