Who is Parliament’s Most Useless MP?

Parliament has a lot of vacant minds, and I’m going to highlight them.

It is not looking for the most obnoxious, or offensive or stupid, just the most useless. MPs who will not be missed, and have never achieved anything during their time in parliament. Some will not even be noticed because they are that useless. This will be a tough challenge because some are so dead set useless that not even their electorate knows who they are. 

Readers should nominate their pick for the most useless MP in the comments section or on the tip line.

Nominations for Trevor Mallard will not be accepted. Trevor may have tanked Labours 2011 campaign by trying to steal underpants but he has had a long career of being noticed.

UPDATE: Petal has raised a good point with his nomination of Hekia Parata. We do need a distinction. This post is about who is the biggest bludger, who does the least for their fat taxpayer funded salary, who contributes the least to politics.

This blog doesn’t like supporting Hekia Parata as she is f***** useless by many measures, but just not by this one. And she cares about maori education so she can’t be totally useless.


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  • Pissedoffyouth

    Apart from the gay one and Norman who else is in the Green party?

    • davcav

      Speak up there PoY or I’ll have to get an interpreter to understand you.

  • Kid Coleslaw

    Has to be the National list guy who stood against John Banks in Epson, and will do so again at the next election. Not only does he have no profile, but he has to make sure he does nothing so it stays that way so there’s no risk of him taking any votes from Act in 2014.

    • peterwn

      He is obviously not useless then.

  • Cadwallader

    Not to forget Asenati Lole Taylor (sp.)

  • Constance Lee Furious

    Jacinda Ardern, and she wins by a furlong. A completely talentless muppet. Promoted beyond her limited ability due only to the fact that she is the only woman in Labour who does not look like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle.

    • JeffDaRef

      That is the FUNNIEST analogy I’ve ever heard – salute!!

      • Kacanga

        The funniest analogy I heard about her was here on WO where someone commented “she could eat an apple through a tennis racquet.”
        Nearly pissed myself laughing

  • Pissedoffyouth

    Actually I vote hone – since when has he done anything for his electorate or in parliament?

  • Gazzaw

    Does the Speaker count? He’s an embarassment – inconsistent, indecisive and perpetually made to look like a turkey by Mallard. What’s with the white scarf thing that he’s wearing? I’m sure that isn’t part of the official garb.

  • John Hayes ONZ MP. As long as we’re talking Parliament only (not electorate work)

    Rajen Prasad, Moana Mackey, and Raymond Huo spring to mind for Labour, there are a few Green MPs who are good value but most are a waste of space, and anyone in NZ First except Winston.

    But the king uselessness would have to be Parekura Horomia… So bad everyone forgets him.

  • sheppy

    I vote for Wussell, all he does is winge and plot to close stuff down.

  • PM of NZ

    All 121 of them. Not one of them is willing stand up for their principles.

  • I think if the category includes the most costly useless MP then there is a clear winner – Hone.

    I see Hone managed to spend as much as the three members of the Maori Party put together, which included over $4000 of accommodation outside of Wellington? Must be Hone No Friends, or maybe it is Hone sharing his place in the trough with his whanau?

    • Wow more than 3 times the average govt MP and for what? Racist comments and open bigotry. Go MMP!

  • We need to make a distinction between invisible and useless. There are plenty that just warm a seat and take home the money. You actually have to try something and fail to be useless.

    Most useless would be Hekia Parata. So far she’s stuffed up more jobs than anyone, cost the tax payer close to half a mill for services no longer required, cleaned out the top echelon of her department because of personal differences, and she’s still of the mindset that it isn’t her, it’s everyone else.

    Hekia Parata.

    • In Vino Veritas

      Petal, invisible is by definition useless, as it is something that is ineffectual (in the sense that the original post implies).

      • Bunswalla

        We need a definition of most useless. MPs fal into a range including:

        – Does some useful things, has value

        – Does nothing of any value, is useless

        – Causes damage, is worse than useless

        Being invisible e.g. Andrew Williams is in the middle category, but someone like Richard Prosser for example is worse than useless.

