Ok Fatty here’s the deal


Kim Dotcom: ( whiny German accent ) Sooo did you see my tweet is there a deal?

Government Official: ( in deep Darth Vader voice ) Listen Kim, here’s the deal……Get on a plane and leave.

KDC : But that was never a condition of our arrangement.

GO: I have altered the deal, pray I don’t alter it any further.

KDC This deal is getting worse all the time.

GO: Further more, I wish you to wear this orange jumpsuit.

KDC: That was never a condition of our arrangement, this deal is getting worse all the time.

GO: I have altered the deal, pray I don’t alter it any further.

KDC: Man this deal is getting worse all the time.

GO: Here is a Trabant, you must drive it where ever you go

KDC: What? I’m not driving a F*ckin Trabant!

GO: I have altered the deal, pray that I do not alter it any further.

KDC: Man this deal is getting worse all the time.

GO: Also you are to wear these clown shoes ( hands him clown shoes ) and refer to yourself as Hilda the Hippo.

KDC: F U Man I’m not doing it! ( throws clown shoes away )

GO: I have altered the deal, pray I do not alter it any further.

KDC: This deal… This deal ( looks around nervously ) is very fair and I am happy to be a part of it. I will tweet my acceptance immediately

-inspiration Robot Chicken



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  • Pluto

    OK Fatty here’s the deal.
    We’ll let you take your playthings with you (Bradbury, Minto, Harre, Fisher, Wussel et al)

    • Don’t toy with me like that.

    • Reaper

      You forgot Hone. He can go too.

  • Pete

    What an idiot ,com is, “negotiate my surrender” who does he think he is, some kind of freedom fighter..hounded by the big bad USA…he’s a crook, and a rip off merchant who needs to be in jail.

    • Gaynor

      Could he be a small island?

      • Cadwallader

        Good thinking! He could become an independent nation then and take the Green Party as its first legislative assembly. They won’t like the presidential Benz though.

  • williamabong

    Just go you fat crook, you’ve become a pimple on the bum of this nation.

    • conwaycaptain

      A schankre on the arsehole of humanity is the term!!!

      • williamabong

        Sorry Captain the new me doesn’t use naughty words.

  • Wallace Westland

    I’m trying to work out what this idiot means by negotiate? Negotiate what? He’s being extradited to stand trial in the US. There is no negotiation. And no surrender. Surrender implies he has an option to continue fighting…hahaha good luck with that!

    And in what way has he been wronged?
    He was granted residency in OUR country conditional on being a fit and proper person to live here. Which he is not.
    He then attempted to hijack OUR elections, not his own countries, OURS.

    Sooner he gets on that plane the better. And he can take his good for nothing wannabe ex wife with him.
    We have enough low rent women of our own already sauntering around making a living like a hyena on the battered corpse’s of ex husbands fame we don’t need any more.

    I see Sally didn’t actually remarry too just while I’m on the subject. Another Herald Faux Pas.

  • Iera

    You have wronged me so much. It is the least you can do.

    The raid was apparently legal. More than can be said for the “Warners” email.
    But perhaps Kim could be met half-way – only send him as far as Hawaii.

    • Crookednose

      Nah, I say we meet literally half way. Except we go by plane, they go by ship…

    • Cowgirl

      Hawaii is too nice a destination, he would enjoy it too much.

      • Isherman

        He wouldn’t be there long enough to enjoy it methinks.

  • intelligentes candida diva

    The statement that irks me is “You have wronged me so much….” ggrr where to start…
    NZ albeit foolishly but in good faith allowed you in and it was who wronged NZ with your flaunting of your mostly ill gotten money to upset our elections but that didn’t work out for you.

    We might be a small nation at the ends of the earth KDC but we got a fighting spirit and don’t suffer lightly being played for a fool.

    NZers are not all easily bought.

    What did you contribute of substance to NZ …Nothing!!!

    Now run along with GO and be a good boy..

  • InnerCityDweller

    That tweet is proof positive that Germans do in fact have a sense of humour.

  • Kevin

    What a sociopath. It seriously wouldn’t surprise me if after the extradition order is made he tries to bump himself off.

    • mommadog

      I would be surprised and wouldn’t wish that outcome on his kids. He will however continue to find ways to get media attention but with his extreme narcissism he thinks he is too important for the world not to have him in it.

    • Rod

      Wishful thinking? But that would save others problems and expense, so most unlikely, I think.

  • MrBarrington

    There is much treasure to be had in Robot Chicken!! The sooner the corpulent Kraut is pushed off a short plank into very deep water the better for everyone….

  • Rex

    Wussell will be sad! Lost his flag and now,is,he losing his friend!

  • HSV325

    What is he actually looking at in prison time if convicted? 2 years, 10 years?

    • Crookednose

      I’ve seen 17+ yrs being bandied about…

  • Murray Smith

    But do they make jumpsuits that large ?

  • jim

    This tweet from KDC really infuriated me and it was all I could do to not message him and tell him what a fool he is. After so much disruption he has caused to this country and the millions wasted on fighting his lies and deception hes now expecting help? While I have no doubt the NZ government will do what they can within the law and human rights, it will never be enough for him. NZ did so much for him to allow him in and he wronged NZ. He wronged the people of NZ and continues to do so, yet he wants our support.

