Re-writing Matt McCarten

Matt McCarten seems to have gone soft in the head. He wasted his column yesterday in the Herald on Sunday writing about weight loss.

If Matt applied the same principles to the ease of weight loss as earning more, Unions would be more obsolete than he’s made them.

I’ve taken the liberty of re-writing his column as it should have been through the eyes of a worker. I haven’t changed it too much but have made it more relevant to a political column than the limp panty-waist effort he actually submitted.

Just before Christmas I was reading the latest book on increasing my wealth and reading passages to a long-suffering friend who has had to tolerate my obsessiveness for far too long. She sighed that I didn’t need any more information about what to do. I just needed to do it.

I think it was something in her exasperated tone that did it. In a month I’ve gained a $1,000 a month payrise. I have little doubt now the other $2,000 I think I am worth through recognition of my own value as an individual on the Ports of Auckland will be obtainable by April when I meet with by boss again. 

There is no real mystery to getting better wages and maintaining a higher income. We need to study subjects at school we actually like; we need to digest the right information through reading widely each day; and maintain a training programme to rebuild the brain power we lose with age.

Most of the things we forget are a function of time. If we don’t continue to learn we become lazy, our interest in work drops and it doesn’t take long for our productivity to fall. We fall in behind and become Union led thugs.

Earning more isn’t complex. Keep improving your skills. Make sure every day you try to improve on the day before.

Obviously, get rid of bad influences, gangs, smoking, feral partners, unions, Sky TV, bludgers in your life and alcohol.

If you can’t stop all of this, don’t worry about it. Just make sure most of the intake is the good stuff and minimise the rest. Common sense will take care of itself.

Pay negotiation is simple, too. Do not let others drag you down, prove what you can do as an individual. Don’t be afraid to be a loner, collectivism condemns you to the wages that the poorest skilled worker can garner. Throw in being positive in the workplace to complete the job.


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  • Mitch82

    If weren’t a Herald writer, I might begin to correct all the fuck-ups and propagated myths he recycled.

  • Dave

    Absolute bloody classic, should be compulsory reading for any prospective union member, union bosses and employers.

  • Apolonia

    Has he paid his tax bill yet?
    I have to pay mine.

    • jonno1

      Yeah, paid many thousands of GST & provisional tax online just a few minutes ago (I know, a day early, I just feel more comfortable not leaving it to the last minute). Now having a cup of tea and a blog read; might need a lie-down too. What’s with these guys who won’t meet their obligations? You don’t have to like it, but you still have to do it.

  • blokeintakapuna

    I wonder who is trying to leverage who’s reputation to increase their own – the Herald or McCarten?

  • disqus_CYaCVLLRTy

    Suggest he watches and gets his facts squared away on fats in the diet EATING FAT DOESNT MAKE YOU FAT!!!!

  • Hazards001

    Fucking brilliant. Sorry Cam but I’m stealing that and sending it around the world…if you see it again it was me..but I’ll give you the credit!