Focusing on the things that Matter, Bridges hands out another ban card

In perhaps his last act as Consumer Affairs Minister my mate Simon Bridges really dropped the ball today and focusing on things that matter. His latest announcement is about banning small magnets.


Consumer Affairs Minister Simon Bridges has announced a ban on the sale of sets of small high powered magnets that have caused serious injuries in New Zealand and at least one reported death in Australia.

The magnets are sold in New Zealand under a variety of brands in stores and over the internet. These magnets – known as ‘rare earth magnets’ – are up to 50 times stronger than conventional ferrous magnets of a similar size.

“These magnets are harmless to play with but if swallowed can cause serious internal damage that can require major surgery,” says Mr Bridges.

Surely the answer should be not a ban but strong words like “Don’t swallow them, stupid”

You would have thought that if a press sec had come up to the Minister and said “Here Minister, let’s run with this issue and go on the radio” a short answer of fuck off would have sufficed. 

If I had been Simon I would have shunted this off till the issue of the new warrants which would have left this landmine for Craig Foss to stand on. He drives a gay ute, so a gay decision like this would have been expected.

This government needs a bit of Malcolm Tucker


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • DLM

    Fuck if this is the best that this highly paid minister is capable of then God help us. What a complete crock of horse shit. Why the fuck isn’t he making his mark straight away by announcing an inquiry into the union funding rorts as Minister of Labour??? He needs to HTFU and get some balls.

  • Travis Poulson

    Ban marbles too, choking hazard. Oh, and nuts, a few adults have choked on them too. ban everything. FFS, Simon, not a good start.

    • Mitch82

      I’ve said it before.. you know the rest.

      Take the fucking safety labels and warnings off EVERYTHING. These problems will become extinct in around 10 years.

      • Travis Poulson

        Natural selection is great, doesn’t need taxpayer funding, requires no effort, it just happens.

      • Mr_Blobby

        Yes we should embrace Darwinism as a first step to making this a great country again.

    • Yoni

      My brother swallowed an old 50 cent piece so let’s ban money, even better let the politicians work for free because it is a hazard

  • David Broome

    Banning an ad like that is so gay – what would Chopper say, “Ban Dick? Harden the f**k up”.

    • Travis Poulson

      The irony is you censored your own comment.

      • Richard McGrath

        Not really. Censorship implies editing by a third party without the original author’s consent. David was merely exercising self-restraint.

  • Hillary Green

    Who is this guy’s press sec? Should be taken outside and given a good thrashing for allowing the Minister to be mocked like this. Agree not a good start for Simon.

    • parorchestia

      What about doing the same to his officials?

  • Lofty

    Oh Simon are you kidding us…..FFS. What are you going to ban next????????

    A very inauspicious start my lad.

  • thor42

    Ban Labour party voters. They’re hazardous to my blood pressure.

    • fozzie2

      I **hope** for more many many more !

  • Lion_ess

    Simon Bridges must be an A Grade slacker because this story reeks of someone desperate to be seen to be “doing something” – no matter how fucking stupid.

    He must be attempting to up the ante on Gareth Morgan with his cat idea – but at least you can eat cats – as long as you cut them up into bite sized pieces, that is.

  • Tristanb

    27 million people in Australia and NZ combined. One death. It’s a cool toy which gets kids interested in science – we can’t all be politicians.

    It sickens me. The guy should join the Greens. But unfortunately it’s just what the National Party are like. They’re trying to ban gingas from sunbeds too.

    Governments continuously work to ensure more and more of us are breaking their rules. Same with the learner drivers’ licence thing – who really cares if a learner sits on their licence for 6 years, as long as they stick to the conditions, but suddenly it’s a priority. Same with the S92a thing for people trading MP3 – and the beauty of that law is that you’re guilty upon accusation!

    But at the same time, they don’t actually bother getting tougher punishments for real criminals. You know, the guys who actually have a negative effect on the lives of others (burglars, thieves, rapists, random assaulters etc.) Those guys get community service for two weeks.

    That’s why instead of punishing repeat drink drivers who are 3x the limit, they’ll talk about lowering the alcohol limit – hang on, that’s not going to stop these losers on their 35th conviction! That’s why instead of locking up parents who beat their kids, they’ll ban smacking – that hasn’t stopped any child abuse at all!

    A law that only affects criminals is not a useful law to a government.

    TLDR? Here’s a summary of my thoughts:

    SIMON BRIDGES YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE. YOU ARE A NANNY STATIST, BITCHY WHINY LITTLE FUCKWIT. Pierce the head of your cock and then swallow a powerful magnet – then you can go and fuck yourself.

    It’s is despicable how little regard you have for the freedom of NZ citizens. I’ll say it again: you are a disgrace. Hang your arrogant head in shame, you narcissistic tosser.

  • what a prick.

    rare earth magnets are extremely useful for lots of things. most of the model hobbiests i know use them heaps for allowing moving parts of model tanks etc. i must have used hundreds of them when i was still involved in gaming.

    this is a prick move by a useless statist.

