Whoopsy wrong house, 5 thugs get smashed up by the guy who killed Osama bin Laden after they broke into his house

This story is from a satire site, it isn’t real, but wouldn’t it be awesome if it was real.


Five thugs are in hospital after breaking into Rob O’Neill’s house seeking his neighbour.

Who is Rob O’Neill…an ex-SEAL Team Six member who took down Osama bin Laden giving him a third eye.

The really did pick the wrong house.

Robert O’Neill, the former United States Navy SEAL who shot and killed Osama Bin Laden, had his home mistakenly invaded by members of a street gang this morning shortly after 1AM. O’Neill was uninjured, the five intruders all suffered injuries and remain hospitalized, but are expected to make a full recovery. Their names were not released in anticipation of the oncoming media storm.

Butte Police Commissioner Bartholomew S. Harrington told members of the Associated Press in a brief press conference that the five men, part of a local street gang connected with the infamous Crips, were seeking to collect on a drug debt and invaded the wrong house, with the intended target just so happening to be the next door neighbor of O’Neill’s.

“Mr. O’Neill had just turned in for the night, but was awoken by a loud crash when his backdoor was abruptly kicked in. As the five thugs ran aimlessly through the home, Mr. O’Neill used silent hand-to-hand combat tactics to individually disarm them of their weapons.  Once Mr. O’Neill had taken down the five men and secured his home, he brewed a pot of coffee and called the police station. Those boys sure did find the wrong house!” commissioner Harrington said as he chuckled.

O’Neill had little to say on the matter whenButte Daily Times journalist Kevin Williamson interviewed the celebrated war hero.

“It was nothing really. Those kids didn’t have their mission planned out properly and hit the wrong target. I hated to break their wrists and dislocate each of their knees like I did, but it was necessary in order to immobilize the invasion. I hope they get the money that is owed to them once they get out of jail and decide to live better lives. My main concern is getting my back door fixed. Those boys really did a number on the door jamb,” O’Neill stated.

Teehee, broken wrists and dislocated knees.

I wonder what would have happened here though…chances are some lefty crim-hugger would have started an Twatter campaign to have O’Neill arrested for GBH.


– Empire News


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  • Bart67

    Cool story, however it is now being widely circulated on the net that this is a fake. Empire News is a parody news site. However, given the quality of most New Zealand Journalists, I can understand the confusion!

  • Pete

    “Chances are some lefty crim-hugger would have started an Twatter campaign to have O’Neill arrested for GBH.”

    …give it time.!

  • steve and monique

    Well that did not go as planned for those five mongrels.

  • Cadwallader

    At the time I loved the joke:”What has more brains than Osama Bin Laden?” Answer: “The wall immediately behind him!”

  • Karma strikes in a timely fashion for once. Go Karma!
    Excellent outcome. Great news. Still laughing here…

    Here in NZ, the vet would probably be subjected to numerous calls of “excessive force” no doubt by the likes of Goof and co…

    I think the guy showed considerable restraint only breaking wrists and dislocating knees.

  • Andru

    There was a similar story quite a few years ago on One Tree Hill. A bunch of thugs picked on a man and a woman in a car. The thugs ended up in hospital because the man was some kind of black belt.

  • Spiker

    As always if its too good to be true it usually is.

    • Cadwallader

      I know I agree, then again Christmas is a time for giving and reading this “report” gave me a rush!

  • HSV325

    Epic!! You can tell it’s not true as once they 3-4 remaing scum had realised a couple had been taken it they would have done a runner

  • All_on_Red

    I like the one about the guy who when his house was invaded by two thugs they put him in the closet. The problem with that was the closet was where his gun safe was….
    One died and the other was found bleeding on the street.

  • LesleyNZ

    Fabulous stuff to read. Justice was served.