        • I have given some guidance in the body of the post, but will repeat it here:

          Petal has raised a good point with his nomination of Hekia Parata. We do need a distinction. This post is about who is the biggest bludger, who does the least for their fat taxpayer funded salary, who contributes the least to politics.

          This blog doesn’t like supporting Hekia Parata as she is f***** useless by many measures, but just not by this one. And she cares about maori education so she can’t be totally useless.

          • Mr_Blobby

            She is not the most useless but close to it. Ministerial salary and perks for what. She is paid to care about all education not just Maori. Even given that, looking at the Maori education stats a big fat fail there to. We would be better off if she didn’t care.

  • In Vino Veritas

    Harawira. Reactive rather than proactive and a historical revisionist. Essentially a Marxist who adds nothing to any debate, has no policy and no support other than from similar extremists. Wouldn’t be in Parliament but for Maori seats, and probably has a security file a foot deep.

  • tarkwin

    Got to go for Hone. He’s only there to finance his gang activities – yes, his family is nothing but a gang. He doesn’t give a damn about his costituents they’re just cannon fodder. All he does is radicalise them and use them to push his agenda. He is worse than useless. And coming a boring second would be Phil Heatley aka the invisible man. We sure know how to breed them up this way!

    • Kacanga

      Yes & Yes

    • Mr_Blobby

      He knows it and is very proud of himself.

  • Agent BallSack

    Katrina Shanks. Somehow managed to lose to Charles Chauvel and Peter Dunne. Plus she’s a woman in the National Cabinet you have to have balls like Ms Shipley to even impress any of the old boys network.

  • blazer

    John Banks…not just because he shouldn’t be there…just because he is so thick.

  • cows4me

    Not fair WO, like trying to pick the winner of the Melbourne cup.

    • blazer

      thats easy…take a pommie import!

  • David

    Eugenie Sage or Peter Dunne or Megan Woods or Rajen Prasad or David Shearer… can’t make up my mind. Sack ’em all!!

    • Anonymouse Coward

      Megan Woods is a bit of an enigma.

      She has good academic credentials, rose to be the leader of the left faction in the Peoples Republic of Christchurch Council, and managed to capture the steady future cash flow being the left wing MP for Wigram.

      Yet as far as anyone can make out she only flies to Wellington to eat her lunch.

      • David

        Enigma? Woods is an invisible enigma. She was invisible on the council and achieved nil, and she has carried on that tradition in parliament. Woods has always been desperate to be a career politician. She has stood for various parties at general elections, stood for mayor unsuccessfully and finally gained the safe seat formerly held by her mate Anderton. For one so desperate to be in politics she must think she has something to offer New Zealand, but that something has not been evident yet. I believe Woods only wants a seat on the gravy train and she will always be invisible.

  • ConwayCaptain

    NZ$against a falling Euro that Jacinda is being lined up for a job at the UN. Join all the other useless troughers from Liebore that are going there. Bet Trevor gets a job when he leaves Parliament.

  • ConwayCaptain

    Most useless, all the LIST MPs, 99% of the Liebore electoral MPs.

  • spollyike

    Any member of a party that exists for the sole purpose of obtaining entitlements for one “race” rather than all NZ’ers!! Race based political parties have no place in a country like ours. Just imagine if there were a Pakeha party, or a Chinese party formed, what would the part-maoris say then??

    • Mr_Blobby

      One race I think you are mistaken. They see themselves as Maori first and foremost. Everybody else is just a visitor.

      So all Maori go on the list.

      The list for competent MP’s would be far easier as most MP’s are absolutely useless. The competition is pretty stiff.

  • unsol

    Being noticed is a cop out, they have to at least achieved something so sorry, Mallard must be nominated. He has achieved nothing & has merely been a contentious, hypocritical waste of space.

    2nd nominee: Hone. Same thing as Mallard. Gets noticed, annoys & alienates a lot of people yet has achieved nothing.

