Half an inch when fully reared, when lying down it disappeared

Tiny O’Toole aka Andrew Wardle is a dick-less wonder…really…he has no penis:

WITH his good looks and charming patter, it’s easy to see why Andrew Wardle is a hit with the ladies.

But while he has slept with more than 100 women, there is a secret he has kept from all his admiring pals — he was born without a penis.

Andrew’s birth defect has caused him mental anguish, even driving him to the brink of suicide.

But now he is preparing for ground-breaking surgery which will see him become one of the first men in the world to have an entirely new penis built from his own arm.

Not a babies arm holding an apple then?

Andrew, from Stalybridge, Gtr Manchester, was born with an ectopic bladder, which meant it formed on the outside of his body.

Although he has testicles, he did not have a penis at all.

He had a successful op on his bladder but his birth defect remained.

His mum, who was just 17, was unable to cope and made the painful decision to give him up for adoption. Fortunately, Andrew was taken in by a loving couple from Wales.

Growing up he had countless kidney problems and infections and underwent 15 operations to build a tube from his bladder so he could pass water normally. Because he was in and out of hospital, he was bullied at school — although, as he has done all his life, he managed to keep his big secret from his friends and classmates.

No penis? I think the word he is looking for is clitoris.

Andrew said: “I could use the tube to use urinals and I could play football and rugby and ride my family’s horses

“I got used to hiding it. Apart from the operations, I could live like a normal lad my age.

“It was when I got into my teens and started getting interested in girls that it became a problem.”

Andrew started to become sexually attracted to girls but the only physical sensation he felt was butterflies in his stomach.

He had his first girlfriend at 17 and, as their relationship developed, he explained his situation to her.

She was understanding and they dated for four years, having a sexual relationship where Andrew was able to make sure she was satisfied.

I bet he needs a tongue transplant as well.

At 21 Andrew got a job at Butlins in Minehead, Somerset, and during that time he experimented with drugs such as ecstasy and LSD as a way of dealing with the psychological effects of being born without his manhood.

He said: “By taking drugs I gave myself the perfect cover.

“I’d bed girls but said things could only go so far because the drugs meant I couldn’t rise to the occasion.

“I’ve been to bed with over 100 women. Some were one-night stands, some long-term relationships. I’ve told 20 per cent of them the truth.

“The fact I didn’t just want to get my leg over made me more attractive to women. I had charm and patter because it wasn’t all about sex.”

But Andrew, whose work as a bartender, chef and security guard meant he moved around Spain and Eastern Europe, faced some negative reactions when he revealed he could not have sex.

He said: “One girl actually punched me in the face! Another girl I lived with for a year cheated on me. Whenever I told them it was a bit of a passion killer. It was horrible, I took more drugs to block out my feelings and they made me more depressed.

“I never went to the doctor, I didn’t think they could do anything.”

Punched in the face for having no dick, well I never. Obviously all those chick have never heard about Cactus’ tried and true toilet test and bar grab.

Andrew saw a specialist at University College London who carried out tests to see if he was suitable for surgery.

He said: “Thankfully I was and they agreed to operate.

“I didn’t realise quite how rare being born with no penis was until doing my own research and discovering it affects only one in 20 million men.”

It’s not that rare being born without a penis, 50% of the population are born without a penis and they seem to cope quite well…except for the bunny boilers.


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • metalnwood

    Honestly, how can you call out other people who make light of your illness when you post this for no other reason than to make fun of a guy that has been depressed and had thoughts of suicide?

    • How about you stick to making A-10 simulators and cutting out bits of wood with CNC routers

      • metalnwood

        Flattered that you would look me up, and I do agree with most of your thoughts, thats why I frequent the site. I do think you give ammunition to people you would have blasted in the past for brining up depression. It’s hard to tell them they shouldn’t make fun of it when you do it yourself. Still, I look forward to more posts that we will no doubt agree on.

  • Disgusting.

  • Lion_ess

    So much for the saying “it’s not what you’ve got, but how you use it”

    • Any one who says that has a tiny cock

      • Lion_ess

        That goes without saying :)

  • BJ

    I’d say 50% of the population ‘don’t cope quite well without a penis’ – they’re very happy not to have one. It’s called loving your sexual be-ing

  • who else has no penis……

  • Bob Prangnell

    I would not be surprised if whale is similarly afflicted as he’s such a cunt.

  • This poor guy has a boner-fide problem. Making light of a birth defect – something that the poor chap couldn’t control is pretty harsh. Doesn’t it prick your conscience at all Cam?

  • Cam,

  • Don’t think I’ll try arm wrestling with him…

    • williamabong

      Could be messy

  • redeye

    Wouldn’t have been easier to build the guy a vagina? At the end of the day he’d live longer.

  • Phil

    He probably thought he was just a typical Labour voter

  • unsol

    “WITH his good looks and charming patter, it’s easy to see why Andrew Wardle is a hit with the ladies”

    He is not good looking. Not by a long shot. Beady eyes & thin lips are 2 reasons.

    “Hit with the ladies”? Well clearly they were not women. He strikes me as a bit of a dickhead. Pun intended. Penis or not he is a slapper.

    “It’s not that rare being born without a penis, 50% of the population are born without a penis and they seem to cope quite well”

    Clever :) But it is slightly more than 50%. Women in NZ (18 & over) currently outnumber men by about 70,000…or something like that!

    Normally I would say this is a sad article given the struggles he has expressed in the article. But when you boast about your so-called conquests too then I think you tend to lose any empathy people may have potentially had.

  • Rodger T

    No Stickadictome jokes ,you guys are slipping.