Whaleoil Backchat

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  • Carl

    Bhttp://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/555110/Boris-Johnson-Jihadists-Radicals-Porn-Losers-Self-Esteem?utm_content=bufferd471a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=bufferoris is fantastic, there need to be more like him, a must read.

  • Salacious Crumb

    For anyone doubting the views of even moderate Muslims please watch this video clip.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EYAcLudBbhg

    Liberal ideology that uses political correctness as its weapon against free speech is the reason why Europe is already defeated.

    Next time you hear the phrase “moderate Muslim”; think of this video clip.

    • sandalwood789

      “…the reason why Europe is already defeated.”

      Yes. Europe *and* the UK.

      Thanks for destroying the UK, Cameron. /sarc

    • BloodyOrphan

      Another very good reason to ban Quran, it would be a very good way to see if these “Moderates” are true to their words of peace.

      • Greg M

        I don’t agree with banning it. I would like to see it perforated, put on a roll and given away free so everyone can treat it with the contempt it deserves.

  • Another Middleagedwhiteguy

    Rednecks:- pejorative term applied to people whose skin can go red from being exposed to the sun, AND who work outside with their heads down, by superior beings.

    Originally applied to poorer white farmers in southern USA, then to any non-liberal.

    Not applicable to Bostonites, Office workers nor AfroAmericans, but frequently used in the subjective compartment of their vocabulary.

    watch this !!

  • Wheninrome

    Just watched aljazerra interview with Jason Moon, hacker turned consultant, he mentioned being involved earlier on in his career with Dotcom.
    He had a lot to say of interest regarding encryption or not, saying encryption created an immediate red flag, whereas ordinary conversations can get lost in the general traffic of conversations mobile or otherwise.

  • sandalwood789

    I’ve been mulling over what constitutes a “good education”.
    I’ve come up with a list of very broad areas that are those that (if I had children) I’d like them to eventually have knowledge of. Here it is –

    ********************************
    Learning to read (using the phonics method).
    Writing.
    Grammar, spelling and punctuation.
    Numeracy. Ability to do mental arithmetic
    (e.g. calculating the amount of change to give).
    ********************************

    ********************************
    Common proverbs and sayings –
    What is “a dozen”? (Yes, some children don’t know this. )
    “Out of the frying pan, into the fire”.
    “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”
    “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
    ********************************

    ********************************
    Geography –
    World Geography. Be able to point to any country in the world on a map.
    Know the capital cities of as many countries as possible.
    Know the names of the highest mountains in the world, in Africa, in South America, in North America.
    Know the names of the major world rivers – Nile, Amazon, Ganges, Rhine, Volga, Thames – and be able to point to them.

    New Zealand Geography – be able to point to any town in New Zealand on a map.
    Know the highest mountain in each island and point to it.
    ********************************

    ********************************
    Science – Chemistry, physics, mathematics, computing, geology
    Advanced science – Biology, zoology, botany.

    History of Science
    LOGIC and critical thinking. The “scientific method”.

    Great scientists and inventors of the world – their names and what they did.
    ( Both ancient and modern scientists ).
    ********************************

    ********************************
    Sports –
    Rugby, league, soccer, basketball, cricket.
    Great sportmen and sportswomen – NZ and overseas.
    The Olympic Games (ancient and modern)
    ********************************

    ********************************
    Great explorers.
    ********************************

    ********************************
    World history – in particular, British history, U.S. history, history of Europe.
    The US Civil War. World War I. The inter-war period. World War II.

    History of Egypt and Persia.
    History of Islam and its conquests.

    New Zealand history.
    ********************************

    ********************************
    “Political correctness” – recognising it. Criticising it.
    “Cultural Marxism” – the left-wing’s “long march through the institutions” – schools, universities, teacher’s training colleges, the media.
    ********************************

    ********************************
    FREEDOM – History of freedom and slavery. Prominent events.
    Freedom of speech.
    The US Declaration of Independence.
    The Gettysburg Address.

    Egyptian President al-Sisi’s speech – “Islam is antagonising the world.” –
    http://www.raymondibrahim.com/from-the-arab-world/egypts-sisi-islamic-thinking-is-antagonizing-the-entire-world/

    WWI and WWII – the UK’s and Europe’s failure to learn lessons from them.
    (“Political correctness”, silencing critics of Islam, huge immigration of people holding a hostile ideology).
    ********************************

    ********************************
    Politics – “left-wing versus right-wing” – the differences
    The main differences between the right and left –
    Left = more government control
    Right = *less* government control

    Left = monopolies
    Right = competition and joint-ventures.

