Some Michael Williams Jokes

'the vodka bottle was this big, but its okay, I got through it all before heading home"Or "the vodka bottle was this big, but it's okay, I got through it all before heading home'

‘the vodka bottle was this big, but its okay, I got through it all before heading home”Or “the vodka bottle was this big, but it’s okay, I got through it all before heading home’

Michael Williams walks into a bar in Howick’s main street a bit worse for wear, and asks for a drink. Sorry says the bartender “but you obviously already had a little to much to drink”. Fuming mad, Williams walks out the front door and walks into the side door. “Can I have a drink please.” “Sorry” the bartender says “but you can’t have a drink here.” Williams walks out and goes in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink.” “Enough!” The bartender screamed “I told You No Drinks!” Williams looks at the bartender closely and exclaimed “Shit! how many bars do you work at?”

Michael Williams idea of a balanced diet is a vodka and cranberry in each hand

Bumper sticker for Michael Williams’ car – “I’m not as think as you drunk I am”

Michael Williams is hauled before the Manukau District Court. The Judge says “I see you’ve been brought here for drinking”. Williams says “ok, lets get started”

Michael Williams has proposed that the latest Howick master plan involves twelve steps

Michael Williams was out drink driving one night and turns up at 2 in the morning on Jami-Lee Ross’ doorstep. “I need a push” says Michael. “No” says Jami-Lee, and goes back to bed. JLRs wife says “That was mean, go back and help him”. Jami-Lee trudges back to the door and says “still need a push?”. Michael shouts out “yeah!”. Jami-Lee says “where are you?”. Michael says “On your swing in the front yard!”

“Boris Williams” – imagine if Howick had nukes!

Gay Marriage forced Michael Williams to drink and drive.

What did Michael Williams say to the cop who asked him to accompany him back to the station?
Why? Aren’t you confident of making it to the station on your own?

What did Michael Williams say to the cop who asked him to accompany him back to the station?
I’d be happy to oblige you with a lift, but it’s only fair to warn you I’ve been drinking

Four months from now, Michael Williams is at a bar having a few when someone yells out “All politicians are arseholes!”. Williams yells back “Hey, I resent that!”. The first man says “Sorry, I didn’t know you were a politician”. Williams yelled back, “actually, now I’m just an arsehole”.

Michael Williams recently had his own street repainted:

F_200407_july01ed_im_58081a

The only thing Michael Williams will be allowed to drive for the next six months will be the ride on mowers at Treescape

 


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  • williamabong

    Q: What does Michael Williams and bottle of vodka have in common?
    A: Their both empty from the neck up

  • Lofty

    He joined alcholics anonymous last week, not because he decided to give up but because he thought it was a secret drinkers club.

    • Steve (North Shore)

      Not very anonymous, we know

  • LesleyNZ

    The Jamie-Lee Ross swing one is very funny!

  • peterwn

    Doubt it will be ‘just another day at the office’ for him, or is he taking a mental health break today.

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