What would be your zombie plan?

The Herald has an interesting article about what looks to be a fun event.

I am a 39-year-old man in excess of 1.82m who is squealing like a little girl because a man in a zombie costume has just grabbed hold of his leg. To be fair, it is the middle of the night in the woods just outside Muriwai and I am busy trying to crawl away through a wet concrete tunnel, but still I should have expected something like this.

However many times I told myself during the Zombie Survival Challenge that none of this was real, I never quite shook the fear of the awful dull-coloured entities lurching out of the trees and into the trembling torchlight in my hands.

And it was great.  

The challenge was created by Stu Gilbert and Brad Smith, who drew on their experiences from previous military careers to create this uniquely hysterical test of nerve and presence of mind. The course requires participants to evade the undead while travelling to a series of checkpoints and challenges along a 2.5km meandering loop through the bush.

Sounds great…so what would you take to avoid the zombie apocalypse? What is your zombie plan?

My zombie load out would be something like this…

Primary – M4 Carbine – ACOG Scope, Extended Mag (loads of available ammo everywhere)
Secondary- Benelli M4 Tactical Shotgun (loads of available ammo) Proven against zombies

Melee – A machete or similar chopping weapon.



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  • Dick Brown

    Unsurprisingly to some maybe I have thought long and hard about a zombie apocalypse, or indeed any form of extinction level event.

    The first thing I would do is ditch my family and friends; most of them are obese and there are enough humans on the planet for them to act as distractions.

    While I go ‘solo’; hoarding canned food, stealing a .22, shotgun, hunting rifle and crossbow.

    And then I go bush; you won’t see me until either the danger is manageable or humanity truly is doomed and I commit suicide.

    If we weren’t meant to be then I’m not going to try and live until I die.

    • Goldie

      Problem going solo is that you have no-one to help you, care for you if you get sick, warn you, maintain watch, keep you company and keep you sane. I would be joining a stable group of families – several able-bodied men and women (equal number and in relationships so there is no jealousy/sex problems), and kids to keep a society going.

      You are so weighed down with firearms and crossbows you have become immobile. And firearms make noise which attract zombies and cause them to herd.

      Going bush, you will quickly run out of food (you can only live off pigs and deer for so long) and starve/die of hypothermia within a month. I’d seek a farm – good soil, a spring, some dairy cows and pigs, fortified farmhouse.

      • Dick Brown

        Oh, I have all those problems sorted out; going bush in NZ still means you can be half a days walk from civilisation, Canned food, UHT liquids and dried foods will be so plentiful I could live for years simply camping out a kilometre away from your average kiwi town.

        The guns are for fellow survivors; by that I mean I would shoot them if discovered and steal their stuff.

        The crossbow is for much, much later when I need it to hunt.

        And by that time I won’t be able to walk three feet without tripping over animals due to the resultant population explosion.

  • Bad__Cat

    I would put up a whole lot of WINZ signs with an arrow facing away. I work next to a WINZ office and it works perfectly.

  • thor42

    At first, I thought I would point them to the Labour Party HQ, but then I realised – zombies love brains and Labour doesn’t have any…..

  • Rodger T

    My Zombie plan ?
    Why,I just would`nt vote for them.

    • James Growley

      A flame thrower would be more hygienic…….

  • cows4me

    Zombie’s should be easy to handle. One decent sized container. Leave door open, sign above door , “Labia recruiting office apply within”, when container is full shut door and drop in ocean.

  • Axe, Machete, Super sharp kitchen knife, High Powered slingshot.

    I’d save any ammo for the scabbing humans.
    (Take note Dogg)

    • Molon Labe

      Useful advice, but just in case the slingshot is now quite as reassuring when a dozen of ‘the living dead’ turn up……?!?

      TOOLS: .22 rimfire upper for you’re AR Platform would be a lightweight zombie dispatcher.
      GLASS: Amipoint, plus BUIS (never rely on batteries)
      AMMO: CCI Velocitor, 40 grain gilded hollow point nose at 1435 ft/sec – good to 75 metres.
      TRAINING: Mozambique Drill, etc.

      Remember the rules:


      2.The Double Tap

      3.Beware of Bathrooms

      4.Wear Seat Belts

      5.No Attachments

      6.The “Skillet”

      7.Travel Light

      8.Get a Kick Ass Partner

      9.With your Bare Hands

      10.Don’t Swing Low

      11.Use Your Foot

      12.Bounty Paper Towels

      13.Shake it Off

      14.Always carry a change of underwear

      15.Bowling Ball

      16.Opportunity Knocks

      17.Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)

      18.Limber Up

      19.Break it Up

      20.It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint

      21.Avoid Strip Clubs

      22.When in doubt Know your way out


      24.Use your thumbs

      25.Shoot First

      26.A little sun screen never hurt anybody


      28.Double-Knot your Shoes

      29.The Buddy System

      30.Pack your stain stick

      31.Check the back seat

      32.Enjoy the little things

      33.Swiss army Knife

  • MrAuz1989

    For a large number of Zombies in a confined space, a Pancor Jackhammer.
    Pistol, I’d go retro with a Webley Mk 5 0.441.
    Melee, I’d go with a Mace.

    • Molon Labe

      30 seconds, I spray, they blown away!

  • chris73

    .22LR semi-auto rifle with suppressor: quiet, accurate and can carry a boat load of ammo
    .22LR pistol with suppressor: as above and ammo interchangable
    Pump action 20 gauge shot gun: someone smaller than me may have to use it
    Machete (or cane knife): multiple uses

    • Molon Labe

      LOL and true. Current Zombie thinking states ‘they’ are attracted to noise so a suppressor would be a Zombie dispatching game changer! Just remember the training: El Presidente for double tap and Mozambique Drill just to be sure!