    Left = higher taxes. More subsidies.
    Right = lower taxes. Fewer subsidies and more use of “user-pays”

    Left = welfare dependency – “give people a fish a day”
    Right = encourage **self-reliance and independence** – “teach people to fish”

    Left = “Controlled speech” – “political correctness”, hate-speech laws, blasphemy laws etc. Clamps down on criticism of government, criticism of “protected groups” (e.g. Muslims)
    Right = **Free speech**

    Left = Pro-Islam
    Right = Anti-Islam

    Left = Seeks to *undermine* Western culture and values. Subversive.
    Right = Seeks to **defend** Western culture and values. **Patriotic**.
    ********************************

    ********************************
    Economics
    – Capitalism. Why it works (in simple terms).
    – Centre-right economic policies.
    – Socialism/Communism – why it never works (in simple terms).
    – Left-wing policies.
    ********************************

    ********************************
    World religions – a comparison.
    Islam – why it is an ideology/cult, not a religion.
    Why Islam is a danger to the world (subversion, the “ten different types of jihad”, terrorism).
    ********************************

    • Cadwallader

      This is incredible. To complete it you need to include WO in ” great explorers.” Very perceptive and certainly able to irritate the teachers’ unions.

      • sandalwood789

        Thanks!

        I’ve always had an interest in education (especially the teaching of reading via phonics).
        Anyway, I quickly did that “curriculum outline” as an idea of the areas that many people (IMO) would like to see their children have some knowledge of.

        Not knowing everything in every category, sure, but certainly the differences between left and right-wing (and what a “dozen” is – I saw a commenter say the other day that when they mentioned a dozen to some children they looked at him/her blankly.)

        • Cadwallader

          I think there ought be a separate course entitled “The Life and Works of Sir Winston Churchill” and a further course similarly titled as to Thomas Jefferson. If Churchill was here today it would be a case of Good Night Jihadis!

        • justhinking

          Why reading by phonics.?

    • Greg M

      Is that you T42? :-)

    • LovetoTeach

      Get yourself a charter school!
      Am not sure you can accurately assert that all of those things are “right” or “left” though…

    • Gaynor

      Fantastic ….. Teach them the basics and give them the ability to think. I am saving this I am sure it will come in handy one day.

  • Curly1952

    Enjoyable afternoon at a high tea 90th for an aunt.Now back home to wind into a BBQ with mates And after my first large sip of Waikato I realise it should be piped free into every house along side the water tap – agree?

    • Isherman

      Well I’m a mooloo man myself, but Waikato beer?..no. Terrible stuff IMO, Steinlager all the way for me.

      • Stuarts.burgers

        Maybe something from Three Boys or Epic an IPA for the summer and a Stout or Porter for the cooler months.

      • Curly1952

        Hell no – that will corrode the pipes – lead or pvc

        • Isherman

          I’d be suprised if the Waikato made it through the pipes to the tap, wouldn’t it congeal up and block the pipe in a gooey layer of sludge, like you get at the bottom of a trough?

    • pisces8284 .

      Mr P would say yeah right. Prefer wine or G & T myself

    • Nechtan

      Wouldn’t wash my car in Waikato.

      • Isherman

        Unless you were stripping the paint of course…..

      • JAFA Gazza

        You should. Its good. washed the mags on my Beemer with it…brake dust literally dissolved. Took me ages to get the congealed gunk of though. Next time Ithink Imight use water and soap……

    • caochladh

      I’m pretty sure we still get Waikato through the tap in parts of Auckland.

    • Spiker

      BBQ chicken and corona this evening.

    • hookerphil

      Quite liked Waikato something, cannot remember, (dark?) back in he 70’s. And this is from a Mainlander.

    • pak

      90 – your aunt is doing well and lovely she still able to enjoy the celebration of such a significant milestone.

  • Carl
    • Stuarts.burgers

      I do applaud Boris not only for what he says but how he says it .

      This piece not only shows courage of thought but also the value of a Classics Education.

      My best line was ” Severe onanists.”

      Loved it it although I had to Google it.

      • Carl

        So did I and I don’t think it will make word of the day but it should.

      • Another Middleagedwhiteguy

        Yes, we don’t know how many times Onan did it, but Boris is talking about a life-consuming recidivism in that respect.

