Life as a communist ain’t much fun without toilet paper


The commies in Venezuela have found a solution to their massive bog paper shortage. Massive borrowing and forcing the peasants to eat less.

Venezuela’s lawmakers are rolling out plans to import toilet paper and allot a $79 million trade credit to help alleviate the country’s shortages on many basic goods.

Last week, commerce minister Alejandro Fleming promised he’d import 50 million rolls of toilet paper, but the recent overture comes in more than 10 million short, at 39 million rolls. Why exactly is unclear—the government neither addressed the discrepancy, nor has it been asked about it.

Still, the measure will help quell Venezuela’s short-term scarcity problems—besides toilet paper, milk, butter and coffee, among others—but still seems to lack long-term perspective. What happens a few months down the road when supplies diminish? 

Many believe that the crux of Venezuela’s goods shortage lies in the government’s attempt to stem the country’s inflation, the highest in Latin America. ”Price controls, for example, act as a disincentive to local producers, forcing them to cut output. The resulting scarcity forces up inflation, defeating the entire purpose of price controls in the first place,” says the survey organization Consensus Economics.

Meanwhile, president Nicolas Maduro’s government places some blame for the toilet paper shortage on Venezuelans themselves.

Only a few hours after the government’s National Assembly voted for the trade credit, Maduro’s statistics office suggested an odd reason for all the shortages: “95% of people eat three or more meals a day,” president of the National Statistics Institute (INE) Elias Eljuri said while referencing a national survey.


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  • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

    Looks like Sheep and Hippie are practising their rule in Venezuela first before unleashing in NZ…..

    • Mediaan

      You must be a very gloomy fellow to live with. Do you ever get cheerful?

      • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

        I can foresee the future Mediaan and it is not looking good for NZ….that is why I am very gloomy….

  • Patrick

    Due to rampant inflation in Zimbabwe it was actually cheaper to use paper money to wipe your arse rather than go to a shop & buy toilet paper.
    Same thing will happen in NZ when Rusty Russell Norman cranks up the inkjet & starts printing Sir Apirana Ngatas & Lord Rutherfords

  • cows4me

    Their is a very valuable lesson here and I do hope some Melons are in the house tonight. All communist manifesto’s should be printed upon soft paper with perforations running down the center of the pages.

  • Yes still remember using the Press to wipe, then some bastard started printing gloss paper colour stuff and all you got was slip and no wipe.

  • Mr_V4

    What happens a few months down the road when supplies diminish?
    I’m sure these commies are smart:
    1: Buy 2 ply, and pull it apart to 1-ply. Voila it will last twice as long.
    2: Use it once, then hand it to a greenie keen on reuse. Voila we now have a 4 four-fold increase in arsewiping productivity.

  • Saccharomyces

    Why do they need toilet paper? They should just use all their copies of the communist manifesto…

  • Mediaan

    Print ads on toilet paper – might work. Increased budget, but decreased price, or it might even make it free.

    Or, as I have suggested before, start printing newspapers on small pages, with absorbent paper, and a hole in the corner for hanging it on the nail.
    Side effect: more English passes in NCEA.

  • emmess74

    It’s lucky we have all that ‘child poverty’ here or we’d have too many people eating three meals a day and a have a toilet paper shortage too.