Cunliffe to announce KiwiTie

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Further to my earlier post about David Cunliffe’s tie, a reader from Runanga emails a press release purportedly from the Labour party.

David Cunliffe today announced KiwiTie, a plan that would introduce a single government tie-producer, making a single design of tie.

‘Allowing foreign-owned tie makers to make extortionate profits at the expense of hard-working middle-income families is just another example of National’s failed neo-liberal free-market crony-capitalist policies.

‘A national single tie producer would fix the gap between the haves and the have nots – in this case people who get ties at Christmas and those that get beer at Christmas.’

Mr Cunliffe described the policy as ‘yet another example of how the Labour party is addressing the real issues of concern to hard-working New Zealanders.’ 

The design of the new tie has been tested by Mr Cunliffe, who has been wearing the same tie for the last 3 months.

The design is mostly red, but with a blue streak down the middle.

‘Just like the Labour party.

Mr Cunliffe explained that the idea had come about because, after NZPower, a buyback of privatised SOEs, KiwiBuild and KiwiAssure, there were still areas in which a Labour government would not be involved in people’s lives.

‘And obviously a Labour government couldn’t let that happen.  After all that nationalisation, deciding what people could wear was the next natural step.’

When questioned about the way in which the policy would limit people’s freedom of choice, the Mr Cunliffe stated, ‘Choice and freedom are not words you hear a lot at Labour party meetings.’

 


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  • ozbob68

    Chortle

    • Sooty

      As long as you tuck it in your undies.

  • CheesyEarWax

    I suspect it comes in 50% male, 50% female versions?

    • Agent BallSack

      They were going to but just like the Labour Party they couldnt tell them apart.

    • middleagedwhiteguy

      I see how that would work. I have done some internet research and and googled 50% male and 50% female Thais.

      Got some interesting hits and can see how these would also fill multiple electorate quotas…..

      • SJ00

        Nice!

      • Agent BallSack

        Hope that was an image search on government work time. Just fitting in with your unionised colleagues after all.

      • Ebullient2012

        lol

  • Random66

    Very funny and well written.

  • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

    I understand the factory could be either in Palmerston North or Levin and will be opened by Republic of New Zealand’s first president She Beast…..

    • rrroberto

      No its going to be in Shannon, and the factory is already there, ready to start spinning the day after next years election

      • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

        Oh yes, they could even make leather ties….

        • rrroberto

          No, the next plan is to nationalize the next Kiwi icon, the humble pie. After the stunning success of KiwiTie, KiwiPie is being rolled out so that the blokes at Avondale Market can have the same Kai as the greasy fullas in Parnell . There will however be a premium version of KiwiPie available in Herne Bay.

          • Toryboy

            Yes they want to “preserve a Kiwi icon” which is socialist code for “we do not want a Multinational corporation owned by Jews getting the profits” – so Georgie Pie will be Nationalised and renamed ‘KiwiPie’

          • disqus_Aa7kWsb7Fp

            They’re going to slap wheels on it and call it carpie

        • James Growley

          Why not the Kiwi Kondom, made out of recycled inner tubes and can be used a thousand times. Just the ticket for miserable bastards like Len Brown and the lunatic Greens.

          • rrroberto

            The Frenchies have already got naming rights for that product

  • blokeintakapuna

    Ironic too that when the public was asked which political party had the most credibility, with choices of:

    – Mana
    – Mcgillicuddy serious party
    – Greens
    – Labour
    The result was a 4-way tie…

    • Toryboy

      HAHAHAHA!! good one!

    • Bunswalla

      All with 0% I take it. The actual count was
      – Not sure(42%)
      – Don’t know (37%)
      – Don’t care (20%)
      – What? (1%)

  • Doug

    He is also creating invent a Politician it’s the Labour way.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:WikiProject_New_Zealand/politics/New_MPs/Poto_Williams

    Poto Williams (born 1961/1962) is a Member of Parliament for the New Zealand Labour Party who was first
    elected in the 2013 Christchurch East by-election.

    Prior to her election to Parliament, Williams was the regional manager of
    the St John of God Hauroa Trust.[1]
    She resigned from that role during the election campaign so that she could
    focus “110%” on the election.[2]
    Prior to her election as the Labour candidate for the by-election, she was
    virtually unknown.[2]

    She resides in New Brighton[1]
    and only moved into the electorate in January 2013.[2]

    • Dick Brown

      “110%”

      Vintage Labour; always promising the impossible.

      • john Doe

        and delivering a potato.

    • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

      See guys even Wikipedia knows Potato Williams is sleep walking to victory,,,,

    • Toryboy

      As I asked in an earlier post – why are they fudging when she was born? you must know the year! so was it 1961 or 62? and why the fudging? what is she hiding?

      What else is she lying about?

      I am very concerned that someone who may be an MP in 26 days is unable to tell the truth about something so basic.

      • dyannt

        Like Cunliffe, she is just keeping her options open.

      • benniedawg

        Now come on you must know that if you want to propagate a root vegetable, in this case a potato, or labour spelling a poto, you put a donor in the ground. Maybe they put the seed poto in the ground 1961 and didn’t dig till summer of 62. Actually when I look at her photo she bears a remarkable resemblance to a potato tuber. Just made looking forward to this years crop on new spuds a little less appealing.

