Truer words were never spoken

Scott Yorke at Imperator Fish looks at the so-called democratic Labour leadership stakes.

[T]he most damaging thing possible for the party after such a well-behaved and civilly-conducted leadership contest, would be for the loser’s partisans to start bickering or throwing insults, or to accuse the party of having made a fatal mistake.

The worst possible outcome would be one where supporters of the loser threw their toys out of the cot and vowed to do everything possible to destabilise the winner.

If, for example, prominent left-wing blogsites decide to wage war against the winner, that dissension will be seized upon by the news media and by enemies of Labour, and any hopes of unity the party may have had as a result of this contest will disappear.

So whatever happens, we need to stay calm and keep our heads.

Unless David Cunliffe loses. 

That will be spectacular if David Cunliffe loses…really spectacular. Part of me wants this to happen jut to watch it all unfold. Scott explains what that will look like.

Because if David Cunliffe loses, nothing I have written above will apply. None of it. Not a word! It will be a fix, a disaster, an unspeakable outrage, a crime against democracy, an injustice, a terrible mistake, a travesty, a tragedy, a tragesty, a ludicrous and irrational decision, a disaster, a hideous wrong to which the only appropriate response will be ruthless and ceaseless war against the caucus members who allowed this to happen, and against the shadowy forces pulling their strings (the highly secretive and vindictive neoliberal cabal in charge of everything in Labour, and who also happen to be homosexual, which we don’t have any issue with at all, no not at all, and some of my best friends etc, and anyway they brought the issue up first, and it’s not fair!).

With that caveat in mind, let’s all of us on the left agree to support the winner regardless, because we can’t hope to dislodge National from the government benches if we’re still squabbling amongst ourselves.

Unless David Cunliffe loses. Because if he loses there will be hell to pay, and it would be better to destroy the entire party than suffer the indignity of seeing someone I didn’t vote for become the next Labour PM. If party democracy means I don’t get as leader the person I voted for, then I say to hell with party democracy!

It might be satire, but by god it is accurate. Then again the best satire always is.

We on the left think John Key’s a pretty lousy prime minister, who cares only for his rich mates, and has no long-term plan for this country, beyond allowing it to be stripped and looted. It’s essential that Key be removed from power as soon as possible, by any lawful means possible. That means we must above all unite and present a ferocious opposition to everything National do, without divisions, and with a relentless focus on ending National’s grip on power.

Except if David Cunliffe loses. Because if he loses the leadership contest I’ll be so mad that I’ll probably vote for National in 2014, just to teach Cunliffe’s enemies a lesson.

Yeah…and those last two paragraphs were the tell…you had me until there Scott.


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.

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