Sounds like good common sense


Men are simple creatures, there are only a few, easy to be remembered ways to keep a man happy. Here is the feminists guide to keeping a man happy.

If JT said it the front bums would have the shits with him.

  1. Never, ever disagree with him. Even when you know he’s wrong. Men don’t like being told that they don’t know what they’re talking about. It makes them feel sad, and when a man’s sad it’s not just his eyes that cry….it’s also his penis.
  2. Laugh at all his jokes. Even when they’re not funny. Even when you know they’re not funny, because you’re actually funnier than him. Because you are a comedian, and you get paid to write jokes and deliver them so that people laugh. Still laugh at his jokes, and listen with an interested, slightly awed expression when he tells you why women find it harder to be funny than men. He probably knows what he’s talking about, because he owns the entire box set of Black Books and can quote it QUITE extensively. 
  3. Take care of yourself. Men like women who take care of themselves, because it shows that they care about what the man thinks. But don’t go crazy or anything, because men like real women with curves and big appetites but fast metabolisms that can negative gear the calories of a cheese steak in less time than it takes to admire how someone can put so much food away and still look petite enough to carry over a threshold. Don’t wear too much makeup. Yuck.
  4. Make sure he knows how smart he is.This can be done in a range of ways, but the easiest is probably just asking him to give his opinion on something. It doesn’t matter what it is – men pretty much know a little bit of something about a little bit of everything. It’s biological. If you’re not sure why, just find a man and ask him. I bet he has something interesting to say on the matter.
  5. Understand his needs. Men are complicated creatures, and they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. They have to design all the things, run all the things, explain all the things. It’s a tough job. At the end of the day, a man needs to have a range of different needs met. He needs to be nurtured. He needs to be supported. And he needs to be honoured. Sexually. You have to be three things, all at once! Take a leaf out of Liberace’s book.

I don’t agree that men are complicated creatures…vey simple in fact. All of the above can be boiled down to three simple things that work to keep a man happy.

Men need to be;

  1. Well Fed
  2. Well Fucked
  3. Given a pat on the back every so often so we know we are appreciated.

And in that order. Simple.


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  • Men need to be;

    Well Fed

    Well Fucked

    Given a pat on the back every so often so we know we are appreciated.

    And in that order. Simple.

    Sadly enough, that really is the extent of it.

    • Rex Widerstrom

      Really? I can’t recall seeing those mentioned by Maslow or similar theorists (unless “pat on the back” could be taken to mean “self actualisation” :-D)
      But then these parts hereabouts seem to be populated with simple folk, in every sense of the word :-P

    • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

      If so, then it is a cause for optimism, surely…

      • True. Although a lot of men even struggle to attain these simple things :)

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  • Bart

    Actually, you can break it down to two things.
    1, turn up, 2, bring beer!

    • IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

      Don’t forget: “spread ’em!”

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  • P1LL

    Women need to be loved ,hugged , respected & have a faithful partner , to be able to follow your 3 rules.