Viewer discretion advised

Just when you thought it was safe to watch television again…you’ve spent many months not watching televisions and have now reached the point that you are thinking of sitting down and watching a documentary next Thursday night…warning…you may want to re-think that.

Helen_pcard

 

It looks like $294,505 of taxpayers money went into this production. There doesn’t seem to be much other information available other than this on NZ On Air’s website.

NZONAIR

 

No doubt on her many loyal followers still milking the system for all the coin they can scrabble up.

 


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  • tarkwin

    There goes my lunch. God she’s horrible. That photo would be a great cure for masturbation. Wonder if SCS has the same one on his bedroom wall.

    • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

      ROFLOL!! tarkwin, here is some one you can keep in the wallet and secretly adore during lunch time…..

      • tarkwin

        You bastard! I need a drink before I go blind!

        • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

          You’d need a few rounds before heading back home to service that! The porter in Macbeth was wrong: it sure enhances the desire, but performing for that is enhanced too. I couldn’t hop on that without at least a bottle of Bombay Sapphire under my belt!

      • Dave

        And I thought s/he was your wife SCS.

        • tarkwin

          If this goes on much longer we’ll all need to go to Specsavers.

        • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

          He he, I am a female or could be male or could be an alien, who knows….

          • tarkwin

            After looking at that you wouldn’t be hungry.

      • steve and monique

        Now there’s a face only a mother could love.

        • Bunswalla

          My two favourite Irish expressions, learned at me Mammy’s knee – coincidentally both highly appropriate here:

          1. She’s got a face that would stop a clock.
          2. She’s got a face like a boiled shite, that one.

          • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

            1. The letter ‘l’ in the clock is not needed
            2. As Sheep would say “Cover the face, fire the base” – Enjoy Bunswalla

        • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

          Well she redefines the definition for beauty…..

          • sandynobb

            She’s beautiful on the inside.

          • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

            Yeah Right!

    • cows4me

      He did but it’s worn out and stuck together.

    • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

      Picture her giving you an over under while Sue Bradford films you on her Iphone4S…

      • Sponge

        FFS sake man it is dinner time.

      • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

        tarkwin deserves this for making fun of me having aunty’s picture in the bedroom wall ha ha !!!

        • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

          All I can say to that is that Wayne Rooney would appreciate it. It is a shame that there are so few with his kind of discernment for the rubenesque and face-first-into-the-reversing-ugly-bus variety of women.

  • cows4me

    Is NZ on Air taking on Hollywood ? Not that I’m into horror movies but some like them.

  • maninblack

    no wonder peter went gay.

    • tarkwin

      That man has seen things that would make Rambo cry.

      • andrew carrot

        Maybe not.

        • tarkwin

          Are you suggesting Rambo (my hero) has some kind of weird fetish for a pathologically ugly rug munching man hating former dictator?

          • andrew carrot

            Not at all! I’m suggesting Peter may not have yet seen the things you’re referring to.

  • sandynobb

    A hagiography.

    • Bunswalla

      In every respect!

    • Rex Widerstrom

      Yes, ignoring from the misogynistic dribble about her looks, the fundamental issue here is whether NZ on Air has funded and even-handed look at her rise to power, focusing on her significant failures as well as her achievements, and giving her many critics a voice as well as her acolytes.

      If it’s a documentary as it claims to be, then much as one may not personally like the topic it’s a valid addition to hundreds of hours of documentary profiling other Prime Ministers. If, however, it’s a hagiography then it’s an inexcusable abuse of taxpayers’ money and the producers ought to have to pay it back.

      Alas I won’t be able to watch, but hopefully others have their PVRs at the ready and know how to upload to Youtube.

      • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

        It isn’t misogynistic to disparage ugliness in a woman. Women ought to be beautiful. These beasts are an affront to femininity.

        • Rex Widerstrom

          We’re damned lucky the rule doesn’t apply to men then aren’t we, Adonis?

          Tell me, would you have the front to march up to a woman who falls beneath your standards and inform her she’s failing to meet her obligations?

