WhaleTech: Microsoft Blue: Good grief, Ballmer’s off his leash again

crazy steve

Via fakesteve.net.

Thanks to the flop of Windows 8, Steve Ballmer’s trying to tell us all that more frequent updates to the company’s flagship product is the new normal. Instead of admitting that the latest Windows is an abject failure and that this necessitated the fast-track of the ‘fixed’ version,  he’s been spotted jumping around at Microsoft’s developer conference declaring ‘Rapid Release! Rapid Release!’.

Be warned: when the Microsoft CEO romps, he means business. For those who haven’t seen what kind of a loon is in charge of the company, feast your eyes.

Steve’s claim that Windows 8.1, known to some as ‘blue’, heralds a new dawn of short cycles for product updates isn’t entirely unprecedented. While Windows isn’t exactly an iStore app (or, indeed, a Windows Store app…did I just see a tumbleweed blow past?), it does enjoy a long history of very frequent updates – except these have consistently focused on the many security problems in the shipped software.

Windows 8.1 is a free upgrade, of course, from a company notoriously unabashed about charging lots for its software. Rapid release! Rapid Release! Should have called it Service Pack 1, Steve, like you used to in the good old days.

Those unfortunates who have Windows 8 and are hankering after a ‘Start’ button, settle down. It’s not coming back, or at least, not as you have come to know and love it. Instead, the major changes include such arbitrariness as ‘better organisation and customisation on the Start Screen’, and ‘improvements to Windows Store and Start apps’. You can boot it into Desktop mode….and then the Start button kicks off that abominable Start Screen.

Windows 8.1 Beta preview is available as a preview from 26 June in the Windows Store.  As with all software, download and install at your peril; messing with operating systems is particularly risky and can bork your entire machine. If you’re going to do that, you might as well bite the bullet and revert to Windows 7. It is, after all, a far better operating system.


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  • DangerMice

    You sound about as anti-windows as MG Siegler is pro apple

    • Alloytoo

      Not anti-windows, Anti-8

    • Donovan Jackson

      I just love me some Windows 7.

  • Andy

    I am a MS developer and Windows 8 is the biggest clusterF&&k they ever came up with.
    What were they thinking?

    • P1LL

      I think they must have re-hired the windows ME guy :P

  • DangerMice

    I’m a MS developer too and i have Win8 on my laptop. Most of the time I’m in desktop mode but I don’t miss the start button, I just swipe from the right and use search, just like I did in Win7. No-one is denying Balmer is a clown though. Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!

    • Donovan Jackson

      I do think it is easier for developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers (clap clap clap etc) to adjust than it is for average Joes. When MS does generational changes, it tends to go badly – by 9 things should look a little more sensible.

  • 4077th

    “messing with operating systems is particularly risky and can bork your entire machine” replace “operating” with windows and the phrase is complete.

    • sandynobb

      “Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windoze.”

  • Jman

    I’d gladly get rid of Windows on my home PC but I need it still for gaming. With Steam embracing Linux, it’s only a matter of time before other game companies follow suit and I won’t need it for even that.

    • Sponge

      I went mac 3 years ago after spending an entire afternoon at Queenstown airport in a cycle of “configuring updates” and “updates being installed” or some similar shit. Since then I have had my mac crash once and that was after I unplugged it from my thunderbolt display.

      I miss some of the games but as a business machine to use every day it is totally brilliant.

  • Orange

    I had a start button in win8 from my first day using it. I noticed it was gone, googled it, found the windows shell, done. It’s not a big deal to “fix.” It’s only very silly that it needs to be done at all.

  • Graeme

    As a Windows 8 user I just downloaded Classic Shell and now I boot straight to the desktop and have a start menu again. I’m not at all interested in the Metro look or the app store etc. It looks like a first year Graphics student designed it and to be honest that’s being a bit unkind to the students.