Do you know who your true friends are?

Cam and I are very lucky. When you go through a major crisis or two or three as we have you find out without a doubt who your true friends are. We are currently facing yet again some stuff that puts us under stress but our true friends are at our side supporting us through it.


Hard times will reveal true friends. Now isn’t that the truth? I know you’re all shaking your heads in unison.

We all know what happens: a divorce, death, illness, job loss occurs, and the friends we imagined would be by our side are nowhere to be found. The friends we didn’t suspect would be by our side are staring back at us with warm smiles.

This article is for those of you who are going through the inner turmoil of how to handle what you perceive as a loss of friends. I want to share with you some perspective-changing thoughts that will differently about this perception. If you can separate your friends into “Lifestyle Friends” versus “True Blue Friends,” your world is going to change!

Lifestyle Friends

There has to be a genuine perspective shift for you to embrace this concept. If you can do it, though, you’re going to feel so much happier!

Those friends that you imagined would come to your aid but didn’t are now your “lifestyle friends” (pssst… they always were but you didn’t know it). What does this mean? It means they were friends with you for your lifestyle and really enjoyed your company. You need to realize this and not only change your perspective, but change your expectations of them. Realize that these friends of yours are actually a ton of fun, and if you recover from whatever life crisis you’re experiencing, they’ll most likely be the first ones who will invite you to visit, go on vacation, get together for dinner, etc.

Instead of being angry, be grateful that you have fun lifestyle friends to do lighthearted activities with! We should all be so lucky. Holding grudges against these “friends” is only going to do you harm, because these people will never be what you need them to be. They were never those people to begin with. Once you realize this, you’ll see that you put unrealistic expectations on friends who were incapable of delivering what you needed.

I found the above very helpful as when a lifestyle friend was not there for me when I needed her, I wanted to dump her for good. I had been there for her during some difficult times in her life and so I was gutted when it was not reciprocated. After reading this however I realise that she can still be part of my life, I just need to adjust my expectations and be guarded in what I choose to share with her about my life.

True Blue Friends

You may never know who your true friends are until life throws you an unwelcome curveball. When this happens and the friends or family you thought would help carry you through don’t, you go through stages of grief. It’s devastating. As time passes, you can either be resentful, bitter and heartbroken, or you can be so incredibly thankful that you’ve learned a valuable life lesson.

I encourage you to do the latter. The people who DO step forward to be by your side are your true friends. You’re blessed to find out who these people are, so love them up. Some people will never have this luxury; they’ll spend their entire lives surrounded by people who aren’t their true friends. Be grateful and cherish your true blue friends, and put your effort into these relationships now.

Cam and I both have some amazing true friends. We found out who they were when we lost everything financially and also through out Cam’s depression. They are still at our side now and we are both blessed to have such amazing people in our lives. These are people we can trust. People who do not judge us. In return they have our total loyalty and we return the favour by being trust worthy and non judgmental when they need us. I am almost glad that all the bad things that happened to us happened as we would have never otherwise have been clear on who the most important people in our lives are.

Having gone through my own health crisis in 2010, I went through all of the stages of grief related to losing friends and seeing who was by my side through the struggle. I was devastated that the friends I thought would come to my aid didn’t. For my own wellbeing, I started to follow through with this concept of “True Friends vs. Lifestyle Friends.” Initially, it was a coping mechanism for me, but eventually I started to realize it was actually much more. Once I was able to make a full mental and heart shift in the way I viewed my friendships, I experienced appreciation for all my friends! I now feel absolute love and joy for all of them. There’s no hidden resentment or underlying sadness. I feel blessed that I have learned this life lesson.

My true blue friends come first in my life, and we cherish one another. I also love my lifestyle friends, because as I heal, I love having a wider circle of friends who will go to Cubs games, have dinner, or go for a workout.

Consider changing your perspective about how you view your friends during and after a time of loss. If you follow my lead, I can promise that you’ll banish an abundance of pent-up stress from your life!

– Kelly O’Brien


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