    • MaryLou

      Love the raisins. What a let down that would be!

      • pak

        Thought that was hilarious – “black-eyed virgins is in fact a promise of 72 raisins”. Boris is a very funny guy.

        • edee

          There’s a joke to be made somewhere in there about nuts and raisins.

          • pak

            Probably, but will leave to you!

    • caochladh

      And Boris is not above firing off a few rounds to see what it feels like. I think perhaps he may have a bit of cheek bruising though………..

      • Wahbonnah

        lol awesome, in his suit as well!!!!

    • Cadwallader

      You know; one thing we can all do is ridicule islamos. We can’t all go to war but each of us can laugh at these Stone Age losers with their belief in a life of debauchery after death. A bit like Hugh Hefner’s penis in formaldehyde!

  • Carl

    Found this funny.(pic)

  • jude

    ..

    • edee

      The higher we went the more fun we had. Thanks for the memory :o)

      • jude

        These days those swings would be classified as “dangerous”! Yes I loved going high on those things too:)
        We would quite happily, spend hours at the park.

        • edee

          Another thing we use to do on the swings when sitting on them was twist the chains round as many times as we could, when we could not get another twist done we lifted our feet off the ground and wheeeeeee, round and round we went it always made us dizzy and full of giggles.

        • Greg M

          Pinched fingers from between the chain links, laughing till my sides hurt and no safety equipment in sight. Happy days.

          • Dave

            They had the safety concrete pad to land on Greg. We used to try and jump off to clear the concrete and land on the grass.

          • edee

            Glad to see there isn’t one namby pamby amongst us.

      • peterwn

        The old Borough and City engineers knew how to design decent swings.

    • Dave

      I always wanted to make it go right around……. never managed that!

      • jude

        Looking back, we must have had amazing abs, blissfully unaware at the time:)

      • ex-JAFA

        Could only manage that on swings suspended on solid bars. Chain had too much “give” to maintain the centrifuge.

    • Michelle

      Our swings in the back yard had rope I remember coming off and getting whacked in the back of the head with the 6×2 wooden seat
      Hanging upside down from the top bar
      Great memories
      When you think how they are stopping kids doing so many things and l think back to what we did as kids running round the farm through creeks, driving tractors, jumping off all manner of things playing round waterfalls, riding horses,climbing trees, so many memories of being a kid so much time spent laughing our heads off playing, only inside for meals

  • Lord Evans

    To all those builders and tradesmen out there: ‘show us ya crack’ with a twist….

    • sandalwood789

      Classic!
      The person who designed that t-shirt deserves a medal (or a D.B. ….. :) )

  • Nige.

    veryWhichWayButLeft answered last nights question with;

    “Not entirely exotic, but something you don’t see everyday…”

    What have you seen that might be considered once in a lifetime?

    • sandalwood789

      I was touring through the North-western US in 2002 with my uncle from Canada. We were traveling alongside a river in Wyoming (IIRC). There must have been a cloudburst upstream and there was a *razor-sharp* line across the river – below it was clear water, above it the river was choked with debris.
      *Amazing* , and the tragedy was that my camera chose that moment to play up and I couldn’t get a pic.
      Arrrgh.

    • Richard

      On one particular visit to the PICU ward at Starship I walked out of my boys room into the corridor to stare directly into the open chest cavity of a 3ish year old child as he was being wheeled from one operating room to another. There was a clear plastic sheet sealed to his chest through which you could see everything. Pretty surreal few seconds, I was strangely nonplussed by it all.

      The look on the surgeons faces said sorry mate we though we had timed our dash pretty well as there was no one in the corridor.

      Edit: Once in a life time for a builder anyway.

    • JAFA Gazza

      Face to face – literally…with a 13 ft pregnant Tiger Shark at Beqa Lagoon Fiji, 2005. A little bit of wee came out.

    • EveryWhichWayButLeft

      Standing on the bottom of the sea off the back of the Hen in about 15m of water being circled by hundreds of Kingfish. They were swimming around me and my column of air bubbles all the way to the surface. I had my head in a cray hole and it went dark (like in shadow) so I looked up into a vortex of Kingfish.

      They were close enough to reach out and touch and ranged in size from rats to very large (which is unusual for Kingfish schools), They were dense enough that the were blocking out the light except from directly above and I couldn’t see through the school to the surrounding environment.

      Suffice to say that I stood there for ages in awe and chewed through all my air – only an empty catch bag to show for it.

