Did David Parkers have sex with a goat and did the goat enjoy it?



Some interesting news has come in on the tipline about a little known politician called David Parkers.

The tipsters says he heard from a friend who knows a farmer who says that his goats have been ‘bothered’ by this David Parkers and I think that this is a pretty serious allegation that warrants further investigation by the Police.

I can’t prove it, it is hearsay, but I think it needs to be out there for everyone to know, just in case there is something that should be investigated.

A neighbouring farmer said to another person who emailed the tipline that there was no evidence of goat sex from either David Parkers or anyone else. Apparently rectal bleeding is normal in young goats.  

Police have yet to confirm whether or not there is an outbreak of goat sex but are asking for more evidence…and the tipster can’t provide it.

Still I think that news media and radio hosts need to talk about the goat sex, whether or not David Parkers has partaken in goat sex and indeed whether or not the goat enjoyed it.

However there is substantial evidence that this goat sex behaviour is endemic amongst people who steal their best mates wife after they’ve had a stroke and are no longer in a position to pound the crap out of them for the awful deed.

Police must investigate, surely, please.

Surely this is all just a diversion from a more serious crime such as goat rustling or the procurement of young goats for the purposes of sexual pleasure amongst politicians.

Media should immediately ask for clarification from David Parkers on his alleged involvement in a goat sex ring, whether or not he has partaken in goat sex and seek comment from the goat as whether or not it was consensual goat sex.


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  • LabTested

    Rolling on the floor LMAO

  • axeman

    Brilliant !!!!

  • Precisely. Unsubstantiated allegations are easy to make, and when the standard of “proof” is so low, almost impossible to refute. It’d be a bit like asking Parkers “Do you still beat your wife?”

    I suspect David Parker is going to live to regret making this particularly insidious smear attack, and that pay-back will be sweet for those who were smeared and arguably defamed.

    • His answer to the wife beating question would be “No, I left her for a stroke victim’s wife, who couldn’t fight back”

  • cows4me

    What do you call a Labour politician with six goats? A pimp.

  • Grizz30

    You clearly need thick skin to make unsubstantiated allegations.

    • Justsayn

      The point is, who is “you”?

  • Justsayn

    If I saw David Parkers molesting a goat I would intervene regardless of personal risk or whether the goat seems to be enjoying it. Unlike a talking horse, a goat is not able to provide informed consent, even if it is sober. If something like this was proven to have occurred it would be a very serious issue. I do hope that those that take this sort of thing serious are taking this as seriously as they ought to.

    Btw: The goat at the top reminds me of the fake tan dentist guy on the current series of Amazing Race – scary eyes.

    • metalnwood

      I would normally want to intervene as well but one would need to weigh up the fact that his attention is on the goat and not you.

  • mike

    Is this a written application to become leader of the labor party. Had all the hallmarks: petty and childish.

    Sorry Cam I don’t think this piece is up to your usual standard. It’s playing down to their level which demeans you and this site.

    • Justsayn

      It is also a clear (and successful in my view) attempt to make a point with sarcastic humor.

      • mike

        A bit too Larry Flynt is you ask me.

    • Mike – it replicates a long running political war story involving former US President Lyndon Baines Johnson, who is alleged to have accused a political opponent of being a “pig-f****r” without any evidence whatsoever. on the basis that the more the smear was repeated, the harder it would be to deny.


      I think WO has made a very effective point that Parker’s speech yesterday trod on very shaky ground, and had he made the allegations outside the House they would have been defamatory. Mr Parker needs to put up or shut up, then apologise.

      • mike

        Effectiveness is relative… it will be considered effective to his supporters. To everyone else it will serve only to support the view of those who cast Cam as a thug and villain.

        I am not in the second camp by the way. I enjoy reading WO, especially since they had the clean up and introduced the new rules.

        • I have put Cam in a straight jacket over the last two years. But I have to stop short where I remove “the essence” that makes Cam, Cam.

          • mike

            I understand, and I respect both yours and Cams position… I was just voicing an opinion… it may be contrary or considered dissent… but that’s the great thing about this site (pay attention journos) you allow and encourage alternative views so long as it is done in a respectful and intelligent manner.

            Well that’s my bit, so I think we can leave it there and agree to disagree. As always Pete please keep up the good work, and congrats on the win the other night!