    3rd: All the remaining Labour MPs. Whether invisible or not, none would be missed…that said, another couple of names springs to mind – Clayton Cosgrove & Maryan Street.

    4th David Carter – who is he again? What did he achieve before becoming Speaker?Nothing

    5th John Banks – he maybe preferable to Labour in Epsom but that is all he has achieved ever.

    6th – 117 all remaining MPs bar John Key, Judith Collins, Tony Ryall (quite like him in Health) & Steven Joyce.

    • Mr_Blobby

      Agree with everything except Mallard, he has entertainment value and he did beat the Whale in a bike race so not exactly useless. After Hone should be the Maori Party followed by all other Maori MP’s

      • unsol

        Beating Cameron in a cycle race when you have done as much cycling as Mallard apparently has isnt much to boast of – he cycles & cycles & is still as slow as a wet week….seen his Karapoti times? Laughable. Not worth the fancy gear he loves to strut around.

        Entertainment value….hmmmm, sounds suspiciously similar to the excuse that judge gave for the unfunnny comedian’s behaviour.

        Clearly not in the same category, but entertainment doesn’t mean you are worth $250k per year! A clown would be much cheaper. In fact I think the local circus may have an opening.

        Hone – yep, then his party then the Maori party & the Greens. Maori have to go first because no democracy should allow a party to be created on the basis of race.

        Hmmmm how depressing we have so many candidates eh!

  • Phar Lap

    Clayton Cosgrove,from alleged credit card fraud.Even his name depicts how he got there.A list MP dumped by his electorate.He is in fact the MP we get we dont get an MP. A Claytons.

  • Mickrodge

    John Banks for me. Has single handedly killed the ACT Party. Been nothing but trouble for the government whilst contributing not a smidgen of worth thus far.

    Until he got the soundbite shellacking Shearer for his hypocracy yesterday I’d forgotten he even still (dis)graced the building with his presence.

    He is the standout carbuncle on a backside of boils.

  • Auto_Immune

    Tracey Martin. Who? Exactly.

  • Positan

    After 30 comments, I’m surprised that Brendan Horan has been completely overlooked. If ever anyone was hanging on to a totally un-entitled parliamentary seat solely for the salary that goes with it … I rest my case.

    • In Vino Veritas

      Horan at least is visible, everytime they take a vote, his name is read out seperately. He’s also passionate about the people he represents………. well, he would be I’m sure, if he represented anyone.

    • Mr_Blobby

      Entertainment value.

  • Drhill

    I would be tempted to say Ian Lezzz-Galloway but I suspect it would be a unknown party list member

  • thor42

    Harawira. Utterly useless.
    A history-revisionist (and therefore a liar), a whining whinger who does NOTHING for Maori and a trougher-extraordinaire.
    There are many dozens of others who come very close to his uselessness too.

  • Tom

    Catherine Delahunty. She should be in a mental home, not parliament.

  • All of NZF’s MPs – a bunch of ring-ins, doing what exactly? Just collecting their MP salaries. Nice work if you can get it.

  • Rajen Prasad. Rajen Prasad will not be missed, and has never achieved anything during his time in Parliament. Rajen Prasad will not even be noticed because he is that useless.

  • Joe Bloggs

    After reading all of these wonderful observations I can’t help feeling that David Shearer is still the hands-down winner.

    He’s single-handedly made a complete mockery of the last four years of Labour’s trash-talk needling, and shown the nasty party up as a venal bunch of hypocrites and rich pricks.

    Great skills.

  • Anonymouse Coward

    Colin King Nat Kaikoura

    An acquaintance who moves in farming/political circles told me that any meeting Colin attends and is given the floor he basically repeats the same old speech.

  • Changeiscoming

    Iain Less-Galloway

  • Big Bruv

    Without doubt the most useless MP in the house is the deaf Green party MP whose name escapes me. She has done nothing at all during her time in the house.

    The biggest cunt in the house is the aussie wanker Wussell Norman.

  • Steve (North Shore)

    Most useless is the Minister for Mars

  • michael

    parekura horomia