          I ask because if you do, with Julie Christie now decreeing what’s suitable TV viewing I reckon I could make a small fortune following you round with a camera crew. As “‘Funniest’ Home Videos” proves, there’s nothing people like more than seeing someone come a cropper dozens of times in a half hour… :-D

          • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

            It is fine for Julie Christie to declare what is suitable TV viewing because the only people watching TV now are retarded, so what a perfect spokesperson for such a medium!

            Besides, if I make an ass of myself in front of what was once known as “the general public,” the real effect is that a few cotton buds and lowbrows who can’t operate a computer or a remote control will use me as a kind of cultural piñata to show how in tune with the “modern world” they are compared with me. The problem is all of their notions of modernity are grounded in the late 70s and mid 80s, but of course, I’m happy to help them feel better about themselves appreciating that they leave one hell of a lot to be desired. I am a caring individual after all :-)

          • Rex Widerstrom

            Heh :-) I was just thinking the other day how much we’ve lost, in terms of having common cultural touchstones, since the days when Richard and Judy brought us the news and Holmes actually interviewed people.

            To think, we used to criticise all that as being too lowbrow and lightweight.

            If my current self could talk to my past self, it’d sound like Monty Python’s “The Four Yorkshiremen”.

            “‘olmes? You’re complainin’ abaht ‘olmes? You were looky! We get a cheap knock-off of a failed Australian panel show or a half ‘our advert for t’ ‘Socialist Worker’. ‘alf the news is actually sport and the other ‘alf is usually about a dog on a surfboard…”

          • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

            Here’s some advice. Grow a ponytail, buy a bone carving necklace and join the Greens while keeping that attitude and you’ll have all the tang you want. The problem is, you’ll need a gib lifter to access any genitalia once you (undoubtedly) get lucky after spouting off platitudes about fugliness.

    • andrew carrot

      I want to apply to NZonAir for funds to film a hagiography too! It would be about NZ’s exalted physicist, Ernest Rutherford, who, by stretching the bow, can be crowned the Inventor of the A-Bomb. But I doubt I’ll get the funding. However, if I add the angle that as the Inventor of the A-Bomb, Lord R also founded Greenpeace, then I think I’m in with a bloody good chance.

      • Liberty

        NZ on air spend money on Lord Rutherford don’t be silly. NZ on air isn’t interested in heroes.
        You have to be a loser or a modern pinko type hero.

        • andrew carrot

          That’s why the connection has to be made between man inventing the Bomb and hippies banning the Bomb. Difficult, I admit, but here are the vital facts: he didn’t experiment on radioactive substances in NZ (evidence of the NIMBY trait evident in all greenies), he was born in Nelson (the greenie Valhalla), and he had facial hair. There you go, the archetypal Greenpeace member. Now where’s my funding?

      • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

        Thanks to the calibre of the education system under subsequent Labour governments, I don’t think enough people in the country have the capacity to appreciate his ideas and work.

        • Peej

          Have there been enough years not under Labour for anything positive to happen in the education system? Positive enough to appreciate the ideas and work of other pioneers.

          • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

            It might eat into the popularity of the Big Bang Theory. We’d best never take such a risk with the “minds” of the next generation…

          • Dave

            I heard Mallard has other ideas about the Big Bang theory, but it involved Jacinda, nothing to do with evolution!

          • Hazards001

            Mallard should know he’s wasting his effort on that theory. The evolution of that big bang belongs to the great mentor aunty H.

          • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

            It comes from a deeply repressed childhood memory of his grandmother’s dentures dropping out while she was sipping on a cup of bell tea and listening to the commentary on phar lap’s racing statistics before CS Lewis came on to talk about Christianity. My cultural references to oldness suck but here’s the jist, he is an old perv. :-) Shame the residents of the Hutt Valley can’t put away the engine lubricant, open a window to let the fumes out and see him for what he is…

    • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

      Pun fully intended huh?

  • steve and monique

    Is that a wig?

    • OT Richter

      No, it’s her upwardly growing armpit hair.

      • steve and monique

        YUK,mind you could be further south,then the pits.

  • OT Richter

    Made by ‘Departure & Return Productions’. Hopefully not an omen.

