Mad Morgan now wants to exterminate Phoenix Fans

Not content with giving those left in his under-performing KiwiSaver fund reasons to ditch it, New Zealand’s foremost economist, philanthropist, soccer coach extraordinaire, feeder of orca and killer of cats, Gareth Morgan, has decided to shoot his other foot off.

The customer is always right Gareth? Apparently not with Morgan who has labelled Phoenix fans “pathetic” and unsophisticated because they want their team to stop being the A-League’s ‘open goal’.

If only the Dom Post had their sports writers doing the news because they would blow Kim DotCon sky high but then again, the sports writers got this by that time honoured tradition of listening to Radio Sport:

“The A-League club’s co-owner, who has admitted in the past that his football knowledge is limited, has also claimed that many fans “don’t know much about the game anyway” and are only thinking about themselves, rather than the long-term viability of the club.”

Good one Gareth. After wanting to exterminate half of your fan’s pets, you now call them drongos for paying good money in other to see their (or rather ‘your’) team get thrashed. You should become a motivational speaker:

“Morgan let rip at fans for wanting “instant gratification”. He said the club’s change in football philosophy, to a more attractive, possession-based passing style, was required for success in the long-term.

No, not if you a). Not have any fans, b). right-size to a public park to fit attendance and c). have decent players avoiding your LOSER team like the plague.

The DomPost says the Phoenix have struggled with this shift, “bizarrely implemented mid-season, and are last”.

Maybe someone ought to remind Morgan what Wellington said of the French after Waterloo (the last time the French put up a decent scrap), “They came on in the same old way and we defeated them in the same old way:”

“But Morgan said they would not be reverting back to their former style, which was based on solid defence and getting balls into the box from the flanks, for the sake of results. Fans would have to put up with “short-term pain”. The bigger picture is far, far more important than the short term,” he said”.

Sir John Kirwan should now send the Blues wooden spoon to the Hurricanes’ Mark Hammett (who must be searching for a new role) given St Gareth used his gains from flogging ‘his’ fund to KiwiBank, to get a slice of the Canes.

I pity the punters who pay money for merchandise, tickets or even, buying a sponsor’s product:

“All some people do is look at the league tables and that’s all there is to the game for them. Well, they’re pathetic really.”

Then again, Gareth threw a wobbly at Morningstar for calling a spade a spade on this erratic clown’s KiwiSaver Fund. St Gareth doesn’t like league tables indeed he is allergic to them maybe because it is about accountability.

“People expect instant gratification or gain with no pain. It’s just pathetic really. I can’t think of any activity where you change like that and there’s not a short-term cost as you go through the changes.”

How about your philanthropic trips abroad, TV appearances, mad schemes to ensure we get overrun by rats and stoats, spending vast sums to fatten up Penguins, calling farmers ‘retards’ and wanting to form Gareth Morgan Farmers to rival Feds. That sounds a lot like “instant gratification” to me.

But he is not done. He goes onto trash the Club’s few remaining supporters as ‘thick’ and somehow thinks ‘his way’ will attract a new wave of supporters. Yeah the opposition to see how much they’ll win by. Can I humbly suggest he actually leaves the coaches to coach and the players to play:

“Fans are a cross section of the public, you know. A lot of them don’t know much about the game anyway and certainly, in my view, think only of themselves, not about the future of the club. This club has got a whole lot of stuff to do in order to be sustainable, and that’s what we’re going to do.”

This little angry man has a Caesar complex. Maybe we should introduce him to Michael Williams in Auckland – I think they would get on like a house on fire.

I never thought I would write this but “Bring back Terry”.


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  • Here’s a open letter to Gareth Morgan, written by one of my readers:

  • CJA

    Hmmm after recent comments by Gareth Morgan I kind of wonder whether he’s all there.

  • CJA

    Just on a side note this may turn out to be a classic example of an owner becoming too involved. Stick to your knitting Gareth is all I can say.

    • Prince

      Not sure what his knitting is – maybe a talkback host ? certainly not Investment anyway.

      • Gazzaw

        Maybe he could stand for the greens.

      • CJA

        Riding coattails on a successful son would be my guess. One of our clients invested heavily with GMI (Gareth Morgan Investments) and they managed to lose shitloads for him.

  • Mickrodge

    I think the phrase “shitting in your own back yard” is rather apt in this instance.

    In what world do you tell your customers “you’re a bunch of fucktards” & expect them to come surging back through the turnstiles to sample your product which in it’s current form is shit?

    Is Gareth Morgan hiding a Peyote habit?

    • Morrissey

      Maybe it’s the peyote that causes Morgan’s widiculous wisp.

  • Phar Lap

    Send him home from soccer practice,with a note, saying must try harder.

  • Mitch82

    He seems to think the fans don’t ‘get’ that the Phoenix is a business. Solution?

    Berate the customers – that’ll fix it!

  • Greg

    Gareth who?

  • Never in the dark…..

    Gareth Morgan is a tosser, any other term would be denigrating to the word. Passion fingers to the core.

    Talk back host? with that mumblingly irritating lisp?

    Will have change the name from The Phoenix to The Dodo or Dead Duck at the rate he’s going.

    • Morrissey

      And God help the Hurricanes, with this moron sticking his oar in.

  • Hans

    The man (term used loosely) is a complete idiot. $5 says that he’ll start blaming tall poppy syndrome for the backlash we’re now seeing.