Still searching for NZ’s most useless MP

Commenters have gone on and on about David Carter being useless. He is a list MP, he did nothing as minister and is being mocked for being useless as a speaker.

David Carter is a useless scum list MP. He lost his seat to Ruth Dyson and never regained it. His ministerial career was un-memorable apart from consistently lying about the One Plan Decision, and he is has failed to hold ministers to account in a way that makes question time meaningless.

At first reading I thought I was looking at a transcript of parliament yesterday, and then I realised that Scott Yorke at Imperator Fish had actually written a parody.

David Shearer: Thank you Mr Speaker, my question now to the Minister of State Owned Enterprises: Has the Government met the five criteria the Prime Minister laid out for proceeding with asset sales?

Tony Ryall: Blue cheese. 
Shearer: Point of order, Mr Speaker. What kind of answer was that?

Mr Speaker: The minister answered the question. He may not have given the answer you wanted, but he nevertheless gave an answer. Do you have any supplementary questions?

Shearer: When the Prime Minister said that the third criterion would be that companies would need to present good investment opportunities for investors, with which international investors had the Prime Minister had discussions that have yet to be made public?

Ryall: The capital of Hungary is Budapest. The capital of Romania is Bucharest.

Shearer: Point of order! Mr Speaker, shouldn’t the minister at least make some effort to answer the question? My question was not directed to European capitals.

Mr Speaker: The member well knows that matters of geography are directly relevant to the question. The member has asked questions about international investors, and some of those investors may well be from Hungary or Romania.

Shearer: But Mr Speaker—

Mr Speaker: I have ruled on the matter. Does the member have any supplementary questions?

He isn’t our most useless MP because he actually made it to the ministry, and has become speaker. Uselessness is about achieving nothing, about squandering a career on the backbenches, staying way past your used by date and not being missed when you go.

People will notice when David Carter goes.


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  • Bafacu

    Steffan Browning – scum member for the Melons. Supposed to be spokesperson for their key planks (biosecurity, GE, Organics (WFT), Agriculture Fisheries, Forestry etc) but never heard of him until I looked up the list of MPs! His background is useless and he carries that stellar performance into the House!

  • tarkwin

    I’ve got it! Rajen Prasad. He used to be the race relations bludger and now he’s a Labour list M.P. As far as I’m aware he’s done nothing useful since. His only saving grace is he didn’t join the Greens or Mana.

    • Well, Rajen is a good example of tokenism. But every NZ First MP belongs on that list — Prosser is the best of them and that is not a compliment.

  • Kris Faafoi! Couldn’t be more useless if he tried!

  • Agent BallSack

    To find the most useless MP all you have to do is eenie meenie miny mo the opposition bench.

  • spollyike

    The most useless MP are still the racist ones, just like yesterday and the day before that. Any member of a political party that represents the interests of one so called ethnic group, is by definition a racist also. All the members of the maori party and mana are the most useless, especially Hone the brown muthafucka.

  • williamabong

    A leader in this group would have to be the West Coasts Chris Auchinvole, Chris has distinguished himself by remaining invisible throughout his time at the trough.

    He was elected by virtue of the fact the entire nation had had a gutsful of the she beast and her social engineering policies, and apart for some minor platitudes, notably over Pike, during his elected tenure, Chris has remained invisible, and the last election saw Damien O’Conner returned to carry on as the elected MP.

    I went to Chris three years ago when he was actually an elected trougher and am still waiting for his reply, I am not the only person to had the silent treatment from this weapons grade tosser, who only seems to be at the trough because of the time spent felating Bill English, yet just another example of how MMP has failed the voters of NZ.

  • Anonymouse Coward

    I beg to differ Whale.

    There are some fish gasping for oxygen in Canterbury Rivers who think that David Carter has been very effective in rewarding his backers.

  • Liberty

    Damien O’Conner

    Damien supports a party that doesn’t care a stuff about Mining. And forestry
    The life blood of the coast.
    Save a slug means support from the Green Taliban.
    The locals are of little importance in the grand plan of labour/Green central committee.

    • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

      Still the coasters voted Damien in. So they like him and his party. Move on Liberty.

  • Mr_Blobby

    Give up on this one Whale boy there are just to many suitable candidates.

  • Mediaan

    It’s easy to make up stuff, like the dialogue quoted, but it establishes nothing. Easy to set up a straw man and then knock him down.

    It didn’t happen. If, as you say, Carter has said unreasonable things then where are the actual quotes? The absence of real quotes says it all.

    Remember, the Lay-Bores wanted Trevor Mallard for speaker. Trevor Mallard! He who thinks it is okay to spend half an hour of House time pursuing his own little joke! He who closed schools by the fistful then complained about Parata closing a few, after a disastrous quake had shifted populations. He who in 2007 gave more than half of all Olympic High Performance Sport government funding to a few rich rockheads on a yacht!

    Scott Yorke has furthermore ruined his point by making the pretended questions just as useless and stupid as the answers. Frankly, if I were asked a question as moronic as one of those, I might really utter that answer.

    See if people can quote real examples. In Hansard there must be passages of utter nonsense. Need a sponsor to offer a shiny Challenge Cup for the best example maybe.