Killer Cows: two failed missions

Killer cows

To the untrained eye, these are mere accidents, but to someone like me, who keeps an eye on the deadly cow uprising, two stories in two days is a clear sign that the Bovine Jihad is starting its upswing.

Hawke’s Bay farmer Gary Quinn takes little pleasure knowing the cattle beast that broke both his legs will soon be a steak on a plate somewhere in America.

In 48 years of dealing with cattle he has suffered his share of knocks and bruises, but never a broken bone.

Speaking from his bed in Hawke’s Bay Hospital yesterday, the 63-year-old said the 600kg cow that kicked him on Friday was a 2-year-old Charolais-Angus cross who had not meant him any harm, but had been “spooked” by another cow.

About 9.30am on Friday, Quinn and wife Raewynne were in cattleyards beside the Tukituki River near Haumoana, drafting their “usually quiet” herd.

“We’d let them go into a pen and this one decided she was going to go with them. I was just turning her back when a little black one shot through on the inside of her and pushed her into me.

“As she got pushed she no doubt got a fright and she just kicked out with both back legs,” he said.

“She got me right in the hip on the left side. It threw me about two metres, I suppose. I think I might have landed on a rock, because I broke my hip on the other side.

“I’ve been kicked lots of times over the years. I normally get up and dust off with a bit of a bruise. When I got up this time, my leg gave way,” he said.

Good to know the cow is being dealt with through the death penalty.  It is essential this chills the general uprising.

Here is the 2nd failed mission:

A cow might find himself at the freezing works tonight after tipping his owner into a drain, then jumping in after her.

The incident happened this afternoon on a Berquist Rd farm in Ohaupo, Waikato.

Cambridge senior station officer Richie Gerrand said the woman and her husband had been herding cows when one made a dash for the drain.

“She was trying to shoo it back and it actually ended up tipping her into the drain and then the cow fell on top of her.”

Gerrand said it took 30 minutes to rescue the woman from the one-metre-deep drain.

They didn’t believe me when I said Kim Dotcom was no good, and see how that turned out.   Time will tell I was right about Killer Cows too.


– NZ Farmer, Dominion Post

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.