Duck gets slayed by The Gluc

Things are pretty bad in Trevor Mallard’s life right now…so much so he is extending his taxpayer funded junket in San Francisco in order to avoid coming home to face the music the humiliating requirement to kiss the ring of the guy who’s running the show now.

However getting mocked by Rachel Glucina has to be pretty bad.

Also there, somewhere, is Trevor Mallard. We know he’s in San Fran because he booked an open ticket. The taxpayer-funded spectator told Breakfast this week, “I’d like to see the Cup concluded before I come home.” Who wouldn’t? Seems he’s keen to play the postponement card. Coming home is not enticing, with arch-nemesis David Cunliffe in power wielding a demotion wand.

Mallard, who lost his role as shadow leader of the House, was spotted out on the Team NZ chase boat this week in his Lycra cycling gear, but back here, political hacks say he’s screening calls and won’t return messages. “To paraphrase Otis, he’s sittin’ on the dock of the bay wastin’ time,” one chortled. 

So inconspicuous has he been that parliamentarians took to Twitter on Wednesday to play Where’s Trev?

Peter Dunne and Judith Collins joked he could be hiding out at Alcatraz. “Mallard, the Birdman of Alcatraz. Geddit?” guffawed political blogger/TV producer Tim Watkin.

Steven Joyce offered his search and rescue skills when he was out on a chase boat yesterday. “Saw Trevor Mallard. Passed on message to phone home,” he tweeted.

“But it’s so much nicer in the House not having to put up with that twerp,” Paula Bennett jeered.

Mallard will have to deal with more than relegation when he returns. The foes of the captain of the ABC (Anyone But Cunliffe) Club are circling. They want to see Mallard’s bills from his junket. “Any chance Parliamentary Service might ask for its money back?” asked Collins.


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  • johnbronkhorst

    Brings back magic memories…the song…not mallard.
    Listening to it.
    Literally sitting on the dock of San Fransico bay, waiting for the Alcatraz ferry (c1983), watching a gridiron game on the security guard.s TV, while he explained the rules.
    Sun was shining and all was right with the world!!!

  • johnbronkhorst

    As for mallard….who gives a fuck…good riddance.

    • blokeintakapuna

      his goose is cooked!

    • Bunswalla


  • Poor Trev; getting a kicking from Our Rach is about as rock-bottom as it gets. He must be absolutely distraught.

  • OhopeBeachBugger

    Duck, former shallow leader of the house.

    • johnbronkhorst

      “shallow”….as a car park puddle!

      • OhopeBeachBugger

        Yeah he’d be out of his depth in one of those…

  • williamabong

    So help to clear all this up, WTF is Mallard doing in San Francisco ? it’s started as a taxpayer funded junket now it looks like he’s playing ostrich as he knows when he pulls his scrawny neck out he’s going to get it pruned.
    The junket is the most disgusting part of this as Mallard has zero influence on anything to do with the yachting, it would by real nice to be able to say to your employer “I’m off to San Fran, see you when I get back, and by the way you’re paying”
    Send the troughing pretender home and deduct the cost of the trip from his final pay.

  • cows4me

    Mallard will take some relief in the fact that duck season has passed but I’m sure cunny is not adverse to a bit of poaching.

  • LionKing

    Cunliffe should recall the MP. He’s yet another vulnerable MP that needs taking care of.

    • johnbronkhorst

      “…needs taking care of..”……………Sounds very godfatherish!!

  • Phil

    Said it other day, will say it again – message to Mallard… ha ha ha ha ha ha… ha ha ha ha ha …. … ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  • kaykaybee

    Why does the NZ taxpayer have the added burden of indefinitely wining, dining an opposition MP in San Fransisco? Does the Labour Party not remember their 2010 brushes with overreaching expenses? What irony Mallard tweets an hour ago about worker poverty, while he indulges in taxpayer funded luxury.

    ‏Order him back to work Mr Cunliffe

  • Macca

    Loving this! For all the shit this spanker has flung about over the years, and the tissue of lies he’s told, it’s a joy to watch his ducks coming home to roost!
    As ye sow………………….

  • Agent BallSack

    Holy shit it must be duck season if a lightweight reporter (figuratively not literally) such as The Gluc is targeting you.

  • Whafe

    This brings copious amounts of joy to my world…. Couldn’t be happening to a bigger A-Hole

  • Col

    I heard on the grapevine he has been offered a job with one of the Americas cup team. That want him to be lookout up the mast. I was told he needs to be swayed into the job.

  • Grizz30

    How is Sending Mallard to SF a good use of taxpayer/ Labour party money?

    He can be hung, drawn and quartered at home.

  • ConwayCaptain

    It amazes me how Parliamentary Services allow these troughers to get away with it.
    When SCONZ went to the wall I had seen so called management troughing it left right and centre and then tell the officers you have to cut here and cut there whilst the NZSU swanned around.
    I joined NZ Steel in a marine posn and was told I would travel overseas and have to entertain. I asked how do I know where I should take people and what are my expenses. I was told use my common sense and think of where you are in the company hierarchy. Take someone out to dinner then think where would you take your wife??
    It worked a treat, I had to produce receipts but was allowed a small “no receipt” allowance for papers, buses, Metro rides etc.
    I was sent overseas on a 10 day trip that for various reasons got longer and longer and my personal cc was running out. There were NO NZ Steel Company cards. Phoned my boss in NZ and within 48 hrs my cc was topped up and all was sorted out when I got home. This was prior to BHP and they were GREAT to work for. Put in your expenses and they were paid on the Friday following. And I NEVER had my expenses queried as I followed the rules. All down to COMMON SENSE.

  • GazzW

    He who lives by the sword…………………

    There is a God after all.

    Karma is alive and well.

    I hope Cunliffe has asked the cleaning staff to dust off the seat next to Brendan Horan in the lepers’ section of the House.

  • RightOfGenghis

    Shoot me down in flames but wasn’t it Mallard who went against his caucus colleagues and shook the money tree for the 35m it took to get TNZ past first base. If so he needs a break just this once, imho…