Minor Losers, Ctd – Clayton Cosgrove


Clayton Cosgrove’s career is all but over, even if he hasn’t realised it yet.

Despite a lifetime of trying to emulate Mike Moore he has succeeded only as matching his girth.

He got out muscled for the nomination in Christchurch East, then Christchurch Central, then he managed to lose in Waimakariri.   

And he lost relatively badly firstly to Kate Wilkinson and then to an inept National candidate, Matt Doocey.

All this despite de-branding from labour during the campaign.

Word from Labour sources in Christchurch is that Cosgrove has already been sniffing around the safe Labour seat of Christchurch Central, but he has had his ample arse kicked by the factional organisers in Christchurch so he knows he won’t win the nomination there.

Cosgrove was so much on the outer with the new leadership he was unranked, and sources inside Labour’s caucus say that there is no way in hell he will ever be a minister again because he will not be able to muster the votes in caucus to win a place in the cabinet.

So Cosgrove is a minor loser on multiple grounds, and he really should be considering his future.

Not only that his plugs are starting to fade out again.

Perhaps he can give Phillip Smith a call, he’s not using his hair-piece anymore.


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  • MrBarrington

    Another one with tits for hands??

  • Whafe

    Indeed a loser of the highest degree, please enlighten me with something constructive that has added to the betterment of NZ etc from Clayton Cosgrove?
    Great series these Team Whaleoil, loving these reminders of just how many losers there are on the left, no doubt there are some on the right, but the left for sure out numbers the right…..

  • Reid

    Cosgrove long ago reached his political peak but because he’s so unpleasant he knows he couldn’t possibly get a better deal anywhere than by staying in politics. Thus demonstrating once again to the long suffering taxpayer yet another politician who claims he’s in it only to serve us, but when the crunch comes and it’s apparent he’s not capable of adding any value whatsoever anywhere, his true nature outs itself and he clings on for dear life, as if the most important person in this equation wasn’t us, it’s him.

  • The2Game

    Labour’s big problem this current term will be to persuade the no-hopers, the has-beens (call them what you will) in their line-up that the public REGARD them as no-hopers, has-beens (call them what you will)…

    The likes of (takes deep breath because its a lengthy list) Goff, Shearer, Cunliffe, King, Dyson, Robertson, Mahuta, Mallard, O’Connor and, of course, Cosgrove…

    And, remember, to win Government, Labour would likely need the support of the Red Greens (and both Wuss and Clotheshorse are pretty much past-it, too) or New Zealand First (with that bright up-and-comer Winston Peters, ha)…

    • Sooty

      How about #The Never Was#!


    Will Crosgrove still be looking for a seat in 2023 because it may take until that time for CHCH Central to look even remotely like a Labour prospect

    • kiwibattler

      Talking of CHCH central – Nicky Wagner was one of the big winners this year – even the National party wrote off her chances of retaining the seat after the boundaries were redrawn in Labour’s favour. On the flip-side of that Labour’s Tony Milne was another minor loser by not beating Wagner when all was in his favour (he actually dropped the Labour vote there, both party & electorate).

      • Nirvana10

        It was no wonder Tony Milne lost in Christchurch Central. Another wimpy, geeky member of the Labour Rainbow brigade- on his campaign posters it looked as though the top button on his shirt was done up, for heaven’s sake!
        Along with other big time losers such as Kelly Ellis in Whangarei I am sure that little Angry Andy will be sending out the message loud and macho that he wants fewer of the alternative lifestylers on Labour selection lists. It’ll be bye bye to Tony and Kelly and hello to more of the union blokes and blokesses!

      • Stuarts.burgers

        This time last year we, Nicky’s Team, put in one hell of a lot of work to convince the Election Commission that they had it wrong.
        We managed to turn it from -600 to +600 on paper when the final boundaries were released, but a 2000+ majority whas realy icing on the cake.

  • Warren Murray

    And yet he came back as one of the Labour list MPs, a very rare species in this term. How can he be so strongly disliked and yet have been so high on the list?