Steve Braunias on Kim Dotcom

MONDAY
Me and my entourage arrived at the Auckland District Court this morning for another chapter in the book thrown at me by the combined forces of the American government, the FBI, the CIA, the Pentagon, Hollywood, and my nemesis, John Key, who will not rest until he sees me in jail, but I will not rest until I see him in hell, so neither of us are getting much rest at the moment.

It was the usual scene. I have one man to open the car door and another man to close it. But he closed it before I got out of the car, so we had to get the first man back again so he could open the door.

We made a few calls. No one could find him. I never had this problem when I lived in Hong Kong. What is it with New Zealanders?

I phoned my lawyer, Ron Mansfield.

He said, “I can see you. I’m in front of the court.”

I told him, “Well, why are you just standing there? Can’t you see I’m trapped in a machine?”

He said, “Yes, indeed, what you’re going through is a terrible abuse of your civil liberties and my team will stop at nothing to invoice you.”

I told him, “Just get the door.”

By the time I got to the courtroom, the judge decided I wasn’t a flight risk.

For Tuesday to Thursday, pop over to his column.

FRIDAY
Home alone. You just can’t get a good entourage these days.

I walked around the house, and looked at the tropical fish. I walked to the upstairs balcony, and looked at the giraffe sculpture. But I still felt lonely.

I walked downstairs, and sat in the pool.

I couldn’t get out. I knew I should have taken off the ornate set of armour.

I reached for my phone. I was about to call for help when a text arrived. It was from a blocked number. It read, “Lol u look stuck m8 hahahaha.” I hacked into it, and phoned the number. A voice said, “JK here. That you, Cam?”

That just shows you that  it’s satire.

If it was real, it would have said:  “John here. That you, Mr Slater?”

 

– NZ Herald


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

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