What about battered husbands?

I know it doesn’t happen often, but it does happen, husbands can be battered too. So how about changing the law to say spouse…now we have gay marriage we need to be inclusive.

Moves to push for a law change allowing battered wives who kill their husbands in cold blood to plead self-defence are being considered by a government committee.

The Family Violence Deaths Review Committee says New Zealand is out of step with other countries in not offering at least a partial defence for women who kill their husbands after years of abuse.  

The defence can be used when the killing is an immediate retaliation but not when the killing is premeditated.

People who emotionally, economically or physically batter their spouses are what Chopper Read says they are…weak gutless individuals…they are mice, even if they hold high political office.


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  • opusx

    You are on to it Cam, replace the ‘women’ and ‘husbands’ with spouses and I’m fully for it. Making it a gender issue is a little on the nose as it should not make a difference what sex you are. It’s called the feminisation of the State and it’s been going on for some time now me thinks. Us blokes really are nasty pieces of work compared to the fairer sex.

  • JC

    Most of the stats I read on DV suggest the females initiate it at least half the time but come off worse once the male is fully engaged. I’m not terribly thrilled with the idea of a female who initiates the violence and comes off second best then gets a pass if she knifes and kills him next time around.

    Most of us have this quaint notion of the female as perpetual victim of DV but down in the mean streets they know better..


  • pukakidon

    There is already a law for an appropriate level of defence. I have no time for a man who assaults a woman, because that is utterly gutless. However so is not walking out of the house or having the perpetrator of the violence removed from the house by Police and by following this up with a prosecution.

    I think we need to start with not beating our woman and children first, if us men cant stop that then there is no hope. I am not sure trying to water this down because a few men get assaulted by their woman is what we should be concentrating on.

    Simple, if you beat you Wife/Girlfriend/Mother/Sister you are a cowardly gutless arsehole.

    • Clarence

      The Police don’t do much where women are the perpetrator. They would rather treat it as a middle NZ family squabble and ignore it. The Police don’t believe guys and inherently see women as victims. When women are violent the Police assume that the guy did something to justify the girl being psycho.

      • pukakidon

        Clarance, I agree that is wrong and if there has been an accusation of assault regardless of the sex of the perp it should be acted upon.

      • opusx

        Have you had experience of this yourself? This is concerning as Police should be treating each case on it’s merits and not based on gender,race or sexual preference. I know it can happen, but the measures in place internally for the organisation should see failings like you’re alluding to happen very rarely.

  • Ururoa

    Oh isn’t this all about how language is used to twist our perceptions. At the mere mention of “abuse”, our entire mindset twists and we cannot perceive how deceptive the perpetrators of these crimes can be. If the victim of physical abuse wishes to use this as a defense, can the victim of emotional or mental abuse not call on the same defense?

    Clayton Weatherston used provocation as a defense in his trial. In effect, he said he had been emotionally abused by his victim (his ex-girlfriend). In the aftermath of that pathetic crock of shit we actually threw out provocation as a defense from our legal system.

    Now the Family Violence Deaths Review Committee wants to re-introduce provocation as a defence? So pricks like Clayton can again argue they were provoked? If it was an organisation called the “Mens Emotional Defense League” proposing this, how would you react?

    FFS NZ, grow up please. Not everyone in the world is nice, you know? While 99% of the people you meet are great, there are some real nasty fuckers out there; don’t we teach our kids about them?

    There is a real simple solution to spousal abuse, a 2-step process. It’s called Walk Away and Ask For Help. The systems, processes and support are all there (more-so for women than men, but there is stuff in place for men as well).

    Your spouse is your choice and if it turns to shit it is your responsibility to get the fuck out.

    We gotta get back to the basics of teaching our kids how to take care of themselves first.

    • opusx

      And what happened to the time when real men took responsibility for their actions. Anyone can lose it for all sorts of reasons, but when you fuck up, and you know you’ve gone too far, stand up and say so:
      “I fucked up, I know it was wrong, I have no excuse. Now do with me as you deem fit”
      When was the last time you heard a child killing piece of scum get up in Court and say “I don’t need a lawyer, I don’t need my family to close ranks around me…and to lie for me. I did it, I’m a fucken monster, and I am sorry, but I am here for my punishment”?