  • AnonWgtn

    Yuk – isn’t it enough that she is currently in New Zealand sorting out the Labour leadership debacle and sorting out with Grant Robertson a new UN job for David Shearer.

  • Jonathan Pull

    And Im sure if the great dictator Key leaves parliament he’ll have a doco done about his time in politics/power.
    Big deal.

    • Dave

      Correct, almost $300K of Taxpayers money is a big deal when spent making a pointless doco on a deposed commie dictator!!

      Just think how much that $300K could have returned if invested in MRP, or in educating a few more kids to speak and write english etc etc. The ROI would be a lot higher.

      • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

        I don’t think pouring more money into education is going to help kids learn. It will just go to the bureaucrats in the education ministry and embolden further the tendentious nutters working in that so-called “profession” of “teaching”.

    • Bunswalla

      Perhaps but unlike your dear leader JK doesn’t have to be airbrushed and photo-shopped beyond recognition just to prevent people from vomiting on sight.

      • AngryTory

        Yep. Exactly the same policies with a prettier face.

        What NZ voted for and what NZ got.

        • Mediaan

          Totally, totally different people. Key has a brain, and he is doing it to help his country (witness refusal to accept salary during his time in parliament).

          Key also has business knowhow, successful international experience, a good track record in our most powerful historically-friendly country, a strong sense of how to manage people usefully, and the needed instincts to express facts frankly. He thinks on his feet, and does not have to go climbing a mountain or such regularly to get him out of the way.

          He also didn’t go along with appointing a cabinet heavily weighted with Catholics, (just look at the top five places in it for a start), neglecting other factors in NZ.

          None of those applies to Headline Helen.

        • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

          So if we want your policies, how can me enact them? It was ultimately the choice of the lesser of two evils despite this being a proportional representation system. What’s up with hoi polloi judgement?

  • John.Doe.2013

    Can’t believe this is a two part doco !!!! Must have plenty of ad breaks. Some things I am certain will and won’t be covered:
    Covered – Mike fat bastard Williams. I wonder how many times he mentions his good mate & benefactor Paul Homes ?
    Covered – how she cried on her wedding day
    Not covered – how she cried when Peter was caught filling in young boys in an airport toilet
    Not covered – how she lied and stole from the public eg pledge cards and the artwork signing
    Not covered – why she was so scared that Michael Cullen would “out”her and H2
    Not covered – how she despised rod Donald, Jeanette fitsimmons and all green smelly hippies
    Not covered – her role in knifing Mike Moore, and Palmer.
    Not covered – how she and Cullen conspired to lie to the public and incoming national party about the state of the books
    Not covered – her real anti family, and social engineering agenda for NZ

    • cows4me

      Way to go John Doe. Her whole life has been air brushed for the useful idiots.

    • steve and monique

      And her spitting on soldiers with Goff

    • Travis Poulson

      “Covered – how she cried on her wedding day”

      Because she wasn’t marrying the woman of her dreams.

  • Mediaan

    I know already how she did it. And it is not pretty.

    The woman was a selfish, power-seeking cow.

  • andrew carrot

    The film-maker is Claudia Lynn Eyley, who’s production company is in Mount Albert. According to her website, she makes art out of Perspex, screen-prints, all sorts of interesting stuff. She’s also one of three directors of Departure & Return Productions, all of whom have the same name and live at the same address, which must make it interesting at times. Her website also lists her filmography:
    “As a filmmaker, Claudia has directed three films to date, with a fourth (the official biography of the former New Zealand Prime Minister, the Rt. Hon. Helen Clark) in pre-production.

    In 2006 her first documentary film Departure and Return -The final journey of the Rainbow Warrior was premiered in the NZ International Film Festival

    She followed with No Nukes Is Good Nukes! The legacy of New Zealand’s Grassroots Ant-Nuclear Movement and the passage into law of the Act of Parliament in 1987 which saw New Zealand become a nuclear free nation.

    2008 saw Kit & Maynie, the story of two 90 year old peace activists who live on Waiheke Island in the Hauraki Gulf of New Zealand.”

    Viewers won’t need their rose-tinted glasses for the “Helen” extravaganza; they’re already built into the film.

