A tourism idea for Auckland Council

A reader sent in this in. It is a proposal for a tourism idea that I think has some merit.

He tells me he has sent it to the Auckland Council

Kia Ora.

I am writing this email to seek permission and assistance from the Auckland City Council and the Mayor’s Office for a paid tour proposal. The venture is a private one, and all costs associated would be met by the tour operator. I am based in Palmerston North but I have several associates in Auckland City (ratepayers) who are looking to run the tour on a daily basis. We are looking to run and promote the tour in the same vein as the immensely successful Lord of the Rings and Hobbit tours that have proved so popular with both local and overseas visitors.  

We envisage the Auckland City Council leg of the tour will only take around half to three quarters of an hour to complete. The proposed tour will need to include both the Mayor’s office and the Ngati Whatua Meeting Room, as each of these rooms are vital to the success and credibility of the tour.

We are hopeful the Mayor himself can set aside 2 minutes of his day at a time convenient, but on a regular basis, to be available for photo opportunities to tour members. We can provide the necessary props to give a degree of authenticity, including a large framed picture of a haloed Jesus Christ pointing and looking upwards to his father, our God Almighty, to be hung behind the Mayors desk in a prominent position. We do ask that the mayor remove any photographs of family as these may prove an unnecessary distraction to those wanting to concentrate on the task at hand. At the very least we ask that he places the photo’s face down on his desk during tour visits. We can provide a cardboard cut-out of the Mayor as a stand-in once he feels well enough to resume his scheduled public appearances.

I think the Tour will be an excellent money spinner, and will appeal especially to the local and overseas Chinese community. We are hoping to charge around $500 per person and the tour will take in other pertinent locations such as local hotels and Sky City. And while this is a private venture we will of course look after the Mayor’s office with a little tickle up under the table, so to speak (wink wink).

My major concern is that I believe there is only about a three year window to generate a truly viable income stream, as it is doubtful any other Mayor would be able to provide such a golden opportunity to generate income from an affair (or maybe situation for want of a better word) of this nature. Of course I realise the day to day running of a local body (especially one as large as the majestic Auckland City) is a serious undertaking. But it is clear the Mayor has in the past regularly set aside snippets of time from his busy schedule, so I’m sure he could once again oblige for such a noble cause as is ours.

We are so excited about this opportunity, that we are sharing this email with media and bloggers, so hopeful are we to get this started before the opportunity passes.

I look forward to your reply,

 


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  • Bafacu

    Classic!

  • Chancey

    might i suggest you send it direct to ATEED as well – they are the tourism and events CCO for Auckland

    http://businessaucklandnz.com/

    they have also announced today sponsorship for such excellent entrepreneurial operators such as yourself – so it might be worth pursuing this formally

    Major events sponsorship window now open The annual window of opportunity to apply for major events baseline sponsorship from Auckland Tourism Events and Economic Development (ATEED) is now open. –

    See more at: http://businessaucklandnz.com/#sthash.3nVOnVhb.dpuf

    • Wine Man

      For ATEED to get onside you need to demonstrate bedroom nights, this should be easy considering the Len use of hotels as well as the international coverage you will get in the hottest market in the world (China). From past experience in applying for funding you will also have to show significant sponsors so Maggi and Kleenex will do and I am sure TV3 and NZHerald will come on as your media partners quickly. Finally make sure you attach a Koha to your application, again from experience this is normally between $1000 and $5000 of folding cash or a bank cheque.

      • john Doe

        As an aside ..I wonder how much koha 2 minute len left for the use of the Ngati Whatua room?

        • Bunswalla

          koha – that’s an interesting name for what he left in the room

          • john Doe

            Apparently he made that many deposits he could have brought the place.

        • Wine Man

          less than a teaspoon I imagine

  • kaykaybee

    “…..set aside snippets of his time”. *snigger*

    Excellent tourist concept as PDB has made sure he’s put this fair city and the council on the map for all the wrong reasons. Were I to take this proposed tour I’d insist on the cardboard cutout version over kissing the ring of the actual His Eminence any day. Way too creepy…

  • God it must feel good to be an Aucklander with Len at the helm!

    • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

      God votes Lentils……

  • Kendall

    Having a meeting at the office (in Palmerston North) to raise some capital for this venture.

    • Chancey

      If you are applying for ATEED sponsorship you might want to offer an extended 1 day tour to include Honeysuckle Lane, and Polkinghornes Bay.

      Hence enhancing your chances of securing bedroom nights

      • rrroberto

        and a side trip to “Roots and Shoots” over at Waiheke

  • Harvey Wilson

    I couldn’t work out if this was a piss take until I read “a haloed Jesus Christ pointing and looking upwards to his father, our God Almighty”. Yep.

  • I’d like the catering franchise. Brown noodles, served soft, within 2 minutes ….

    • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

      He is still the mayor and there is nothing we can do…..

      • There is actually SCS; we can extract the piss from Brown at every opportunity, as WO’s tipster has done. Two Minute Len the Pants-Down Mayor will never be taken seriously again.

  • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

    Will there be a “Live Act” as part of this tour with tissues and all that? Just checkin…

    • Wine Man

      Maybe David Bowie can play and sing China Girl?

      • Or “Birth Control to Ginger Tom”

      • Agent BallSack

        2 minutes to midnight Iron Maiden

  • Col

    Good one.

  • john Doe

    I think this whole concept has merit. The tour could climax with a porno viewing in the Ngati Whatua room!

    • sheppy

      But only for 2 minutes to ensure authenticity

      • john Doe

        Fore Shore. Tissues, the works.

        • sheppy

          Maybe you could offer an extended tour if any more appear

  • john Doe

    Extra marital affairs could also be organised from the Mayors office….this is endless

  • Mr_Blobby

    Great Idea, expect a short shift though.

    Have one problem, Kia Ora. Now by all means communicate in Maori (100%) if you want, but don’t use some sort of bastard Maori/English hybrid. English or Maori please not some sort of Engori or Maolish.

  • captainnotsosensible

    Hilarious – good one! :-)

  • Sooty

    I keep repeat imagining Pants Down Len in the Ngati Whatua room having Chinese takeaways. GOD, you would need the table and chairs replaced and the room steam cleaned. Imagine the thoughts of everyone going to a meeting in that room now. How can pants down sit at the head of the table now.

  • Bruno 32

    Of course Tv3 and Mazda will be the primary sponsors.And of course the New Zealand Herald .

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