      I’ve had it happen again a couple of times on a much smaller scale in the BoI both in the bay and out off Ninepin – but that first time was just simply amazing. They are such a beautiful, graceful and powerful fish. No wonder they’re such great predators and also my favourite fish to catch.

      • 1951

        My dive instructor told us a school would do that when a shark/s was close. I only ever had it happen once at Smugglers Cove and got straight out without siting one.

    • Greg M

      Many years ago when I was young and had a life…I saw St Elmo’s fire bouncing around on the ship masts one night in the tropics. I had no idea what it was at the time, I thought the UFO’s were coming.

    • Cowgirl

      Dave Dobbyn playing an acoustic set in Aotea Square to mark the 10 year anniversary of the Queen Street riots. Just happened to be there one night when he turned up and played a set. Got on the telly as well because of it.

    • greybeard

      a female friend of mine licking Pinetrees jumper in the back of a truck.

    • ex-JAFA

      With any luck, it’ll be the time a detective pointed his gun at me from just a car length away. I don’t fancy looking into the pointy end of one of those ever again.

    • ex-JAFA

      As a kid at the beach, a local fisherman came ashore with his catch which included a still-live stingray at the bottom of his dinghy. It very soon became apparent that it was a pregnant female stingray, because it gave birth to a litter of raylets right in front of my very eyes. I had no idea that some kinds of fish had live births until that moment.

  • Cadwallader

    Late yesterday afternoon I heard an idiot speaking to Larry on ZB insisting that fatties can’t help being fat bastards and it is all the fault of their genes. They can’t stop eating crap in other words. Next time I rob a bank that will be my defence….My genes made me do it!!! The text feedback was hilarious and Larry wallowed in it with glee! This woman “doctor” was nothing more than an apologist for gluttony.

    • caochladh

      Allegedly, they have discovered a criminal gene, so you could be on the money there, so to speak….

      • Cadwallader

        The symptoms of having the criminal gene include frequenting WO’s site. I have that on good authority from Rachael Smallybrain…so there!

        • caochladh

          Perhaps Smalley could assist in the quest to find the stupid gene.

          • Cadwallader

            She owns that one all to herself.

  • Genevieve

    A very funny radio station phone prank to a BMW dealership ;

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JMJhOSdxQVg

    • pak

      That lady has a very infectious laugh!

    • jonno1

      Speaking of Beemers… Petrol heads may recall my automatic handbrake problem (see pic 1). Well, the parts have arrived at great expense from the US of A (pic 2) so the next task is to fit them. Not as easy as it sounds as the old shaft has to be pressed out, new shaft fitted, drilled and lock pin installed… Then a computer reset (sigh).

  • Isherman

    On the bright side, at least Guptill’s got a start in todays game, his confodence alone needed it. He’s currently on 22 from 22 with a couple of boundries. Hope he goes on to get a decent total. McCullums gone for 17.

    • pisces8284 .

      Enjoying a day/nighter. Shame they keep showing the side of the stadium where no one is. I think they should change to the multi coloured seats that they have in other stadiums overseas. It looks like there are more people there than there actually are

      • Teletubby

        The designers were told that when they built it. They toured stadiums in the UK and were told make your seats a variety of muted colours, it looks better when the place is only half full so of course they chose a nice muted shade of bright yellow

        • pisces8284 .

          Of course….

  • pisces8284 .

    Got the house sprayed for flies about 6 weeks ago, worked well but it’s wearing off now. They are really bad this year, after the blowies now we have the small house flies. The question is…am I spraying the same fly that refuses to die, or is it a new one?

    • HSV325

      My Mrs says it’s the same one. Have the same issue as well

    • 1951

      Do you clean with Handy Andy or any other ammonia based floor wash? That may be inviting them back in.

      • pisces8284 .

        We have dark slate, so I don’t actually wash the floor as often as I should I’m ashamed to admit….

        • 1951

          (Shhh, I won’t tell) I started using a lemon based cleaner a while ago, use it everywhere. I haven’t had a fly problem since.

          • pisces8284 .

            Thanks, might try that. I think they line up outside like magpies waiting for me to dish up the meat

          • Mags

            I haven’t had a problem so much this year and wonder if it is the lavenders that I planted. A friend said that lavender repel insects. She burns lavender oil.

