How thick are Labour?

Andrew Little has fed a story to their embedded gallery journalist Vernon Small about the requirements for a new chief press secretary.

Expect to see Labour leader Andrew Little in a good light on the 6pm television news – or questions to be asked at the top of his media unit.

Little is advertising for a new chief press secretary to head the party’s media and communications strategy, and the successful applicant is expected to ensure Little appears “in a positive story on the 6pm news at least twice a week”.

Other key targets put emphasis on social media, including 100,000 “likes” for the party’s Facebook page, up from about 38,000 now, and 40,000 “likes” for Little’s Facebook page by the 2017 election. It currently boasts 10,422 “likes”.

Little’s new spin doctor will also be expected to increase Labour’s email contact list to 200,000 by the 2017 general election, from about 87,000 now.

How dumb is that?

This just shows that Labour has learned nothing from the past 6 years. For two elections now they have touted their fantastic ground game, their dominance of social media and even rolled in David Talbot to advise them on this stuff…all to no avail and with results the reverse of what was predicted. How he could even bill Labour for such a losing strategy is beyond me.

What these chumps have not realised is that Facebook likes does NOT equal votes. Slacktivism or Clicktivism is called that for a reason…useless big talking internet warriors who don’t translate the click of their mouse into actions on the ground.   

This shows Labour is stuck focussing on process…they are trying to do the wrong things better, and the results will be that they get better at being and doing the wrong things.

The advertisement has already prompted senior press gallery reporters to plot creative ways to thwart another expected result – weekly meetings with key press gallery journalists.

Little’s chief of staff, Matt McCarten, said the targets were guidelines and the reference to the 6pm news was a “throwaway comment” designed to show the aim was to be proactive, not just reactive, in the news.

A source said the Facebook page was fed by the parliamentary party as well as the party’s head office, so setting targets for the new media boss, who will report to McCarten but is employed by Parliamentary Service, did not breach Parliament’s funding rules.

The expected numbers were guidelines of “what success would look like” and not hard and fast targets, the source said.

Matt McCarten won’t last the year. He simply won’t survive the push back from Dirty Politics that is coming.

No matter how hard Labour tries to talk up the big picture they are still focused on rolling a turd in glitter and trying to tell the public and the media that it is actually a chocolate log covered in sprinkles…no matter how you dress it up or how much glitter you use Labour and its leader are still a smelly old turd.

The worst aspect of all this lovely spin is that Labour are shamelessly advertising for a taxpayer funded parliamentary position where key indicators are to enhance the Labour party and their woeful social media activities.

If they want to do that then they should pay for it out of their own pocket not the taxpayers.

I bet they are also planning on hitting Dirty Politics hard again this year as well…because you know it worked so well last year for them.


– Fairfax



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  • Salacious Crumb

    I’m really looking forward to the “pushback from Dirty Politics”. I really hope you are understating it at this stage Cam because I for one would like to see some serious bloodletting.

  • In Vino Veritas

    This stuff should surprise no one. After all, the Labour Party has had a review of its disastrous election result and its causes. And the review panel was filled with people as risibly inept as Bryan Gould. Repeating the same mistakes will be par for the course for this lot.

    • Dave

      There is a solution IVV, and the person to fix all their woes is ready to take the challenge having just ruined his last political party. If they were to have a strategic and political genius advise them and they could actually listen, then there is hope. So, Angry Andy should call his commie mate 2 names Bradbury and get him to advise them. Just for good measure to complete the trifecta of fools, they could add Pam Squawkery to let the world know exactly what labour really think. Now she really knows how to make a point on camera.

      • In Vino Veritas

        You’ve forgotten the mercenary Odo look-a-like, Harre.

        • Dave

          Very true, my apologies. However, as stupid as she was, I believe she is an intelligent being, capable of reasoned thought, but this time her vision was blinded by $$$$ and she became a blind mercenary, a very stupid move. Her political career is virtually over apart from the extreme left and the trade unions, oh wait ………

          • In Vino Veritas

            It is a truism Dave, that all rabid leftists have a price for their moral and ethical position. And it ain’t expensive!

    • andrew carrot

      Gould dragging Labour into the 21st century is comparable to Ghandi adopting Stalin’s methods of effecting societal change. It’s not going to end happily.

  • shykiwibloke

    I suggest to all other parties strategists – get your members to sign up to Andrew Little’s FB, Twitter and other lists. That way Labour will be so busy patting themselves on the back for a job well done they will fail to see your real moves.

    • Cadwallader

      …and they will continue to be devoid of policies,ideas,philosophies and internal harmony. A (sinking) Ship of Fools!

      • shykiwibloke

        Reminds me of the book “Who moved my cheese”

  • cows4me

    “How thick are Labour ?”, I doubt there is any sort of scale that we can relate to when answering that question.

    • Hard1

      Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
      Sun Tzu

      Everything in the Art Of War relates to politics, and Labour have never read it.

  • Jeff Saunders

    The only “smelly old turd” on the NZ horizon is YOU! here you are dissing the very on-line world which you have used to your own very smelly advantage! Go figure!

    • Cadwallader

      Can Labour raise its head high enough to see a “horizon?”

    • Lance Ralph

      Unsavoury – I grant you, but anyone who thinks there is only one “smelly old turd” in NZ establishment or media cannot have their eyes very wide open

    • For a self confessed grammar nerd that is a very poorly constructed rant.

      Stick to brainwashing AUT students.

    • Graham Pilgrim

      Nowhere in the above posting can I see any “dissing” of the on-line world. What I DO see is criticism of the Labour Party for continuing to use strategies which clearly have not worked.