    • SJ00

      Christ so they are predicting the future now? KiwiFuture? “We will tell you who has won and save you the effort of having to think or vote for yourself”.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christchurch_East_by-election,_2013

      I bet this page was created by a Labourite as well. 2 lines for the National candidate most of which is talking about his chances of winning are poor. No photos of other candiates either. Fuck off Labour, keep your bullshit out of pages like this.
      In fact are there any Wiki Editors amongst the army? Can someone please correct this bullshit now, not that anyone really checks or cares, but its still crap.

      • dyannt

        I thought anyone could be a Wiki Editor. Go and see if you can correct any mistakes that you find.

    • Bob Murphy

      Have they had the by-election already?

      • Bad__Cat

        No, but the socialist policy is “Vote early, Vote often” so they have already counted the votes. Result:
        Poto (Labour) 110%
        Everyone Else 3.2%

  • Bob Murphy

    A yellow stripe down the middle would be more fitting for something from the Labour Party.

    • steve and monique

      and Teflon coated,so the bullshit dont stick

  • Whafe

    For me, all that comes to mind when I think of a Labour KiwiTie is a rope noose…
    May sound morbod, but these idiots are all set to put a noose around this necks of the people of this country…
    Be scared, so very scared NZ

  • thor42

    Great! That is *exactly* like the kind of stuff that Cunners releases!
    Filled with “earnestness” – cue the square-jawed patriotic socialist workers, sledgehammers carried on muscular shoulders, striding towards the right of a poster.

  • Ebullient2012

    Very funny. I think the Civilian will be sorry it missed this scoop.

  • Mr Sackunkrak

    Why stop there. Labour should be appalled at the price of new cars. KiwiCars. Of the people, by the people, for the people.

    • Raquel Blackburn

      Just like Hitler and the Volkswagen – so Cunners wouldn’t be constantly taking Labour further left – he’ll get some ideas from the right as well.

    • johnbronkhorst

      I asked that question re “affordable housing” why not “affordable Rolls Royces” it only FAIR/ fare now isn’t it….(clown reference)

    • James Growley

      Been there, done that – remember the Trekka?

      • bristol

        How about the Trabant? I’m sure Cunners, with his old commie contacts, would know exactly where to source the original plans so as they could be assembled here. Labour’s affordable people mover could even double up for affordable housing, as and when New Zealand goes bust.

        • rrroberto

          Cunners is just securing a deal with the Greens, giving Russel Norman the Finance portfolio in return for exhaust emission exemptions for the Trabbie 2 stroke. Will probably set up production line at the back end of the tie factory in Shannon,next to the Pie Shed. New name proposal, subject to quota correct committee, is “Kiwiwagen.” ,(No Godwin card please). Common or promotional name will be Kiwagen, can not be purchased by foreigners, and unfortunately does not have the requisite HP to get up the hill at Coxes Bay, so Curryleaf himself cant, unfortunately have one. Will come in any colour you want, so long as its Brown. Blends with the KiwiPie, makes the Kiwitie stand out, and merges with the Mayoral image.

          • James Growley

            Might pay to think of something else……The Trabbant has become a must have for collectors in some places and a cult classic in others.

          • Mr Sackunkrak

            Even good ones do 0 to 100 in fifteen minutes. Len would be green with envy.

  • James Stephenson

    No doubt silk will be promised and one of those nylon pre-tied, with loop of elastic, jobs will be supplied.

  • Pete

    This policy will really show Key amd his rich tie making mates overseas.
    Well done Cunny

  • steve and monique

    Hahaha. Kiwiundies next, complete with birth control. A picture of Helen Clark on the front.

  • johnbronkhorst

    Would appear the tie has disappeared into his pants.
    Safety pinned to his nappy?
    Speech notes stapled to the end?
    Buttoned to trousers to remember not to drop them, like len brown?
    Some male inadequacy thing, similar to owning a big car?
    Made long so as to make his ever growing nose look shorter? (pinochio reference)

    • island time

      Exactly my thoughts!!! Looks like it is tucked in….

    • steve and monique

      He is modelling the “Len Brown model”. Long enough to wipe and keep on the go.

      • johnbronkhorst

        Compensation owing, for putting me off my dinner.

        • steve and monique

          Sorry mate.

  • Karl

    Will KiwiTie produce lefthanded as well as righthanded ties? It is time that we had a tie maker who didn’t discriminate against the sinister.

  • Bryan

    sounds more like yugoslavia under that C joker amazing what comes under the letter C

  • cows4me

    What that damn fool cunny needs is a cable tie, pulled up real tight.

    • Bryan

      lol

  • paddles83

    What a pearler and from a coaster as well where the Liabor Party was born
    Give that reader 15 out 10

  • john Doe

    Should tie one end to his eyelid and one end to his ‘old fella” then every time he winks he wanks and every time he wanks he winks.

  • mark14

    when you control what ties people wear,soon you control what they think

  • steve and monique

    Why doesn’t silent T bring out a range of red G Strings for all the other “stuck up arseholes” in his circle of wanky mates?

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