Whaleoil’s Christmas Cracker “Winners are Grinners” tip

via The Guardian

via The Guardian

I can’t promise you riches.

But I can promise you an unfair share of the silly hats and useless plastic toys.

Bonus:  the research was paid for by the Australian tax payer!

Want to make sure you get the paper hat, joke and gift when you pull crackers this Christmas?

Just take a firm hold and let the other person pull, scientists say.

The technique gives you better than a nine out of ten success rate.

How do we  know?  

The researchers from the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation in Australia looked at two other methods. 

The ‘angle’ strategy – a firm two-handed grip, tilting the cracker between 20 and 55 degrees downwards and applying a steady force with no torque – had the worst result with a success rate of just 40 per cent.

And the ‘control’ strategy – where both participants pull at no particular angle, but roughly parallel to the floor – resulted in a near random 53 per cent success rate.

So don’t do those.   Instead, do this:

But the so-called ‘passive aggressive’ method won a huge 92 per cent of the time, the journal Significance reports.

So, just take a firm grip, and let the other person give it all they’ve got.   Nine of ten times, you’ll take home the spoils.

Only on Whaleoil will you get such life (and wealth!) enhancing tips.

– Mail Online

 


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • Gaynor

    Trouble is that everyone in our house heard me reading this out. Christmas day will be spent holding the end of a cracker …waiting…..waiting

    • Wallace Westland

      OMG…I spat vodka all over the screen. laffin laffin laffin

  • Platinum Fox

    I have found that identifying where the percussion strip is and grasping it firmly ‘twixt thumb and forefinger provides results.

  • LabTested

    What do they do in Green Party households where they believe in ‘equality of outcomes’ ?

    • caochladh

      Russell comes along with the scissors and cuts them in half.

      • Isherman

        Or for ‘him and her’ couples, he would demand co-crackers, that have two paper hats inside.

        • sheppy

          I wonder if his would have a pointless toy that makes an annoying whiney sound all the time whilst achieving absolutely nothing at all

          • Isherman

            Quite probably, but then how would you fit a copy of Dirty Politics in a Xmas cracker?

          • sheppy

            They could produce a verified facts version, that’d fit in fine

          • caochladh

            Get the SIS to put it on a micro-dot.

      • Wallace Westland

        And prints two more off the split.

  • JJ

    I wouldn’t believe a word of it – CSIRO sponsor the Conversation that first published the piece on climate change panned a few posts back.

    You’ll probably also find that 97% of scientists agree that you win this way and they all believe in Santa.

  • Wallace Westland

    Typical….. Corporate Christmas Crackers..I knew there was a rort here..I’m taking this up with Andrew Little..obviously the proletariat are once more being exploited by their Capitalist masters with all the crowns going to the ones that don’t do the pulling and the rings bells and whistles of no effort as the final prize whilst once more the down trodden beneficiary gets to read the worn out joke!

    Enough we say!!!! ENOUGH.

    (Get another vodka Wal and hush…hehehehe!)

27%