          • Chris EM

            I did some research last weekend about natural fly repellents after throwing out the ‘natural’ insecticide dispenser. This lead me to getting some essential oils of Peppermint, Lemongrass, Eucalyptus and Lavender. I’ve poured a small amount of each onto some cotton wool and placed them around the living area and kitchen. I’m still in the experimental stage, but i’m sure I have less flies now than I did with the dispenser thing.
            I had a fly bothering me in the kitchen last evening, so I brought the Peppermint and Lemongrass into the kitchen, could be a coincidence, but the fly disappeared after that.

          • pisces8284 .

            Anything is worth a try, might give it a go, thanks

    • Cadwallader

      If you have a neighbour who votes Greenies they seem to disappear over the fence.

    • Imogen B

      Fly spray only works if you hit them over the head with the can.

    • ex-JAFA

      Next time you spray it, tie a balloon to one of its legs. Then it’ll be obvious if it’s the same one or not.

  • jude
    • pisces8284 .

      Even better, there is a Spooks movie coming out soon

      • la la land

        Nothing is better than GOT!!!! :)

    • Cowgirl

      Can’t wait! Watched the trailer today :)

  • peterwn

    Years ago, a workman on a building site went to boil the billy and claimed beer came out of the tap. The woman at the council also cracked up laughing when he phoned to complain. But she did put them through to the waterworks people who did not quite see the joke. In due course the brewery next door (now a New World) was prosecuted for allowing backflow.

  • JAFA Gazza

    So..just had a Facebook mate kick off a thing where you need to name a movie…but using “In your Pants” at the end to make a sentence. Weirdly addictive…my shot was ” There Will Be Blood…In your Pants”…

    Anyone up to having a bit of juvenile fun wit this? ;)

    • JAFA Gazza

      Kick off with.”There’s something about Mary..in your pants”…

      • Salacious Crumb

        Blackhawk Down….

      • Effluent

        Earthquake…

      • Greg M

        The birds…

      • Cadwallader

        Thunderball

      • Mark

        The Sting

    • EveryWhichWayButLeft

      Anaconda…

      • JAFA Gazza

        You know me so well! ;)

    • sandalwood789

      “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”… in your pants”

    • Steve HT

      The Queen

    • Carl

      Stand by me

    • sandalwood789

      “Breakfast at Tiffany’s….in your pants….”

    • Steve HT

      Snakes on a plane in your pants

    • jude

      Titanic…in your pants:)

    • Eiselmann

      Top Gun…in your pants

    • sandalwood789

      The Abyss……

      • Cadwallader

        Quantum of Solace

        • JAFA Gazza

          Story of my life…..:)

          • Cadwallader

            No that would be the solace of lone satisfaction?

          • JAFA Gazza

            Shush…the missus reads this blg too….

    • Steve HT

      Psycho in your pants

    • Steve HT

      Pretty woman in your pants

    • 1951

      Braveheart…

    • sandalwood789

      Goldfinger……

      • JAFA Gazza

        LOL!!! :)

        • Cadwallader

          Brokeback Mountain

    • sandalwood789

      The Dirty Dozen…..

    • Don W

      A fist full of dollars.

    • sandalwood789

      Four Lions…..

      • 1951

        Born Free……………?

    • Cadwallader

      Here’s one for Cam: “Easyrider In Your Boxing Shorts”

    • Steve HT

      I know what you did last summer in your pants

    • sandalwood789

      Lethal Weapon…….

      • JAFA Gazza

        That is GOLD!!! :)

        • Cadwallader

          To Sir With Love

      • Cadwallader

        The Heat of the Night

    • JAFA Gazza

      Tne sixthh sense…

    • Steve HT

      Then king and I in your pants

      • Cadwallader

        Priscilla Queen Of The Desert

    • Steve HT

      Alien in your pants

    • FredFrog

      True Romance

    • Don W

      War horse.

    • 1951

      The Good, the Bad and the Ugly…

      • JAFA Gazza

        LOL…mines mostly ugly! :)

        • Cadwallader

          This is it: STRICTLY BALLROOM !!!!!!

      • Cadwallader

        Pulp Fiction

    • sandalwood789

      True Grit….

    • Steve HT

      Grease in your pants

    • sandalwood789

      Saturday Night Fever…..

    • Steve HT

      Some like it hot in your pants

    • JAFA Gazza

      The Odd Couple…

    • sandalwood789

      Who Framed Roger Rabbit…..

    • Carl

      Bad Santa

      • JAFA Gazza

        seriously bad images there….Gary Glitter seems to spring to mind….

