Tough guy ISIS jihadists crying to mummy because their iPod batteries went dead

The ISIS thugs aren’t so tough, now they are moaning to mummy back home about the cold, flat iPod batteries and their inability to fight.

They’re French of course.

Letters from French jihadists home to their parents have revealed the misery, boredom and fear suffered by Islamist recruits as the gloss fades from their big adventure.

In a series of letters seen by Le Figaro newspaper, some of the 376 French currently fighting in Syria have begged for advice on how to return. Others have complained that, rather than participating in a noble battle, they have been acting as jihadi dogsbodies.

“I’ve basically done nothing except hand out clothes and food,” wrote one, who wants to return from Aleppo. “I also help clean weapons and transport dead bodies from the front. Winter’s arrived here. It’s begun to get really hard.”

Another writes: “I’m fed up. They make me do the washing up.”

One Frenchman whinged that he wanted to come home because he was missing the comforts of life in France.

“I’m fed up. My iPod doesn’t work any more here. I have to come back.”  

A third wrote fearfully: “They want to send me to the front, but I don’t know how to fight.”

Others were concerned, more prosaically, about the nationality of their baby, which was born in Syria and so not recognised by the French state.

And Le Figaro said that, among Islamist commanders, it had been noticed that some of the French were beginning to want to leave. One Frenchman was rumoured to have been beheaded when he explained to the emir that he wanted to follow his friend who had already left.

“Everyone knows that, the longer these people stay there, the worse it will be because having watched or committed attrocities, they become ticking time bombs,” said one lawyer, quoted in Le Figaro.

“But, when it comes to having a discussion about whether France is ready to accept repentants, no politician is willing to take the risk. Imagine if one of these ex-jihadis is involved subsequently in an attack?”

Can anyone else see what Ic an see…it seems the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey affliction can be passed on, even to Islamic immigrants.

The only thing good that the French have done is teach these guys how to march backwards at the first sign of trouble.

I winder if they will start recruiting Argies next?


– the Telegraph


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  • jcpry

    Shades of the Spanish Civil war where the much lauded International Brigades were treated as cannon fodder and were not allowed to leave. Many were shot for “desertion”.
    Tough luck guys you chose the plenty of virgins route.

    • Albert Root

      Re the virgins: once the 75 virgins demanded NOW become used stock, do the jihadists have to put up with 75 wives for infinity? Seems the impetuous Gen-Y jihadi yoof also lack foresight.

      • Curious

        I had always wondered that too.

      • Wallace Westland

        To say nothing of the fact that why would anyone in their right mind want 75 virgins anyway?….oh…wait…lemme see…to get to paradise strap 10kg of C4 to your butt and pull this cord…I’d like to retract the right mind question….NEXT

  • Bombastic

    So much for adventure jihardism, they’ve discovered ISIS don’t play nicely and want to go home. I have read of mass beheadings of foreign fighters attempting to desert (I wont provide a link because the site is too grizzly). I wonder what’s become of our own passport burning jihardist?

  • Miguel

    I’m impressed that despite all the brouhaha going on, the post still works! That’s quite a civil service, still getting things done despite the troubles.

    • That is a very good postal service, somebody should employ them to fix ours.

  • GMAK

    To be truely French. They should now orginise a protest and block the motorways with their tractors. Hang on, no motorways, no tractors, no complient unions or left wing politicians to protect them. That is grim for a Frenchman

  • HunuaRanger

    Les Français sont des lâches, comment surprenant?

    • Citizen

      et toi? Moi je cross bien que si nous recontrent dans use alley un peu sombre, que en va trouser, que c’est toi le lache, nest pas patasse!

      • HunuaRanger

        I’m not going to start a flame-war but your french is atrocious.

        I suggest you learn how to speak it before replying in it.
        Online translation does not make you fluent.

        • Citizen

          C’est n’gait pas dune translation google ou quoi que soit. Je parle Francais courament, en effet il ya quelque errors d’orthographie la dedans a cause d’autocorrect. Je suis un ancient legionnaire, j’habiter a Paris en ce moment. et je repete, c’est toi la lache. et “comment suppressant” ne pas Francais non plus. Petasse

          Edit: autocorrect.

  • Kip_Dynamite

    a fast moving piece of lead to the cranium should solve their problems. Hopefully they’ll get one real soon.

  • Pete

    A few 3 round bursts from an MP5 will take all their jihaddy blues away…

    up to paradise you go Johnny Abdul french man

  • Captain Darling

    These nancy’s need a serious dose of military discipline. Give me six hours on the parade ground with them, and I’ll sort them out.

  • Kevin

    Seen on eBay: One French rifle. Dropped once, never used.

    • Citizen

      I’m pretty sure that if we met down a dark alley way and you were on the wrong side it’d be you dropping something and running away.

  • James M

    Kill 50 infidels and you are rewarded in the afterlife with 13 virgins.

    Wash cloths and clean weapons for ISIS and you’re rewarded with a 3 time divorced middle aged woman with an overgrowth of hair in the public region in the afterlife… But at least your iPod works

    • andrew carrot

      Sounds like a pyramid scheme

  • Timboh

    From any media this story is an opinion, however common sense tells me it’s true. Long way from the riots of Paris to a front row seat at the latest depravity and having to clean up afterwards. Why wouldn’t they want to retreat to France?

  • Bart67

    The Foreign Legion would be embarrassed!

  • Eiselmann

    Wait these guys are complaining that its not fair that they miss out on killing women and children…

    • OneTrack

      Maybe it will be their turn when they get back to France.

  • Wheninrome

    Perhaps ISIS can provide a service for the west, get rid of our dissidents, they are not true believers just looking for fame in their less than wonderful existence at home. Perhaps we should thank ISIS for putting them out of their misery with false promises in the after life.

    • The Last Crusade

      Lets do away with our insane Messianics, our Crusaders at the same time.

      Each time the Crusaders set forward to Jerusalem, they would have harbored the thought that their messiah was coming back, and that they would see him in their very lifetimes.

      There is no Messiah coming folks. What do you need a Messiah for anyway? Kiss it all better?

  • Nebman

    I think the phrase Cheese eating Surrender Monkeys has been used previously. Now we know why! !

  • Citizen

    wow! Lots of anti French sentiments here. Most of the comments are hardly factual nor accurate. If a Somali Kiwi went to fight for ISIS he’d be described as a Kiwi wouldn’t he? If he wanted to come home after washing dishes for several months, he’d be described as a Kiwi cry baby would he not. So lets look at who these “French” are then. Because they aren’t French. As for the French being cowards…so not factual, so not accurate!

  • la la land

    My heart goes out to these children and their families – they are young and dumb and didn’t have the foggiest clue what they were getting involved in…