  • fozzie2

    Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.

    Abraham Lincoln

  • Dumrse

    It’s not ok to kill kids by throwing them against the wall or shaking them to death, but its ok to let a few toddlers die by swallowing some otherwise shit useless little balls that obviously amuse lots of you.

    • 1 toddler across two countries. far more will die from randomly choking on food, should we ban food as well? and actually rare earth magnets are really useful, more useful than a politician or a self proclaimed dumbarse (who cannot even spell it).

      • Dumrse

        It’s my name and I shall spell it how I fucking like.

    • Ban anything that presents a choking hazard then..fuck ban peanuts incase some parent leaves them lying around for a kid to choke on

      • Dumrse

        It’s not about choking its about tearing the guts apart when the magnets stick together with a bowel or an intestine or two in between. I doubt your fucking peanuts stick together in that manner.

        • Tristanb

          Peanuts are actually very dangerous if aspirated. They tend to cause quite a bit of inflammation and increased secretions.

          How about not letting your toddlers and babies play with dangerous magnets? How about not buying a set of magnets if you have young kids?

          They are very dangerous if swallowed – but so are disc batteries (don’t tell Simple Simon), so are granddad’s gout pills, so are the basic ferrite magnets you can suck out of a fridge alphabet.

          You should not feed them to children. You should not eat them yourself. You should not drink petrol. You should not fire a pellet gun into your ear. You should not eat a newspaper. You should not stick two knifes into the home electrical socket.

          By all means, post a warning sign on them.

          But why ban these from people who don’t even allow kids inside their home?

        • Lion_ess

          I think you’ll find more kids are killed by men’s hands somewhere – should we ban those too?

          • Dumrse

            Since when was this blog about men killing kids?

          • DJ

            You’re pretty fucking good at avoiding any of the questions. Answer them dumrse!

      • Cadwallader

        I expect oral sex would be a no-no too?

  • Treid to point out he was a useless statist and socialist before you useless Nats replaced a capable practicaql man with a gay tosser. Did any of ya listen. Well no. The Blue Rinse local National ladies think he’s beautiful.

    • Travis Poulson

      Are you saying that National have gone….a Bridge too far?

  • Pissedoffyouth

    How about if you have a small kid around you don’t leave small things for the child to eat?

    I now see why they ban everything, people are stupid…

  • manuka416

    Well, I agree with the ban. These particular magents are very dangerous when swallowed, so strong that they tear holes through the intestines/colon. I view this as a practical protection, rather than an overreaction. The ban “will only apply to the sales of these magnets for personal or domestic use. This ban will not affect the use of this type of magnet in schools and universities for teaching purposes nor would it affect any industrial or commercial use of these magnets.” Fair enough. Reading the posts, it seems like a lot of the anti-ban sentiment is being expressed just for the sake of it.

    • Cadwallader

      Just take the time to look after your kids….this is PARENTING!

      • manuka416

        Absolutely agree.

    • Tristanb

      Good, by allowing them only at schools and universities we’ll keep them away from children!??

      And anti-ban sentiment for the sake of it is a good thing. We can’t just ban everything dangerous. And we can’t allow politicians to be the judge of what we bring into our home – they are idiots (as Bridges has shown) and are also easily influenced by lobby groups.

      I don’t own these magnets and I’ll probably never buy them, but some people might and I believe they have the right to own them. They also have a responsiblity to keep them away from young kids and dumb adolescents.

      I believe one problem was teenagers using two of these either side of their tongue to look like a tongue stud, and then preceding to swallow them both. Doing dumb stuff is part of being a teenager – who didn’t use deodourant as a flame thrower, or fill the kitchen sink with butane from a lighter to make a fireball? That stuff is dangerous too, but you don’t ban deodourant!

      • manuka416

        Yep, I’ve done heaps of dangerous and dumb (and fun) stuff as a teenager. I don’t agree with the ban because of what teenagers do. I agree with it because of what toddlers do.

    • 4077th

      With all due respect Manuka, why would you ban “a” magnet when you would have to swallow 2 for any effect. Obviously you and the plonker who banned them have no concept or understanding of magnets or magnetism or science for that matter. FFS mate get your facts right before you open your gob. More PC bollocks…I bet you were one of the PC mob that voted for swimming pool fences as well right? I for one have had a complete guts full of these PC practitioners. Get your fucking nose out of my business and concentrate on your own shit. FYI that should include a spotlight on why family violence is common place in Maori families….Really, why would you give a flying fuck about someone swallowing a magnet when your relatives are committing infanticide with impunity?? People like you should not be left in charge of a brain!

      • manuka416

        The magnets targeted are sold in lots as toys (small magentic ball bearings). It’s when young kids swallow more than one of the magnets that the damage is done, eg: And toddlers can/will swallow almost anything.

        PS: I don’t have any relatives who have commited infanticide, let alone with impunity. Domestic violence is a stranger to my family.