How to fix the lobbying bill

Scott Yorke has found a way to fix the lobbying bill…only make evil people register:

People on the left worry about the ability of big corporations to get their way with politicians, while those on the right probably stress over the malign?influence?of unions and teachers.

Do we then require every person or organisation that wants to lobby an MP to register as a lobbyist?

No, don’t be ridiculous!?We need only make the evil ones do it.

Yes, I can anticipate your objection. How do we decide who is evil, you ask?

He has worked out how to tell who the evil people are.

I’ve got that sorted too. In some cases it will be obvious. For example, if someone?wants to establish an adventure park on the outskirts of Hamilton where visitors can pay to squash puppies with large mallets, it’s pretty clear that their people will need to register as lobbyists if they want to go talking to ministers about changing animal welfare rules.

Similarly, the representatives of any large multinational whose goods?kill millions of people a year even when taken as recommended, are probably going to have to register as lobbyists if they want to engage with politicians about maintaining sales of their death-bringing products.

In situations where there is doubt about the evil of the lobbyists concerned, my plan would require them to register at a separate Register of Possibly Evil Lobbyists. Anyone who put their name on the?Register of Possibly Evil Lobbyists would then have 20 working days to submit an application for a hearing before a special board, which would consider whether or not the lobbyists concerned were genuinely evil, or just misunderstood nice folks.

This Evil Lobbyist Consideration Administration Board (ELCAB) would make its determination, and applicants would have the right to appeal adverse decisions to a higher body, the Evil Lobbyist Consideration Appeal Authority (ELCAA). An appeal to the High Court would be allowed from that body.

Following a determination that a lobbyist is evil, the lobbyist would then register on the Register of Lobbyists.

Don’t laugh, Holly Walker is probably amending her bill as we speak.