          • Dave

            I have the upmost respect for Cam, and have been following WO for many years. What is one to do when people keep up cowardly attacks, and do so from inside the house, and repeat it as alledged etc outside the house. Cam has merely done exactly what Parker has done, there is little differnece, and he has done it to prove a point. Parker will no doubt be fuming, GOOD. If he thinks about it he should realise the entire joke is not about a rumoured liasion with a Goat, but about his own stupidity and corwardly actions. I have no doubt, if he was to withdraw and apologise, NZ would think the better of him, and this would be at an end. Labour and their various vehicles via a compliant and stupid media attack Cam for one reason – Popularity! Go Cam and WO.

        • spanishbride

          They paint him that way despite the NEW improved WO. They ignore the changes and use photos of him from years ago and keep bringing up the Feral headline in order to keep him in that box. They cannot afford to acknowledge his success, power,influence or the changes he has made and they never will. He might as well have fun with it.

          • mike

            However by responding in kind he is being the person they say he is… Not the person he actually is.

          • Mrs_R

            Nope, this is the person he actually is. You know the type, he’s the sort that just swats away those pesky lies that are told about him on a daily basis, and he laughs in the face of those who try to hurt him professionally or personally. He can take it. What he doesn’t accept is when others blatantly lie about his friends, and Cactus Kate is one of them. So he does what any good friend would, he calls them out on it and mocks their foolishness and deceit.

    • You’re missing the point. But that’s ok.

      • mike

        No I understand that this is meant to show up Parker and his idiocy in making unsubstantiated accusations… but honestly Pete I don’t see it as being part of the vision of the “new and improved” Whale Oil.

        Obviously that’s just my humble opinion and as this is Cam’s site he’s able to do whatever he likes… but I think there are better ways to deal with Parker other than sinking to his level. One would be as I suggested the other day; use your connections and give the other media a real juicy story on Parker… something you have tucked away and have evidence of.

        • Give the media what? They are all too scared to pick up anything from here lest they be branded in cahoots. They really have cut their noses, etc.

          • mike

            Anonymous tip? I can only assume that you have something juicy on Parker which has been substantiated by at least one source… maybe not good enough for WO to publish, but since the other media seems able to publish a story as fact with very little fact checking, one source is better than most of what they publish.

            Use a ‘burner’ email address and send what you have to some of the better Journos and let them run with it. Sure you won’t get the credit… but you will get the satisfaction.

          • spanishbride

            Nah, this is VERY satisfying and even better it is funny. It shows his smears up for the unsubstantiated rubbish that they are while entertaining our readers at the same time. Politicians hate being mocked, this is the best punishment we can give him for his cowardly lies.

          • mike

            Like effectiveness humor is also subjective.

          • IKIDUNOT

            What I worry about is whether the goat consented or not!

          • kehua

            It is not worth bleating about so no charges will be layed.

        • Really? Better ways? I can’t sue him…he said it in parliament…so all that is left is mockery.

    • Charlie

      The difference is that this is just obviously humorous satire, while Parkers outbursts in parliament are deliberate slanderous character assassination and outright lies.

  • Curly1952

    Brilliant!! Was this David Parkers actually having sex with the goat or was he acting the goat?

    • Good questions…perhaps the Police should ask..very serious.

    • richard.b

      In related news, David Parker and Andrew Little were both arrested last night. Mr Parker was arrested for allegedly having sex with a
      goat. Mr Little was arrested for acting the goat.

      • Dave

        In bad news, Police released Andrew Little as he kept bleating “Dont you know who I am, im andrew little”. Police realised he was not acting the goat, it was normal behaviour for him.

  • Alloytoo

    Think of the kids people, think of the kids.

  • Kelvinmyhero

    Goat: What are you doing David?
    DP: Taking privileges.

  • cows4me

    David Parkers takes his goat to the movies.
    “are you enjoying the movie” asks David
    “yes” replies the goat
    “whys that” asks David
    “well,I enjoyed the book” replies the goat.

  • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

    Please also add the line that it is all John Key’s fault. Otherwise this doesn’t look authentic…..

  • Citizen

    Is this why they are tacitly supporting Islam?

    • metalnwood

      One goat per family?

