So accurate I nearly fell for it

The best satire is that which is so close tot he truth.

This effort from Ben Uffindel was so close to the truth it nearly got me…eerily close to the truth actually.

Friends, colleagues, and fellow New Zealanders; I am concerned.

When my former leader, David Shearer, announced last week that he would be resigning from his position as the chief representative of our party, I knew that I had a decision to make.

The media was asking me what my intentions were. People were urging me to step forward and put my hand up.

They said to me “David, you’re perfect for this. You can do this. You can rebuild the party. You’re the only one who can.” And then I stepped away from the bathroom mirror, and I said “Yeah, you know what? I have to do this.”  

That is why I stand before you today, to ask for your endorsement to be the leader of the New Zealand Labour Party.

I have to do this not because I’ve been asked to, but because, over the last five years, I have become deeply and genuinely concerned about me.

In 2008, under a Labour government, I was a minister earning upwards of $240,000 a year. Today, under John Key’s National Government, I earn $141,000 a year.

How did that happen? When did we start accepting less?

The last line is especially good.

 


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • Ben has set a new standard for political satire blogging. I do wish he would be harder on himself and weed out some of the lame ducks. Because when he’s on form, he’s very, very good.

  • Col

    Love it. Think we can relate too that, or don’t you have a mirror in the bathroom.

  • It would not surprise at all if the Cunliffe home in Herne Bay features an en-suite bathroom just for David’s use, totally mirror tiled; wall floor and ceilings!

  • LabTested

    I loved this line

    ‘I am sick and tired of watching hope die in the eyes of my wife’

  • kehua

    He is very good.

52%