Armoured Dinner Jacket sends himself to space

Aside from plotting to “wipe Israel from the map” in his spare time, Iranian dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (armoured dinner jacket) has allegedly gone on a vacation to space:

Breaking news in the world of crazy backwards regimes that want to prove they’re capable of something more than just killing their own citizens: Iran has put a monkey in to space. Exact details about the mission are limited at the moment, but the monkey must be male because it travelled unaccompanied.

The news comes from the Al-Alam News Network by way of Russian media. We don’t know if the launch was a success yet but Iran has been threatening to hurtle a chimp in to the stratosphere for some time now. According to the Voice of Russia, it has previously sent up “mice, turtles and worms” and Deputy Science Minister Mohammad Mehdinejad-Nouri says that putting animals in to space is “strategic, and a priority.” Presumably it’s all part of developing the country’s long term nuclear capability, helping it to strike every corner of the earth with its righteous radioactive fury. Of course, I could be being ungenerous. It’s just as possible that the Islamic republic wants to build a giant petting zoo on the moon.

It increasingly feels like the only countries that are still participating in the space race are ones that have no cause to be up there. Why isn’t Iran, say, spending the money on feeding its own people? Its economy is in a mess and the cause is man made; undemocratic states tend to have far less balanced patterns of development than democratic ones. Even outgoing President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has finally turned on the Revolutionary Guard, asking why it is exempt from tax. The Guard owns large amounts of wealthy land that, if sold off, could account a substantial portion of the state budget. But while Ahmadinejad deserves plaudits for finally taking on his country’s establishment, the attempt to breed a new generation of astro-monkeys suggests that his own priorities are messed up. – source

chimpanzee-003_196080-1152x864

dinner jacket

The resemblance is uncanny.

 


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

Tagged:
  • Lion_ess

    On Leighton Smith’s show this morning, a listener had written in making exactly this suggestion for Gareth Morgan – that he take a flight to space, the other suggestions were to develop himself a worm farm, or invest in a train set.

    • Travis Poulson

      I must have missed that part of the morning, but damn it was good to hear Leighton back. Kerre and the other fill-ins drove me crazy. Kerre’s show was like her late show, but in the morning. There is no doubt Leighton is untouchable in his job. I love his train of thought and how he approaches a conversation and how he engages callers. Unlike Danny Watson, he’s more interested in his own point of view and shutting people down. Even yesterday when people told it like it was re: local council and VTNZ car inspectors, some mild comments he labelled “unkind”. I don’t care how good he is at Judo/karate or whatever it is he does, he needs to harden the fuck up and grow a pair.

      • Lion_ess

        I don’t catch Danny Watson generally, but occasionally when I’ve been in my car with ZB during his timeslot – there’s gardening, pets and cooking. Zzzzzzzzz

        • Lofty

          Yup I travel for 1 hr 10 mins to work every day over and back 2 hrs and 20 minutes minimum travelling. 1ZB is my station of choice if I catch Hosking “(barely bearable ) but I need the news in the morning, Leighton (all good, understandable and talks some shit but is easy for me to distinguish ) Watson (switch to the rock time)

  • Interesting

    Seems to me that the originating Journalist has bought in to the western propoganda machine. ie Long range rockets to deliver a nuclear weapon……..

    Maybe your readers can make up their own mind, with all this silly hysteria..

    http://www.armscontrol.org/2012_07-08/The_Iranian_Nuclear_Dispute_Origins_and_Current_Options

    • Travis Poulson

      You could always read the Iranian propaganda instead, with today’s headlines like “NATO spreads sectarian violence”.

  • Mitch82

    64 years after the first monkey was launched into space, and ‘Murica is still worried about Iran getting a nuke.

    :facepalm:

  • Hazards001

    “Breaking news in the world of crazy backwards regimes that want to prove they’re capable of something more than just killing their own citizens: Iran has put a monkey in to space. Exact details about the mission are limited at the moment, but the monkey must be male because it travelled unaccompanied.”

    Cos if it was bloody female it would have to stop at every asteroid to ask for directions

    • Travis Poulson

      lol

53%