      • Citizen

        Nope but its reasonably well known that in Islamic countries where access to women is impossible for young men, the predilection is for goats….to satisfy certain urges of a carnal nature. And since Labour and the Greens aren’t keen on stopping people joining iSIS or of being able to check up on suspects, one has to assume that they are afraid themselves of being caught with a goat…(without a warrant of course)

  • caochladh

    Did the goat receive consideration by way of cash or goods for these favours and if so, did the goat declare these as assessable income for the purposes of taxation.

  • Wine Man

    This is serious stuff, is Wussell aware of this? What is the Greens position on this? Do the Greens and Labour believe that equal opportunity should be enforced and Sheep included in any future antics?

    Finally will we now see this David Parkers grow a Goatee?

    • Mad Captain

      The Greens position would have to be rear entry, just too hard to get on top of anything.

  • bart jackson

    The Green Parties interspecies affairs spokes person Kothryn Delahanky said that discrimination on the basis of sexual preference is a breach of both parties basic species rights. She has said she will be making a complaint to the species rights commissioner and has demanded the government fund the setting up of a support network for those of trans-species orientation.

  • Lets think of the goat’s welfare and keep this on the qt, we wouldn’t want NZ’s ISIS supporters hearing of this, the poor goat would need to go in hiding or at least wear a burqa.

    • Teletubby

      I’m sure the goat will get name suppression, fortunately it’s too late for Parkers because our courts would probably give him name suppression to, in order to protect the goat from being identified of course.

    • Goldfish

      Maybe no burqa is required, you’re assuming the goat was a female?

      • Bizarrely I must have! If there’s a goat involved it hardly matters.

  • Day Day

    Parkers is like a bad version of Bill Rowling.

  • nudgy

    I believe Parkers in respect of this transaction is liable for CGT(Capital Goat Tax).

  • Mine it,Drill it,Sell it.

    I can not believe the timing of this story as I was at the pub last night and a local farmer was telling a story about a group of four people travelling around the country for 4 weeks last month.As the story goes they all stayed on hobby farms so they all could play with the animals,apparently they had names like Angry,Hooter,Grunter and Davey.After dark Grunter would dress up as a goat and the person who scored the most points became the leader of the pack.

  • john Doe

    Apparently having sex with a goat in Peru is quite normal. Perhaps this is what Socialists do?

    • Dave

      And there you go, a few questions for the lazy press gallery to ask Porter:

      1) Did either you or the goat travel to Peru together at the taxpayers’
      expense, or at your own expense, or have you hired, borrowed or acquired a goat (or goats, or a herd of nannies) in Peru or any neighbouring country?

      2) Has Grant Robertson been advising you on corner properties with
      “2 letterboxes” in a hilly suburb with a large gorse covered section??

      3) Do you have any Goats on the payroll in your, or any other labour offices?

      4) Have you had any discussions lately with the Labour shadow
      Agricultural minister regarding Goats, animal husbandry or breeding programs for any production or non-productive animals?

      These are but questions Grant, in the same vein you cowardly put things outside the house. The one thing i depsise more than a lying politician, is one who cannot and will not back up what they say in the house. Put up or shut up and withdraw, dont sit on the goats fence.

      • Timboh

        Ah, I think you were referring to the goats horn as in the ancient Greek proverb “tis better to sit on a goat’s horn than be in labour” . Of course they were referring to a woman’s labour then but I guess that means her job to the labour party.

  • Timboh

    takes me back to “wayne’s world”

  • Timboh

    I know Labour are always trying to increase the nanny state but I had no idea it went this far. I kid you not


      How can one not agree with that?

  • Champagneshane

    Priceless!…..laughed so much it actually hurt in the stomach… Everyone at work crowded around to see what the fuss was about.. More sore stomachs…. Done wonders for corporate bonding around here and gained WO at least 5 new devotees…i’m certain this post will go viral . It will be interesting to see that page stats in a couple of days

  • Eiselmann

    Well I heard from a mate who’s wife sister knows someone who knows both David Parkers and the goat…that the goat subsequently changed its mind and has seen a lawyer after the act was filmed , she is apparently embarrassed that she was also with another unnamed MP who was little in every sense of the word.

  • richard.b

    I wonder will any reporter ask Mr Parker today “Are there any truth in the rumours you have had sexual relations with a goat?”
    I wait with baited breath. Love to see it on the news tonight.

