Australia, the first ever nation to win a Darwin award?

Well one columnist in Australia thinks they should win a Darwin Award for being dumber than a sack of hammers.

I’M THINKING of setting up a national version of the Darwin Awards; you know, where they give an award to the stupidest way people manage to kill themselves each year, or, as the website puts it, “contribute to human evolution by self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool via death or sterilisation by their own actions”.

When I say “national”, I mean it literally – my Darwin Awards aren’t for people, they’re for nations. I’m going to hand out an annual prize for the dumbest, most imbecilic country on the planet that is setting out to destroy its own comfortable way of life via its own moronic actions.

I’m going to find the one nation that’s doing the equivalent of putting its head out of the train window to see if there’s a tunnel approaching.

And right now, Australia looks like being the 2014 National Darwin Award winner. Why? Because we are among the most collectively stupid people on the planet. Just look at the statistics – or rather, the opinion polls.

Apparently, a majority of us think Bill Shorten would be a better prime minister of our country than Tony Abbott.

Let me run that past you again – slowly this time, really slowly, because it’s obvious there are some pretty slow people out there: a … majority … (in other words, enough voters to win an election) … think … (i.e. have apparently used what passes for their brains and come to this conclusion) … that Bill Shorten … (a bloke who is so empty-headed he once said: “I don’t know what Julia Gillard said, but I agree with every word of it”) … would be a better prime minister … (in other words, be making every single decision every single day for three years that will determine the prosperity and financial success of every one of us and all our children) … than Tony Abbott (a bloke who, regardless of whether you like him or not, has as his sole focus a single-minded determination to fix the economic mess that this country is in).

Come again? Are we for real?

The best Darwin Awards always have a neat slice of bitter irony to them; like the guy who tries to impress his fiancee by climbing on to her balcony – on the 101st floor.

The irony with our National Darwin winner – Australia – is that the very bloke Australians want as their next prime minister was part of the team that got us into our financial mess in the first place.

Worse, Shorten is either so dumb or so devious that he is now opposing the very same $5 billion worth of cuts to spending that he supported when he was in government.

It seems Australians are addicted to union corruption, dodgy politicians, and massive locked in socialist spending despite a collapsing economy.

Let’s remind ourselves: when John Howard was booted out, he left about 20 billion bucks in the till. Nice one.

Within a matter of months, Rudd and Swan blew the lot. Then, having got a taste for spending our money, Labor started splashing out billions more that didn’t actually exist, so they borrowed it. And never paid it back.

Bill Shorten, when he wasn’t busy knifing one leader to replace him with another, then knifing that one and replacing her with the first one (clearly a man of strong convictions and sound decision-making skills), sat at the big table and happily splurged our cash. And we want to put him in charge of cleaning up our finances? Darwin Award for Category A Stupidity – tick!

But to win a Darwin you’ve got to actively seek to make your entire situation worse. With Bill in the Lodge, every people smuggler from here to Timbuktu would be punching the air, scrubbing the barnacles off their boats and getting ready for payday as the floodgates opened again.

But the reason Australia is a shoo-in for this year’s National Darwin is because a Shorten prime ministership would help extinguish our current way of economic life virtually overnight.

With Labor back in charge of our money – fuelled by the barely functioning intelligent life form known as the Greens and those guardians of greed the unions – our economy would nosedive into Euro-style stagnation and high unemployment faster than a Euro bullet train. Already in Victoria, only a week after the Libs lost, union thugs are shutting down businesses.

How stupid are we as a nation that we’re not even prepared to pay a tiny amount (the cost of two cups of coffee, or a Happy meal) to visit the doc? Even the Kiwis figured out that a decent healthcare system costs dosh.

How thick are we that we think everybody can go to uni for free? (Who’s supposed to pay for all those computers, teachers, buildings, labs etc that allows students to graduate and get rich? You.)

What sort of dopes are we that we’re prepared to sit back quietly while more than half the population takes more money from the Government in handouts and entitlements than it gives? (I know I’m thick, but even I can do the maths on that one.)

Anybody who thinks Shorten, Plibersek and Bowen would do a better job than Abbott, Morrison, Hockey and Bishop has rocks in their head.

Quite. it seems Australians have the memory capacity of a gnat.


– Courier Mail


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  • louie

    Yesterday I might have argued against Australia getting this award , but then I read this :

  • El Diablo

    Aussies are definitely stupid but the National Darwin award simply has to go to Sweden:

    • KiwiKaffir


  • cows4me

    Australia has been the lucky country for so long it’s residents have come to believe their own myth. Times get hard and the first thing they can think of doing to fix things is to have a blast of the pass and get some retarded fool to hand out cash they don’t have. Australia has always believed they have an eternal summer and have lived like grasshoppers, winter is coming for them.

  • burns_well_eh

    A bit of a stretch to say that the Prime Minister makes “every single decision, every single day for three years that will determine the prosperity and financial success of every one of us and all our children” but I take his point. Shorten is a Grade A numpty.

  • Admiral_Moorer_believed

    “Australia looks like being the 2014 National Darwin Award winner. Why? Because we are among the most collectively stupid people on the planet.”?

    I thought Cam was a kiwi. . .

    Or does he just put his name on top of articles that others have written?

    Getting paid for that Cam?

    • ex-JAFA

      The intro might contain a link to the source story, credited at the bottom and indicated as a quotation within the body of the post. WO probably only claims authorship of his own comments.

    • Hoju

      Please pay attention Admiral Moron – it’s quite clearly not Cam’s dialogue.

    • Cowgirl

      You can tell when something is being quoted from another source – it’s indented with quotation marks. Cam is just providing the other commentary between paragraphs.

    • nervus

      Cam is a Fijian.

    • JAFA Gazza

      You will have noted Cam’s intro. If you had have read the entire article, you would have seen that Cam attributed the source to the Courier Mail. He interjects at points in his own words to make his views known.

      And ANYONE who reads this blog is very aware that Cam was born in Fiji, Sigatoka I believe.

      Now is a good time to get off your high horse.

    • Dumrse

      Your trolling is becoming obvious. You should pop back to the Standard.

  • BlitzkriegNZ

    When do they get a chance to vote? I’d hope it is soon, that way they’ll have plenty of time to do so much damage that in 2017, National will only need a one word campaign slogan… Australia.

  • Odd Ball

    The media in OZ is about as credible as it is in NZ, I read their major papers for entertainment value on a regular basis.

  • peterwn

    Seems Rob Muldoon had it right then – he considered Kiwis emigrating to Australia raised the average IQ of both nations.

  • M C Chinaman

    No. This bloke obviously doesn’t see New Zealanders as particularly bright.

  • dale

    And in Perth we have a state government that has borrowed tens of millions hoping that the iron ore price will average$120 per tonne. Now it’s around$70 a ton. And they are a Liberal government. Just lucky I make coffins for a living. Probably the only recession proof job left for now.

  • Kiwibabe

    Ah but Labor are for us the people and we are all one happy group of equals sharing in everything. Worked in all the other socialist countries past and present, yeah right.