    • sandalwood789

      The Untouchables……

    • Pluto

      Gone With the Wind…

    • arnold zeiffel

      sharknado

    • sandalwood789

      All Quiet on the Western Front…..

    • sandalwood789

      Bad Taste……. ;)

    • Papillon

      Paranormal Activity

      • JAFA Gazza

        Now THAT is good! :)

        • Moonroof

          Freaking epic [smirk]

    • jonno1

      The 40 year old Virgin… in your pants.

    • Don W

      The seven year itch.

    • JAFA Gazza

      Me, Myself and Irene…

    • sandalwood789

      The Longest Day….

    • Don W

      Magnum force.

    • sandalwood789

      Spiderman…….

    • edee

      The 3 Muskateers …..

    • Carl

      Die hard in your pants. That’s how I would want to go.

    • sarahmw

      Heat and Dust

      • JAFA Gazza

        sorry to hear that Sarah! ;)

    • sandalwood789

      Team America…..

      • JAFA Gazza

        F**K Yeah!

      • 1951

        LOL, got tears in my eyes for you.

    • sandalwood789

      Fahrenheit 451……

    • JAFA Gazza

      The Missing…

      • Papillon

        Is that where the missing million went, in you pants?

        • JAFA Gazza

          That would be telling….. ;)

    • Don W

      Charlie’s angels.

    • sandalwood789

      Up Pompeii…..

    • 1951

      To Sir with Love

    • Wallace Westland

      The Terminator..

    • sandalwood789

      Night of the Living Dead….

    • Nechtan

      The Untouchables.

    • Richard

      Backdraft….

    • sandalwood789

      A Hard Day’s Night…
      Magical Mystery Tour….
      Let It Be….
      Yellow Submarine…..

    • sandalwood789

      Some Like It Hot…..

      ( An honourable mention as well to TV series “It Ain’t Half Hot Mum”…. )

    • MaryLou

      Texas Chainsaw Massacre….

    • sandalwood789

      Born Free…….

    • sandalwood789

      The Day of the Jackal…..

    • Nechtan

      The Magnificent Seven

    • EveryWhichWayButLeft

      Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close…

    • Don W

      The desert rats.

    • Richard

      Ten Inch Hero

    • Don W

      The Dambusters.

    • greybeard

      never say never again…….

    • greybeard

      The ploughmans lunch……

    • Moonroof

      The Empire Strikes Back…

    • greybeard

      wish you were here……

    • flutterby

      Sound of Music

      • JAFA Gazza

        Gotta tell Madame Jafa that one….. ;)

    • greybeard

      voyage of the damned………..

    • 1951

      An officer & a Gentleman………

    • Nechtan

      What Women Want

      (not even close but its funny)

      • JAFA Gazza

        That isGOLD!!!

    • Don W

      High noon

    • greybeard

      fanny by gaslight……

    • greybeard

      it’s in the bag……

      (i’ll stop now)

    • Moonroof

      The Life of Others…

    • Moonroof

      Close Encounters of the Third Kind…

    • Asian_driver

      Blazing saddles

    • Asian_driver

      Better put in a Kiwi movie
      Fresh Meat

    • Isherman

      From dusk till dawn…

    • I.M Bach

      Chicken Run, in your pants.

    • I.M Bach

      Thelma and Louise…

    • Bill Hanna

      The Cook, the Thief, His wife and her lover….

    • ex-JAFA

      Octopussy….

    • ex-JAFA

      A New Hope…

  • Steve HT

    Hmmmm Nikki Kaye being dropped off by the ministerial car at Smith and Caughey Queen St…is that something she can claim in expenses?

    • JAFA Gazza

      Depends on whether she is using Laila Harre’s charge card courtesy of KDC….

  • Cadwallader

    Does anyone recall the “Carry On” comedies? They were utterly silly but drew laughs due to the quality of the actors. In 2015 there could be “Carry On Jihad” with many beheadings, explosions, goat molestations etc. For a real laugh “Carry On Greenies” with renewable energy (always good for a laugh) and money printing and fights with cardboard swords. This one could have a cameo from Dear Eleanor starring as “Princess Entitlement” in a role where she portrays herself as a lover of an environment funded by her serfs and lesser mortals.

    • Greg M

      “Many beheadings, explosions, goat molestations”, that is comedy gold :-)

      • Cadwallader

        Are you angling for a starring role?

