A good cat is a dead cat

First we must fatten the penguins….

Then we must motivate soccer players with our economic thoughts

Now Mad Morgan has a new mission – Kill the cats!

Top New Zealand economist Gareth Morgan is launching a campaign to eradicate domestic cats.

Dr Morgan has set up a website called Cats to Go, where he calls the animals sadists and natural-born killers that destroy native wildlife.

Now on this issue I agree with Gareth…cats are evil little creatures, especially feral cats.

– Upside is that girls with problems will have to treat their issue instead of having multiple cats to make them feel better. Remember the 3 cat rule..it must be strictly enforced to just one cat.

– Downside is that a mass cat extinction would reintroduce the bubonic plague through massive rat population growth!

– No guarantee that a mass cat extinction would cause bird populations to grow if the rat population grew too. You are simply replacing an apex predator in that food chain with loads more predators lower down the chain (and a more unhygenic and indiscriminate one at that).

You would have though he might have said “Kill all the feral cats!” but he actually seems determined to kill the domesticated ones too.

Not that I care, I’m a dog lover and don’t really like cats much, but I wonder whether Morgan has issues himself. Given his wealth and his disposition about doing nice things, couldn’t he have simply paid for ten thousand cat collars with a bell on each, which would have warned native birds that a cat was near?

The sound of little bells tinkling through the suburbs and native bushes on the fringes of Wellington would have been known as “Morgan Music”.

Bonus Photo: A Cat for Gareth. Shot this season, but got hung in the tree so the dogs couldn’t retrieve it.

A cat for Gareth


Send in your dead cat photos and I will post them for Gareth…to show that Whaleoil readers are doing their bit.


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  • unitedtribes

    I often wondered why native bird population was greater in Rocky Bay than out in the national park forest. Answer domestic cats. In Rocky Bay there are no rats or stoats so therefore lots of birds.
    I would rather see dogs go myself. They tend to eat little children.

  • Patrick

    Morgan needs to stick to giving dodgy financial advice

  • Pete George

    A dead rat is much better.

    I have a cat to control rodents, and it also gets birds, but mostly sparrows and starlings which are a nuisance trying to nest in the roofspace.

    And the tui, bellbirds and wood pigeons seem to be surviving fine.

    • Same here with my cat.


      Downside is that a mass cat extinction would reintroduce the bubonic plague through massive rat population growth! <<< correct

      You would have though he might have said “Kill all the feral cats!” but he actually seems determined to kill the domesticated ones too. <<< yeah – Feral cats – scourge

    • Moaning Greasy Flyblow

      in my experience most cats won’t go near a big bush rat, and that is where the damage is done by these bastards

  • Lofty

    I have no time for cats, and have shot many on the bush fringes, and a few deep in the bush.
    I once shot one with a bell on it, it was a fair way from civilisation too, and I dont feel bad.
    I take your point in regard to an upset of the predatory balance now that we have any number of vermin roaming and destroying wildlife. We are betweeen a rock and a hard place.

  • Lion_ess

    What a “scoop” for Campbell live – a rivetting, full length interview with the lithspy Gareth on eradicating cats.
    Apparently cat makes good sandwiches, nestled between two slices of bread, a bit of mayo and assorted greeens. Breakfast in Schools problem solved.

  • CJA

    Should stick to his knitting by starting for the Phoenix which I’m sure will happen after the drubbing they got on the weekend. Oh hang on that’s a dumb idea as well. Morgan is clearly full of them.

  • tarkwin

    I reckon the good doctor taken to drinking in the mornings.

  • cows4me

    Have to admit I’m a cat lover but have over the years sent many to that great sand pit in the sky. But with out doubt they have their uses, only have to leave a ton of calf meal in a shed to realise how many rats and mice are around, a cat must be a living nightmare to these little shithouses.
    Is there anything Morgan doesn’t know about? Savour of the planet, maker of bread, Jenny Craig of the penguin world, sportsman extraordinaire , social commentator and now killer of cats, what a man.

