New Co-Leadership of Opposition announcement leaked

via the tipline

In view of the recent polling which has shown that a Green/Labour coalition is now on the cards with winning the next election and another poll which shows Russel Norman only a few percentage points behind David Shearer in the preferred Prime Minister stakes, the two parties have got together and worked out a perfect way to show how the new government might look to voters.

My sources inside Labour and the Greens have disclosed that e deal has been reached and Russel Norman will now take his place on the bench beside David Shearer as co-leader of the opposition. Grant Robertson will need to shuffle down a bit to make room but Russel’s seat will be filled by another Labour person so there won’t be any problems. 

This is the second step, after the joint Green/Labour power policy, to show Kiwi voters just how closely they are working together. Now with them being bench mates it will give both leaders a much needed boost in future polls, as well as equal television coverage of parliament, as David Shearer sits and nods while Russel Norman really spikes John Key’s guns

A memo has been leaked outlining the seating changes to take effect when Parliament resumes this afternoon.

Co-leaders of opposition


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  • Lion_ess

    Tell me this is a joke. Two non-leaders sitting side-by-side, (or having their photo taken bum-to-bum with matching hair-dos), does not make an Opposition Leader. Just two twits who both recognise that neither of them have the necessary qualities to lead the opposition.
    Unless, of course we are referring to the other “lead” ..
    Cause (a person or animal) to go with one by holding them by the hand, a halter, a rope, etc., while moving forward.
    Yes, that must be it.

    • Bunswalla

      Apart from the obvious satirical tone and the satire tag, the spelling mistake gave it away – it’s affect not effect.

      • Lion_ess

        Pity, it would have provided no end of entertainment.

  • Drhill

    So Metiria Turei is not sitting on the other side of David Shearer?

    • Who?

      • Time For Accountability

        You know –

        The larger lady that wears designer clothing that few of her voters could afford, who talks in short negative sound bites like Goff did whereby everything is criticism, has no positive ideas, and who Dunedin-ite’s cross the street to the other side when she approaches to avoid the vortex of negativity she creates as she passes.

        The one who embarrasses herself, her voters, her electorate etc.

        About the only positive thing i can think of is that she fits on the same bench as skinny wussel but may have overhang with a normal person beside her.

        • Drhill

          Don’t forget she’s into Larping.

        • The one who loves Larping so much she built a castle house, complete with quarried rock…aren’t quarries mines?

        • TomTom

          I don’t think she’s here much. I lived a block down the road from her “electorate” office two years ago and walked by multiple times a day to classes and town and would only see a receptionist in there maybe once or twice a week…

  • JeffDaRef

    So the Greens are effectively saying Rusty is more senior than Turei?
    That’ll go down well with the tree-huggers….makes a mockery of their big “co-leader” charade…and Shearer is too stupid to see he’s being gazumped time and time again by Norman…

  • Adolf Fiinkensein

    The real joke is that even if it is a joke, nothing these idiots do is a surprise.

  • Positan

    One must really fear for the financial, economic and industrial stability of the nation – indeed, the very welfare of all its citizens – if a Labour/Green coalition of such demonstrably self-aggrandising, theory-driven incompetents ever attained the Treasury benches. Whatsoever administration followed, (after far less than three years), it would be forced back to the well-proven, but now completely abandoned, constraints of the ’50s, for any sort of recovery to be even remotely possible.

  • rockape

    Tag Satire but a good one and maybe close to the truth.

  • DavidW

    Which part of the tag “satire’ whooshed over a number of heads?

    • JeffDaRef

      haha most likely mine – though indicative of how conditioned we’re becoming to ridiculous L/G announcements…

  • spollyike

    Yeah, Nah. Forget Shearer, as I said yesterday Norman will replace Shearer, Shearer having been silently and slowly Garroted by Gareth (knew he was good for something) Hughes. Labour supporters will bury their heads in the sand simultaneously (causing a small earthquake), and the Tui Frog will be the sole Greens leader thus completing the takeover of the Left by the EXTREME Left.

  • Lion_ess

    Hey Clunt, ever heard of “brand confusion”? Weakens both brands. (Please let them turn up in matching clothes).

  • GregM

    Thank God it’s a joke. “Sir Cullens sidekick” would be insufferable.

    • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

      GregM – Actually Sheep is having a laugh. Based on the Roy Morgan poll – in fact the last two of them – he knows John Key and National are shedding popularity very fast. He knows it is just a matter of time before Labour overtakes National and game over bro.

  • rangitoto

    It make sense. Wussel will need to be reasonably close to properly operate his laboor puppet

    • sheppy

      I thought #HeyClint was the puppet meister or does he only get to control Gareth?

  • Col

    JK was right when he gave his Budget speech, Labour 51% Greens 49%.
    2 morons sitting together how fucking exciting.

  • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

    Something to look forward to… Hopefully the ugly PC women take umbrage and the wimpy men back down on this.

  • Agent BallSack

    Rumour is the name is going to be Coalition Of Labour Or New Labour And Greens but they will go by the acronym COLON LAG as no one gives a shit about them.

  • BJ

    I imagine it is so they can eyeball JK and his ministers as the clownjoker combination.

    But, how can this even be possible as under MMP coalitions should happen only when the governing party is included – surely? Although the opposition parties can talk up joint policies they would institute following the election, how can they be allowed to join forces literally now as that is like forming a new party altogether.

    Where’s the rule book?!

    • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

      JK cannot handle even Sheep, let alone the combined intelligence of Sheep and Hippy.

      • Dave

        Combined, that would be a negative SCS

  • In Vino Veritas

    So, National have sold an asset and Labour have sold their soul. Clearly their soul was worth less than an asset. Beautiful. Effectively they are saying that whatever the Greens ask for, will be given in any coalition.

  • RightOfGenghis

    Normy could sit on Granties lap. Problem solved

    • Patrick

      Yep & they could talk about the first thing that pops up…….

  • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

    Sheep says the joke is on the Tories. He says – “please check the latest Roy-Morgan poll”.

  • Chad Chambers

    This is a good shot sent across the current govt’s bows. Looks like a clear statement of intent to join forces in seeing off JK and co.

    • Lion_ess

      Yeah, bet he’s shaking in his shoes. Their behaviour is what one sees in 13 yr old school girls – not leadership material. Christ, their supporters must cringe.

      • Chad Chambers

        No, calling someone’s shirt “gay”, calling David Beckham “thick”, And mincing down the runway is behaviour one sees in 13 year old schoolgirls.

        • Lion_ess

          Getting your photo published, with matching hairdos, bums pressed together is totally gay. Bill and Ben the flowerpot men. Not a skerrick of testosterone between them, just excess spittle.

        • Agent BallSack

          His shirt was Gay, Beckham’s thick and rich and rather mince down the runway than inside the closet of the hall of power. Like Helen.

  • Dion

    The problem here is that there’s no gender balance. They may need to roll Shearer and replace him with Darien Fenton.

    • Agent BallSack

      Is Darien still a man or has the surgery been successful? The moustache still confuses me.