        • Greg M

          As long as I’m not the goat…

          • Cadwallader

            Instead of acting the goat you get to marry the goat! SceneTwo: You’re off to meet the virgins with a bucket full of goat bits!

          • JAFA Gazza

            But what if the goat is a virgin? will that count towards the 60/ 72/ 48 or whatever BOGOF offer they have going at the moment in Mohammedland?

          • Cadwallader

            That’s not a problem unless you too are a virgin!

          • JAFA Gazza

            I’m a virgo… dont judge me! :(

          • pak

            Scene Two Finale: When they arrive, much self-flagellation and wailing ensues … as per advice from Boris Johnson, the “black-eyed virgins” are in fact “a promise of 72 raisins”.

          • pisces8284 .

            Oh no….

          • pak

            Be not concerned. Think whoever wrote that did not realise that there is a higher-calling for the raisins – needed to await the arrival of the Jihadists in the after-life and they would not have been able to drink the wine anyway.

          • pisces8284 .

            True. Unless they ran away the nuts and became utter fruit cakes

          • caochladh

            What about the “Goat Major”……………

      • JAFA Gazza

        Go to be one of the funniest and most arcane use of three disparatae words in the same sentence….Pure genius!

      • spanishbride

        I have been busy casting animals for your project and have found the perfect Goat lead.

      • Bill Hanna

        Gary the goat would be good, he already has comedy credibility

    • JAFA Gazza

      Cad – you need to go into scriptwriting….seriosuly look at In the Thick of It…and adjust…you are onto a winner here!

      • Cadwallader

        You just want the goat part!

        • JAFA Gazza

          Maaaaa aaaaaa. yup you are right. I’ll take that over beheadings…but tell me moore about explosions!!!

          • Cadwallader

            OK just to be sure are you Billy Nanny or some alternative orifice? Can you confidently bleat in the direction of Mecca?

          • JAFA Gazza

            I can bleat in any prescribed direction. With feeling.

        • JAFA Gazza

          Can I be a suicide Goat bomber that is also a virgin?

    • JAFA Gazza

      Ok I’m in! I think we should set up a seperate post and write Carry On Jihad……..collective input…..Let’s do t!

      • Cadwallader

        OK picture: A cold dark night in the desert with the prophet aching for the attention of one of his 33 seven year old wives….. That has to be a decent intro unless you want me to skip the virgins and head (polite term) straight to the goats….?

        • JAFA Gazza

          Nope…love it. I think you should pan the scene..looking at his 33 wives..in their letter box black headress…and he see’s a GOAT!! Big eyes and showing legs!

          • Cadwallader

            When do you begin soft therapy?

          • JAFA Gazza

            When we get money from royalties…….

          • SVlover

            Monty Python series???

    • Rodger T

      If you have`nt already,watch ,Four Lions.

      A group of young Muslim men living in Sheffield decide to wage jihad, and they hatch an inept plan to become suicide bombers. Omar (Riz Ahmed) and Waj (Kayvan Novak) have a brief, disastrous run at a Pakistan training camp, while Faisal (Adeel Akhtar) works on an unlikely scheme to train birds to carry bombs. Their ill-conceived plan culminates at the London Marathon with their bumbling attempts to disrupt the event while dressed in outlandish costumes.

      Very funny.

      • sandalwood789

        Yep, it was very good…. :)

      • JAFA Gazza

        Cant recommend it highly enough. Absolutely BRILLIANT. Funny to the point of wetting yourself.

      • Wasapilot

        Brought DVD online last night, should arrive midweek.

  • Richard

    Who’s up for a Chuck Norris thread?…I’ll start.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.

    • Cowgirl

      Chuck Norris doesn’t cry, but if he did, his tears would cure cancer.

    • Carl

      Jackie Chan blew his nose and Chuck Norris was on the tissue.

    • Papillon

      Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the s*** out of it.

    • Richard

      When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mum home from the hospital.

    • 1951

      When Chuck Norris slice onions, onions cry.

    • Nechtan

      Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    • Richard

      When you flip over China, underneath it states…Made by Chuck Norris.

      I do believe that is Chuck mate.

    • The US army was created as backup for Chuck Norris

    • Nechtan

      When Chuck Norris does press ups, he doesn’t push up, he pushes the earth down.

  • Dave

    State election here today, polling closes at 9.00 PM NZ time. It’s supposed to be a cliff hanger, with the current LNP leader (Campbell Newman) most likely to lose his seat. Fingers crossed for the continuation of the Libs. Not confident though!