    • Col

      So she went too Uni and studied the evolution of earth, and spent most of her time printing banners. I m FUCKING glad we have JK and the troops.

      • andrew carrot

        I hope, when you mention “the troops”, that you’re not referring to Brownlee. Think of the cost of filming his biography, a production that could only be shown in IMAX theatres!

        • Dave

          Yes, but would still be a better Production than Helen. Unless, its used to cure insomniacs, she could put anyone to sleep, that or scar them for life.

        • Col

          Yes, and if he don’t lose weight soon, he will never see the rebuild start lol

  • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

    Guys – Watch the documentary and salute the women who saved us from disaster….. She is the one who put NZ on the international map….show some respect please

    • Simo

      Jeeeez….Taking into consideration her time at the helm, the generation of retards she has empowered will boil you up on the heath, put you in the ground and dance on your grave. Respect?……your a sad bastard SCS.

    • Col

      She sure is a right mother that Helen, fucks around for years and then pisses off for a better life in the UN, and leaves all her retarded children to run the family business. Yes and her name could have been MARY mother of GOD.

  • sweetd

    As much as I enjoyed my lunch, alas its now gone.

    I can’t help wondering about the timing of this; a compare and contrast exercise between H1 and Sheep. Is this a none too subtle reminder that she who must not be named may have left the building but this is still her Labour party and she still makes the decisions.

    Regardless, it will still put the pressure and the limelight back on labour exposing all the wrong things and leave the nats to keep getting on with business.

  • Col

    Thank God I m working those days.

  • Shoreboy57

    Jeez that Labour party photo-shopper was a legend

  • Drhill

    It just shows that Labour is still under the shadow of Helen Clark. While the party is trying to move on 5 years after their defeat the country will be reminded what it was like under Helen.

    • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

      That isn’t true. Most students under 22 would vote for her in a heartbeat. Unfortunately.
      Democracy is a naïve and childish belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. Thanks to what Labour has done to social dynamics and the education system, we’re in their thrall. Just count yourself lucky that you can get a passport and fly out of the place if need be.

  • Rodger T

    C`mon you would all tap it………………..double tap it, that is.

    • M3N78L

      and one through heart to make sure. it’d have to be silver though, you don’t want that thing coming back.

  • johnbronkhorst

    Bastard…I only have one bucket to throw up in and this is a definite 2 bucket story!

  • DLNZ

    Money well invested. It will remind all the Labour voters of the “Helen Days” and make them realise how far down the shitter they are with Shearer.

  • Peej

    Clark may have done enough to bullshit/brainwash herself into whatever she did such as get to be leader of a political party. She got to be elected by people more than once and has done a few other things with her life which makes her a write-off but she actually did something. Claudia Eyley has done some creative things which may be rubbished. But she did something.

    Rather than wasting all their words let all the sceptics and malevolent ones use them to present their own achievement list, not spend them on wasters like Clark and Eyley. I’m sure we would love to list for the world all of the significant things we’ve done and how we’ve tried to make a difference. And maybe also when we learned to be so sneering and misanthropic.

    • Hazards001

      Sure I’ll play.

      I spent my life building roads bridges subdivisions and numerous other tangible things that my kids will be able to show their Grandkids.

      Helen and her dyke mates gave us a legacy of hatred and taxation. She and her queer mates pissed NZ’s legacy and my hard fucking work down the toilet of her own ambition during one of the golden economic ages of our times just so she could gain a position in the biggest socialist piss weak money pit of all time the UN.

      As to when I learnt to be so sneering and misanthropic I think I can nail it down to roughly the 27 November 1999.

      • Peej

        Thank you for your positive contribution. May the force be with you and may your kids and grandkids appreciate your efforts, be rays of sunshine and live without hatred and enmity.

        • Hazards001

          Get a job!

      • Liberty

        That is what you call a good post.

  • emmess

    Look at the description on TV3 site

    Part 1 of 2. From farm girl to first woman elect Prime Minister. This documentary tells the story of Helen Clark’s battle to win the hearts and minds of the Labour Party, ordinary Kiwis, and ultimately, her tory father.

    Tory father???? Just from that, you can tell is going to be a total leftist wankfest.

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