    • la la land

      You are missing the point – the left rules Twitter and social media… Yet they were hammered in the election. It’s simple really – they need to get out more.

    • Aucky

      Hmm………… 7/10 for grammar. Could try harder.

    • Garbageman

      Your on-line attitude kinda sums you up as well, what a nasty wee fella you are, pot/kettle eh

      • Graham Pilgrim

        And this guy is lecturing our kids?

        • Aucky

          So it appears Graham. I suspect that the pass rates are in direct proportion to your positioning on the political spectrum.

      • Amanda Atkinson

        Jeff, did you see the elections result? Oh yeah, Labour voters are right (as always), and majority voting National are all hoodwinked idiots whom cannot think for themselves. haha pffft … typical lefties, think their intellect is superior. No Jeff. Your views are irrelevant, you are a minority now, the election proved it.

    • Reaper

      WO and Facebook are quite different things, Jeff.

  • Day Day

    One can purchase, 50,000 plus “likes” for a modest fee.

    • mommadog

      It is tempting to secretly and as a right supporter pay for 50,000 likes to see Angry Andy get all excited and then wonder where the voters are come election. But I’m not going to waste my money on Labour even if the fee is modest. I’m already paying the wages of a lot of their supporters through taxes and Winz.

  • Amanda Atkinson

    Even if Likes are votes, another 40,000? Wow, that’ll change the result, another 1%? Labour are aiming high, nice one! Interesting to see what happens when/if more comes out of dirty politics. The left said Key wouldn’t survive it. Key said, everyone does it and people are sick of it. He’s right. Left and right are just as bad as each other. My guess is the left will blow it off just like Key did, no matter what Cameron brings out. It will cause some gossip in the blogs, but people are sick of it. Hope I’m wrong. I’d love to see them squirming.

    • There is a difference…what I did/do isn’t illegal, what they did, planned and executed was criminal…you can’t shake off criminal.

      • Amanda Atkinson

        I hope so. There’s been so much huff and puff from the left about all these horrible (and illegal) things the right did/do. None of it stuck. I hope what you announce sticks. Please no huff and puff like them. That’s all I ask. Make sure it sticks, otherwise we look like chest beating idiots, just like them.

  • Richard

    I’d like to be a fly on the wall to see what kind of backhanders & comps change hands to get these positive stories on the news channels.
    It is painfully obvious that National does not have this kind of relationship with the MSM.

  • Bombastic

    Labour just doesn’t get it. It’s about quality, not quantity. But then, just look at their front bench, or the row behind it.

  • Damon Mudgway

    Instead of learning from their considerable mistakes, Labour takes those mistakes and melts them down, reforges them, polishes them to a glistening lustre, and then proceeds to make them again, albeit with an even shinier wax job.

    • Lance Ralph

      And so, picking up a theme in this discussion, Is this proof that one can polish a turd?

      • Nebman

        I think Mythbusters might have managed it somewhere along the line…

  • Hard1

    Labour could just contract out the position to The Herald. They’ve been doing it for free so far.

    • Whitey

      Yes, they want to pay someone to do what the Herald has been doing for them at no cost. Another example of Labour’s stunning financial aptitude.

      • Not Clinically Insane

        One correction. Its a position paid for by Parliamentary Services… So its not them paying… Its us

    • taurangaruru

      They could turn it into a reality television show & sell the advertising to raise funds for the party. the likes of Vance, Small Anderson etc could all fight to be the winner.

    • Cadwallader

      Out of decency and as an acknowledgment of her loyalty Labour ought to appoint Rachael Smalley. I note she has about the right dollop of self-important idiocy to fill Labour’s need for a fabulist.

    • ShoreRight

      …and TV 1 News and that hideous Katie Bradford!

  • yoyoyo

    what a stupid job description.

    you can buy facebook “likes” bang: Objective 1 complete.

    • Wallace Westland

      You’d think they would have known that, after all they bought two elections.

  • Alexander K

    I thought everyone knows that the definition of stupidity is to repeat the same actions/strategies and expect different results!

    • Amanda Atkinson

      insanity too!

  • Considering the amount of on-air cuddling Smalley has been giving Angry Andy, is it possible she is making a play for the job, too.

  • Sagacious Blonde

    Isn’t this proactively seeking out the media to plant stories the sort of stuff that John Key’s office was pilloried for?

    • Phill

      Dead right.
      I cant believe the hypocrisy.
      “Interfering in our democratic process” the Lefties were crying.
      Cue howls of outrage from Smalley and Norman! (Yeah right)

  • Should hire Martyn Martin Wrongly Bradbury – im picking he could find at least 30,000 more ways to creatively spell his name – combined with fake facebook profiles – and then they could simply buy the rest of their likes from an indian company

  • Adam Michaels

    If Labour wants to be “proactive,” then maybe it should start by having policies which appeal to the mainstream. If Labour wants to do things right then it should pull its head out of its own trousers and do the job that the opposition is meant to do in a democracy!

  • dgrogan

    These Labour strategist are gloriously stupid. Must be something McCarten has had a hand in.

    These KPI’s for Angry Andy Little’s new spindoctor will deliver 5/8th of not much. It’s like an fmcg new product development dept. commissioning consumer research to discover that 99% of respondents agree they’d buy the new product. Problem is the researchers have overlooked to mention the intended price.

    Ah…OK. In that case, no sale.

  • NZ 2014

    Anyone who thinks Socialism works is thick.