  • Michael

    The Greens warned us this was bound to happen with the unfeta’d access to our livestock through the free trade agreements. Too late to bleat about it now,

  • Karma

    Just wondering, is Russell Norman part goat? It would explain his constant bleating.

  • fergus

    “Did David Parkers have sex with a goat and did the goat enjoy it?”
    There would be nothing unusual in that…….him being the biggest GOAT in parliament at the moment.

  • lautrec

    Its worse than you stated,A bloke down the pubs, mates,friend,witnessed him shafting A Little kid? the police must get involved

  • Mechanical Gear

    Well those damn socialists try and screw everyone and everything with their loony policies so no real surprises if they take their mission in life literally.

  • Tony Norriss

    The fact we can’t prove that Parkers didn’t have sex with a goat is compelling evidence that he did!!

    • Abjv

      Under the “Landside Andy” rules for proving consent, so true.

  • Dave

    One could also add stories like.

    I have studied human behaviour all my adult life, in the school of hard knocks and at university. It never ceases to amaze me, that after a dispicable event such as the rumour raised above, a person in a similar position to the David Parkers bloke could lead to them seeking relations and companionship in the company of a defensless animal.

    Thinking through this, it is obvious that David Parkers has had a lot of rejection to deal with lately, he misssed out to a short angry man for the leadership, a man unlike David P who didnt even win a seat, that is a terrible blow to David P, and the ongoing pressure on him to succeed given his position in society and media profile is immense. Then his previous failures at the hands of society and his failed CGT, which was torn to shreds could be likely to pushed him to the company of a goat…….. etc etc.

    We can all point a finger, we can all analyse a situation, and then the media can repeat and repeat a story until it becomes believable…………

  • Yeahright

    I think this is all lies… We farmed goats, even they would not stoop that low, it must of been a sheep!

    • Albert Lane

      After all, who would want to interfere with a nanny?

  • goat

    Its always the kids that suffer…

  • Clutch Cargo

    Sure he wasn’t acting the goat??

  • steve and monique

    I wonder if it was a Little goat, that was violated by Parkers.

  • Wheninrome

    Was it a kid, what is the age of consent for a goat, we have already had one pedo murdering scum, this must be got to the “bottom” of.
    Enough said, although one could go on and on.

    • kehua

      More likely his best mates Nanny.

  • Bert Piepoint

    Q: “David, how do you find a goat in the long grass”?
    A: ” Delightful”

  • Kopua Cowboy

    Slowly it began to occur to Mr Parkers that his wife must have meant the babysitter when she made her suggestion to spice up their marriage

  • Wheninrome

    And we mustn’t cast aspersions on the habits of some of our middle eastern friends, what are ISIS promising “virgins” or “kids”, as a reward in paradise. Or are virgins and kids one and the same thing. This is all getting a bit murky.

  • Huia

    Has the goat admitted to texting journalists?
    Surely he wouldn’t be such a Silly Billy to do that.

  • unitedtribes

    It wasn’t the goat so much that attracted David it as the stud in its tongue

  • Kevin

    And of course when he denies it that’s proof he did it.

  • Goldfish

    I can state quite categorically that while I did not witness David Parkers having goat sex, I know that the goat did not enjoy it because David Parkers moans too much and talks about himself the whole time.

    I’ve also heard from a cuzzie’s friend that the goat is not interested in another visit. He finds sexual encounters with left wingers to be too one sided – while they promise much they never care for his feelings or deliver on the promised satisfaction.

  • Purely Functional

    This may be a simple case of mistaken identity – allegedly an aptly named David Porker insists that he simply has a keen interest in ascertaining if there is any truth in the commonly held notion that “sausages come from pigs”

  • kehua

    Just another card carrying vegan member of safe by the sound of it. Not that common but always very loud and never truthful.

  • Effluent
  • Media Steriliser

    if it was bleating a lot, like goats do, then it could’ve in fact been russell norman

  • PhantomsDoc

    I seem to remember some specific noises being made around Len Brown for a while. I wonder what would happen if there just happened to be bleating at any public event DP attended as an MP…

  • Like the party touring around NZ, found a farmer alongside the road putting one up a sheep. “Hey mate”, said the tourist, “back home we shear our sheep”. The farmer shouted back “I’m not sharing this sheep with anyone!”