    • unitedtribes

      and dont forget that pansy little gay BMW650 motor bike he rides

  • Mickrodge

    I wonder if collars are the answer?

    Any cat without one is far game maybe. But in saying that, our street is teeming with both birds & cats so I do wonder if Gareth is a little naive here.

    And after fucking up our football team I don’t listen to a word the crackpot says anyway.

  • cat lover

    Piss off Morgan. Go back to living off your sons success and playing with penguins.

    Cats are doing what is natural for them,

  • unpcnzcougar

    I live in a place with lots of native birds. If they have chicks and see my cat they dive bomb her. She has caught the odd sparrow but impressively brings in rats the same size as her. I would be more for eradicating Rosella’s. They eat all the native bird’s food and they’re Australian. – Nuff said.

  • Mr_Blobby

    That dipshit Kerridge from the SPCA just about had a baby. Great entertainment.

  • Auto_Immune

    Why doesn’t he use his ‘philanthropy’ to fund free neutering and spaying for cat owners and organisations like the SPCA?

  • 4077th

    Cats are worthless creatures full of cupboard love when they are hungry and vengeful spite when you least expect it. What would you do if your dog bit you and drew blood? I’m pretty sure it would not be far from a lead pill.

    Here is one that is “sleeping with the fishes”

  • LesleyNZ

    My cat is not evil. My cat is a darling. Wish she would eat meat and chase those noisy,evil, mean looking Mynah birds and kill them, but she will only eat cat biscuits – and will only eat Purina brand and will only eat the ones for long haired cats. Wished Gareth Morgan would set up a website to eradicate the Mynah bird – also known as a “rats on wings”. They compete with the native Tui birds and eat the seeds and nectar of the flaxes. My cat does no harm at all but does give us lots of love and joy. Yes kill all the feral cats but leave ours alone.

    • Moaning Greasy Flyblow

      cats are not evil, they just do what comes natural and given half a chance most will wander at night while you are tucked up oblivious to their carnage. And they do not love you. You are there to be useful. As the old saying goes ‘cats look down on man, dogs look up to him, but pigs treat him as an equal’

  • disqus_CYaCVLLRTy

    “Top New Zealand economist”……how do tehy make this shit up. Its been a long time since he was creditably employed as a significant economist, let alone “Top”. Other than having a smart son who made him a millionaire his only claim to fame was “being a mouth” at speaking engagements……So whats changed? He is still a mouth!!!
    Not to say I didnt enjoy his “mouthing sessions” in decades gone by.

  • dotcom

    Easily done. Introduce feline encephalitis, a disease for which a cheap vaccine is available. Domestic cat owners with spayed/neutered cats, get a free vaccine (sponsored by Gareth of course). Everyone will be happy within one to two years. Other vermin will then thrive.

  • SJ00

    He needs to sort out the pussies in his football team before he worries about other peoples pussies (you know you down with me).
    (well to be fair he needs to step away from the football team by the sounds of it).

  • Moaning Greasy Flyblow

    In a rare moment of clarity he’s redeemed himself in my eyes

    • Travis Poulson

      Lap it up, it won’t last long.

  • Ururoa

    Don’t forget cats carry toxoplasma; causes of depression and schizophrenia in humans (especially kids and teenagers) and brain damage in human foetus when contracted through the mother (which is why pregnant women have long been advised to steer clear of cat litter). Not a good idea to keep cats as a house pet, especially if you have kids.

    • Lopsy

      Dogs shit where it suits them, and if they’re really lucky and look hard enough, they find some catshit in the garden to snack on. Then they lick your face and you love them. Yummy!!

  • J.M

    How about eradicating know it alls who try to hide their cleft palate with a stupid moustache?

  • Alsh

    Birds are winged rats. All they do is shit on people’s cars. Don’t mind few of them being eaten by my cats.

    • Travis Poulson

      I don’t think sparrows and starlings are the species Gareth is worried about.