    His staged breakdown of XBox and PS servers on Christmas hit the news overseas, but his name didn’t. Only in tech blogs and they talked about him bowing down to ‘terrorists’ but he never got the recognition he would have expected. What he didn’t count on was the arrogance of the Lizard Squad and their bragging on the hactivist communities. The way things are bubbling up at present, evidence will soon arise to show he bought the attack.

    As for his current charges of allowing illegal copies of movies to be hosted on MegaUpload, well, the same is happening on Mega and again he is doing squat about it. Again his hacker mates are posting links (even via Twitter) to movies on Mega and again he does nothing about it. Cue additional charges and the shutdown of Mega in the near future.

    Sorry – having a rant. This mans arrogant behaviour annoys me. It impacts so many people when all he can think about is himself.

    • Crookednose

      I’m surprised that the pimping of his ‘new Internet coming soon’ toward the end of the xbox/ps4 hack wasn’t looked at.
      The whole thing seemed to be a public relations event for KDC to come in as a white knight and then highlight his great new thing that wouldn’t allow a hack of that nature to happen again.
      Everything about his involvement was ‘sus’.

    • niggly

      Well said Jim. Another reason why his tweet annoyed me as well is that he should have tried to “work” with the Govt when he was first arrested in the first place to ensure a fair outcome and to protect his interests (family and wealth etc).

      Instead he used the last three years to both undermine and overtly attack the Govt and it’s support party (Act) and spent millions of dollars doing so including hijacking a general election (which then simply caused many one time sympathetic NZer’s and the MSM to start disliking him).

      His judgement is so appalling and now he belatedly realises he needs to “work” with Govt. Why should they listen to him now considering what he has done to “smash” them? His should have directed his energies at Hollywood rather than the NZ Govt (who had nothing to do with the charges being brought against him).

  • Wheninrome

    Hackers are Hi Tech Terrorists. Jail when caught with no access to computers. They can and do hold the world to ransom.
    DC has acknowledged that he is a “Hacker” end of story.
    Computers are supposed to help/ enhance life for mankind, these individuals use them for power to the detriment of everyday people going about the lawful business.

  • Wheninrome

    “Fair terms for his surrender” fair as he sees it, fair as we see it, or, best of all, Fair as the USA sees it.

  • KGB

    Our ridiculous pc justice system has been extremely ‘fair’ considering how long this has been dragged on.

  • Watcher

    On your structurally reinforced bike fatso.
    I will be at the airport to two fingered wave you off.
    You are wrecker and don’t deserve any negotiation re terms of surrender, whatsoever.

  • tinfoilhatguy

    Black is white and white is black it seems. In fact it’s the people of NZ who have been wronged ‘so much’ by this manipulative, self serving, lying criminal. NZ has in fact been very gracious and accommodating of this guy, his tantrums and his poor behaviour.

    Every action and comment is about himself, but his narcissism prevents him from seeing it for what it is.

    Edit for grammar.

  • edee

    Sorry Kimmy, while you have been here you have crapped on your escutcheon far too many times. Ta-ta.

  • Toothbrush76

    Yesterday I suggested no terms are necessary – just go.
    Today I have terms and a plan of action –
    1. Extradition confirmed.
    2. Pay all income taxes and GST, FBT, PAYE, etc. In other words a complete discharge from NZ IRD.

    3. Revoke citizenship.
    4. Hand over to US authorities.
    5. Don’t come back under any circumstances.

    • Wheninrome

      He could apply for some GST refund on new purchases as he left, a small bonus for him. Of course he is broke, so that won’t work for him.

    • Cowgirl

      He doesn’t have citizenship thankfully, and his permanent residence was fraudulently obtained. They could rightly eject him now I believe, but I think they don’t want to cause any more ripples, but just make sure that when it’s done, it stays done. No ifs or buts.

  • Michael

    Some simple advice to Kim Dotccm, on hwwow to avoid his legal problems. (Caution, language) http://youtu.be/lbOtyWTRZ_g

  • LesleyNZ

    Spoken like a true narcissist.

  • Markus Aurelius

    He needs his head checked if he thinks the people or govt of NZ wronged him. We’ve very graciously put up with him for years now and hopefully not for much longer. Whats the bet this big internet warriors defence once he gets to the US will be to try and throw his co-defendants under the bus and weasel himself out of as much jail time as possible.


    You have to give it to the BIG man….he does know what buttons to push to upset many new zealanders…

  • Albert Root

    The death sentence option is not available in the US for the crimes FatCon’s alleged to have committed, therefore no humanitarian issue for the NZ government to consider. The major difference between here and there: life means 30-99 years in the US, often without any chance of parole. If the Fed Court agrees with the prosecution that Dot and his mates committed hundreds of millions of dollars of harm to US companies, expect the sentencing justice to consult the “Bernie Madoff Sentencing Precedent Guide”, which is available from all good book shops and libraries.

  • Cadwallader

    I think we ought to all acknowledge KDC’s lasting legacy of exquisitely portraying certain leftie notables for the money hungry hypocrites they are! For that we owe him a farewell bottle of schnapps at the very least. What will happen to Mona? Surely there’s someone in the Press Gallery who will marry her? Damn; Soper has a squeeze.

  • Tom

    Why oh why do you keep giving this guy free press.

    • spanishbride

      because it is a slow news week ;)

  • Canucktoo

    Get the fat kraut out of NZ asap