Bob Jones on idiot coroners, they deserve a good bum-kicking

Bob Jones does not tolerate fools…or coroners. But before we get into Bob’s thoughts about coroners let me tell you how useless they are.

I rang the Wellington Coronial Office last week, asked for information about a particular case. Was told the media liaison person would deal with that and given his number, mobile and DDI. I called the DDI and it has no voicemail and just cuts off…his mobile goes unanswered and I have left several messages.

I rang the office again this week, same deal…so I told the poor woman on the phone to make sure the coroner sacks his nephew from the media relations role. She informed me that he wasn’t his nephew…so I asked what possible excuse could there be for retaining the services of such and inept and useless comms person who actually fails to communicate….anyway still no response.

Onto Bob Jones now:

What a damn silly suggestion by coroner David Crear following the death of 30-year-old Invercargill woman Natasha Harris who, having drunk up to 10 litres of Coca-Cola each day, unsurprisingly died of caffeine poisoning.

Mr Crear first correctly said that the soft drink company was not responsible for the woman’s death. Unfortunately, like so often with coroners, he then went further with a totally absurd proposal, specifically that the Government should consider imposing caffeine and sugar warnings on soft drinks. 

We read this sort of coroner guff frequently following unusual deaths in which, not content to simply do their job and officially state the cause of death, they instead ignore the extreme oddity of the circumstances and ascribe them to the community at large.

A circus elephant escapes, runs amok and tramples someone to death and the coroner will urge that the government makes us all build elephant-proof fences. A 158kg woman rolls over in bed in a drunken stupor and crushes to death her ex-jockey husband. This actually happened in Tasmania in the late 1980s.

Coroner Crear presumably would urge the government to ban jockeys and other small males sleeping with fat women, or alternatively, that fat women have a warning sign tattooed on their buttocks. In short, coroners too often fail to recognise freak accidents as simply that, namely freak.

Bob proposes a solution for coroners who issue dud decisions:

The fact is hundreds of millions of people drink Coke every day throughout the world. It’s a sugary drink and too much will make you fat. So too will eating too many oranges. Everyone knows that and view both Coke and oranges as a treat to be indulged in with moderation. They certainly don’t need Coroner Crear’s molly-coddling warning stickers implying they lack judgment. Aside from that, if they wish to consume products to excess then that is their business and not a busybody coroner’s affair. Why do coroners so frequently behave this way? I can only assume they suffer from Gareth-morganitus syndrome, namely an obsession with seeing their names in print.

At the next coroners’ annual conference, instead of speeches they should have half a dozen ex-All Black forwards present to line them up, bend them over and render hourly bum-kicking sessions which hopefully will bring them to their senses.


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  • blokeintakapuna

    Bob Jones would help National keep out the 4 headed tanewha out of Parliament if he ran. Please Bob, run again aligned with National.

    Parliament could do with your straight forward reasoning to be unleashe on the like of the Greens, Labour, NZ1st, Mana etc.

    NZ would be indebted to you for helping to rescue NZinc from the evil Socialist…

  • Craig Cottam

    You kind of wonder if the coroners are charged with HAVING to come up with a preventative measure for each case they get.

    • blokeintakapuna

      There’s no prevention for Darwin Award contenders… Only incremental advances for the human gene pool

  • TeacherUnionsRscum

    The left hate people thinking, remember

  • Liberty

    In a lot of cases. They are Darwin entrants. Which should take 5 min to work out
    It was self inflicted stupidity.
    The reports then takes 12 months to write. In order. to find someone or something to blame.

  • Red

    Add to the list, this Coroners publishing of a minors name following a fatal traffic accident a couple of years ago in Southland. Being a minor, the name is automatically suppressed but published in his findings and then the local rag 2 years afterwards. Add to that, he offered an “opinion on blame” – after this lad had had been cleared of all wrong, but having to suffer 15 months of the Cops trying to nail him to the wall – the Cops offered no evidence by the way, so the anguish was over and done with and justice had been done. Til Crearer came along and went well outside the boundaries. He’s an arrogant idiot and could do with reading his job description on the front page of the Corners website. His actions in not being able to keep his mouth shut and stick to his mandate put my son in some quite real danger at that time.

  • nudgy

    Bob really is a gem. Life would be so boring without straight shooters like him. These coroners are jumped up little wannabe judges appointed by the old boys network because they were useless and embarassing lawyers not fit for much else