Duck gets slayed by The Gluc

Things are pretty bad in Trevor Mallard’s life right now…so much so he is extending his taxpayer funded junket in San Francisco in order to avoid coming home to face the music the humiliating requirement to kiss the ring of the guy who’s running the show now.

However getting mocked by Rachel Glucina has to be pretty bad.

Also there, somewhere, is Trevor Mallard. We know he’s in San Fran because he booked an open ticket. The taxpayer-funded spectator told Breakfast this week, “I’d like to see the Cup concluded before I come home.” Who wouldn’t? Seems he’s keen to play the postponement card. Coming home is not enticing, with arch-nemesis David Cunliffe in power wielding a demotion wand.

Mallard, who lost his role as shadow leader of the House, was spotted out on the Team NZ chase boat this week in his Lycra cycling gear, but back here, political hacks say he’s screening calls and won’t return messages. “To paraphrase Otis, he’s sittin’ on the dock of the bay wastin’ time,” one chortled. 

So inconspicuous has he been that parliamentarians took to Twitter on Wednesday to play Where’s Trev?

Peter Dunne and Judith Collins joked he could be hiding out at Alcatraz. “Mallard, the Birdman of Alcatraz. Geddit?” guffawed political blogger/TV producer Tim Watkin.

Steven Joyce offered his search and rescue skills when he was out on a chase boat yesterday. “Saw Trevor Mallard. Passed on message to phone home,” he tweeted.

“But it’s so much nicer in the House not having to put up with that twerp,” Paula Bennett jeered.

Mallard will have to deal with more than relegation when he returns. The foes of the captain of the ABC (Anyone But Cunliffe) Club are circling. They want to see Mallard’s bills from his junket. “Any chance Parliamentary Service might ask for its money back?” asked Collins.

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.