One of the major reasons why Marriage Equality was necessary

I supported marriage equality mainly because it was right but also because I believed that everyone deserves a mother in law.

It simply wasn’t fair for heterosexuals to bear the burden alone.

The Telegraph has a handy check list for those happy gay couples thinking of tying the knot in order to identify what type of Mother in Law they will be enjoying for the foreseeable future after their nuptials.

My favourites are:

3 – The Apologist

She’ll ring in the middle of children’s teatime, when baby is choking on lumps and his brother is painting his own name in mashed potato on the French doors. “Is this a bad time?” she simpers. “I know what it’s like”. “It’s OK,” you spit out, catching a glob of shepherd’s pie in your free hand. You wonder if she didn’t start out like that, whether it might not occur to you to feel annoyed. She tiptoes around you like a gopher in a bear cave, apologising for her own existence, until you can’t help but snap.

“Oh dear”, she sighs, with the dying breath of the little match girl striking her last flame. “It seems I’ve overstayed my welcome.” 

4 – The Equivocator

You will never get a straight answer from her; no matter how hard you try, no matter how many times you ask the same question and no matter what question you ask. She puts a spin on everything, applying creativity to fact with the verve of a Renaissance painter. Remember when she took Mikey for a trial session at day care and he screamed so much he choked on his own mucus?

“He absolutely loved it, once he’d got going,” was the version you got.

You understand that she’s trying to make your life easier but every now and again, you want to grab her by the shoulders and yell: “SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!”

5 – The Snob

She’s the only person you know who uses your house name ‘Little Brympton’ in place of a number, even though you live in a two-bedroom semi in Dorking. Her wedding present was a copy of Debrett’s Etiquette and Modern Manners, with key sections flagged up in post-it notes: “Good manners are the most visible manifestation of civilisation”. What on earth prompted you to tell her about being sick in the fountain at Bluewater, on your hen night? You are not the sort of girl who appears in Country Life snuggling Hungarian Vizslas in her cleavage and sucking on a cake pop. You are greens to her vegetables. It was never meant to be.

7 – The Steamroller

“You have to let a house breeeathe!” She marches through the rooms like she’s flushing out smokers at break time. “Those poor boys, there’s no air in here. It’s a wonder they don’t die in their sleep.” It’s -4 degrees outside – you wait until she’s in the loo and whip round and shut all the windows. She’ll inspect your washing basket, hooking out the greying bras like a factor sorter on quality control and correct your ironing: “Not like that – turn the pockets out first! Centre the inseams!”

It’s all you can do to stop yourself cranking up the temperature and slamming it into her imperious, know-all face. Instead, you take it out on the steam button and lose her in a cloud of water vapour.

9 – The Reluctant Grandma

She rolls her eyes when you ask her to babysit. Everything is too much trouble. She’s done her bit. She had two much children and she didn’t much like raising them – she’s not about to start all over again with yours. She only just about tolerates your eldest daughter – but that’s only because she will sit through an episode of Countryfile without complaining. To the rest of your children, she’s about as interesting as the Queen Anne chair in the living room that can’t be climbed on.

I can’t seem to find one for my Mother in law though. (She reads the blog so better to be safe than sorry)


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

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