It might be a parody, then again who knows…

Scott Yorke has a post that purports to be a statement from David Cunliffe.

I think it is supposed to be satire but it seems like a completely plausible statement from Cunliffe.

I got into politics because I wanted to make a difference. That’s why I’ve been talking to hardworking Kiwis all around the country, listening to what they have to say. The message I’m hearing again and again is that John Key’s government just isn’t listening. Our Prime Minister is totally out of touch.

If there’s one issue that comes up time and time again, it’s the state of our transport infrastructure. Kiwis have had a gutsful of being stuck in traffic. A Labour government will invest heavily in public transport, but we also won’t be afraid to make bold changes to our road rules.

Motorists tell us they’re fed up with being stuck behind heavy trucks who show no consideration for others on the road. That’s why we’re announcing that under a Labour government trucks won’t be allowed to travel in the fast lanes of three and four lane highways. Our policy will keep traffic moving, and reduce congestion on the roads.

But we’re not stopping there. People also tell us that they can’t stand it when they’re merging in traffic, and when some clown in a souped-up car tries to push ahead of everyone else. We’ll make sure everyone merging in traffic follows the rules. 

Yeah and that part is real…except maybe for the merging bit…though that really does annoy me…I think they might be onto something there.

I’ve been travelling up and down this country talking to people, and I hear a lot of complaints. People are fed up. People have had enough. They’re at their wits’ end. They want to know why it is that when their neighbour’s car alarm goes off at three in the morning for the fourth night in a row, the police lack the power to confiscate the vehicle. We’ll fix that.

It simply isn’t good enough for this government to throw up its hands and say “not our problem” every time you go to open a tin of baked beans, only to find that the tin opener fails to cut the last bit, and then you have to get a spoon or a knife to twist the lid up, and then you have to wiggle the lid until it breaks off.

It’s not good enough for John Key and his rich mates to say “we’re not responsible” when you buy a carton of Anchor vanilla custard from the supermarket, take it home, and then open the carton at the top to pour the contents out, only to find that the custard is too thick to come out. Where’s the support for hardworking Kiwis forced to use a pair of scissors to cut the top of the carton off? Who’s looking after ordinary mums and dads forced to scoop the custard out with a spoon?

Yes! Finally someone cares about the issue of non-pourable custard. I’ve been telling Judith to do something about this for years. I sent a text to JK the other day on the precisely the same issue.

I also want bans of people stopping to chat right in the middle of doors at shopping centres, and the order takers at McDonalds always trying to upsize my order.


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