      • Ururoa

        And when was the last time you heard a spouse get up and say “I made his life a living hell. I abused him and criticised him non-stop, belittled him in front of his children, and generally made him into a piece of shit in front of all and sundry.”

        Again the solution is Stand Up, Walk Away, Ask for Help.

        One thing I have always stressed with my kids; every situation you go into, know exactly how you are going to get out of it before you go in. Whether that be a house party on a Friday night that might erupt into an all out brawl or a nightclub with only one fire exit, have an exit strategy in place before you walk in the door. Same goes for relationships.

        • opusx

          Agree completely. The help is out there. And I don’t get the whole ‘run your spouse down in front of everyone’ thing. When did that become fun???

    • DDS

      Except if kids are involved. Men get the shot end of the stick in custody battles because the court nearly always appoints the mother primary caregiver. Imagine being a bloke who gets punched often by his Missus for no good reason (perhaps she has a mental condition) and then in leaving he gets stiffed by the courts for custody. Guys have no choice but to stick it out long enough to resolve the matter. And yes women get custody even when they are violent or on P for example and even if the father is a genuinely well rounded bloke with the right stuff.

      • opusx

        The Family Court is a whole different can of worms. Here I can honestly say from experience, it is gender biased towards women.

        Check out this site and prepare to get very angry if you’re a male involved in custody issues. I used to give advice on the site to men at their wits end, but stopped due to regressing into having very deep anger issues, least of all going to Steve Maharey’s office when Labia were in power and being told in no uncertain terms that “it’s just the way it is, and there’s nothing you can really do about it…being a male and all’


  • cows4me

    I thought the goal of the modern liberal woman was equality, here you go girls, or are some more equal than others?

  • Black eye pea-ved

    I’m a guy and I have been subject to the humiliating and powerless receiving end of domestic violence in which my (ex) wife was the peelrpetrator.
    I was powerless to do anything because nobody believes a guy is innocent and the woman just blew lies like a smoke stack. Police eventually cottoned on but only after a few witnessed episodes and some secret recording with a hidden camera.
    As a man you can do nothing. One has no defence except to take it. Generally friends sympathise but don’t step in and mostly expect you to man up and deal with it – whatever that really means.
    If the govt stupidly think women are innocent parties they have rocks in their heads. My ex-wife has a behavioural disorder diagnosed by Mental Health psychologists. It took 5 years of bashings and abuse before anyone took it seriously and another two to safely remove myself and kids from the home without loss of custody.
    It was a nightmare. Some women are nasty and violent pieces of work. And noisy would know.

    • Ururoa

      Kia kaha to you. While I wasn’t on the receiving end of any physical violence, the emotional violence was extreme.

      And that is just reality. In all honesty, men use the tools at hand, women likewise. I kept my tools in the toolbox, never once brought them out, but the ex brought hers out day after day after day, in full view of all and sundry.

      In such a case, if I had of opened my tool box, could I claim provocation under the new rules if I reacted a la Clayton Weatherston?

  • GregK

    I agree with Black eye peaved. I’ve been in a relationship with an abusive woman and what a shock to the system that was. Nobody does anything to help you – it’s like society expects you to grab a Speights and deal with it.
    I could get away from it. I had no kids. But I can only imagine how fucked up it would with kids. A guy would get shafted. It’s the way of modern society. Men are hated. Men are assumed to be bad. Women all caring and nice. It’s bullshit

    • Moa

      Oh the power of the vagina. It lures men in under the pretence of a soft and lovely eye flitting veneer. Then, once hooked and on the commitment chain the vagina heals over and the mouth cranks open.

      • opusx

        I know, right, wouldn’t life be so much easier if you could just be with another man?

  • Mr_V4
  • Cadwallader

    This is a shit idea. It is a roundabout way of reintroducing the defence of provocation which has been previously shown to create difficulties in situations where acuity is required.