    • ex-JAFA

      Is voting in State elections compulsory, as it is in Federal elections? How about local elections? And are you permitted to vote, or were you not in Oz the day they decided to change the rules?

      • Dave

        Yes, voting in State elections is compulsory, they compare voters against the role, and every person who did not vote gets a fine. Some repeat offenders are prosecuted, and receive more severe penalties. I’m still a citizen, rule change didn’t affect me, but my lovely wife is a non person in Australia, they accept her tax dollars but no other rights beyond taxes.

  • jonno1

    Just finished a fantastic meal of fresh-caught snapper washed down with a Vidal Rose. How come? Well, my beloved set the alarm for 4,30am and went fishing with son and grandkids. Caught heaps but threw most back, just kept the big ones. Funnily enough the 3yo caught the most, surprisingly patient for his age. Of course, the adults spent a lot of time baiting hooks for the youngsters, but still did alright.

  • Aucky

    Lydia Ko is head of the leader board on Day 3 and looking good. She is one great Kiwi & its fantastic to have her represent us overseas. What say you Eleanor?

    • jonno1

      When I heard today of her 7-under I couldn’t help contrasting her unfailing humility with the attitude expressed by Ms Catton. Well done Lydia!

    • caochladh

      The Green female will never, ever be in the same class as Lydia Ko.

    • Isherman

      I wouldn’t bother asking, you’ll only get a long winded highbrow non topical discourse as an answer.

  • Alright

    Stephen Fry on “God.”

    Short story: if God exists he doesn’t like him/her/it….

    • caochladh

      Spec savers are calling you!

    • JAFA Gazza

      Superb.

  • caochladh

    There has to be a lesson in this somewhere. Man almost dies eating rice meal that was not kept refrigerated and was past its expiry date.
    http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/65620530/Rice-snack-shuts-down-mans-organs

  • Dave

    Almost 8.00 pm here and it’s looking like a labour victory in QLD, bugger! Don’t ever believe QLD is the smart state, the party that almost sent QLD broke has been elected after 3 years in the wilderness.

    • Dave

      Buggar. 99% certain Campbell Newman (QLD Premier) will lose the seat of Ashgrove to a newbie Labour candidate who has the charisma and experiance of Jacinda Adhern!

      • Alright

        You can probably blame the Mad Monk.

      • I.M Bach

        Good riddance. (From a biker…)

        • Dave

          Disagree there, the laws have served their purpose well, illegal bikie gangs have all but gone, yes there have been some unfortunate casualties (such as your good self) but the benefits to the masses are too positive. Unfortunately QLD has elected a rabble who’s leader couldn’t even name the rate of GST yesterday, and they have no costed budget yet.

          • I.M Bach

            OK, so maybe I’ve gone on a bender with a one-policy thought. I do not condone what some bikers do in relation to drug dealing/smuggling, stand-over tactics and/or extortion etc, no sane person would. However; when such bikers do what they do they wear club ensignia that makes them stand out like the proverbial dog’s personal bits. Outlaw that and their associations and they simply go underground, it makes them harder to spot. (Let’s not forget that some of the world’s worst criminals wear suits.)

            I suggest you read a book by Allan Shand (sp?) entitled ‘Outlaws’, in which he outlines the good and bad points of outlaw MC’s in Oz and points out the fact that most of the big-club members do not participate in the crimes that Newman would have you think they do and they are mostly financially broke with their main asset being the bike they ride. I’m not saying they’re saints and that the whole scene isn’t tainted in some way or another but then again neither is the force that is sworn to serve and protect, blah blah blah.

            Mark Standen is a prime example; Assistant Commissioner For Being a Wally (or whatever his position was) got busted with 300kg (yes, 300kg) of meth precursor booty, which far surpasses any biker bust I can think of in recent times.

            http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/former-nsw-cop-mark-standen-guilty-of-120m-drug-plot/story-e6frg6nf-1226113166616

            We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one mate; Newman and his totalitarian regime can go whistle. The cops have enough power to deal with events as they come to hand, nothing new is required. Good on the cops for busting meth dealers; meth is insidious rubbish, it wrecks people’s lives, I have no time for it or the people who deal in it but freedom of choice about what you wear, who you associate with (or draw cartoons of) is paramount.

            No; I’m not a patch-wearing gang member, before you ask.

  • MaryLou

    For all those who decry landlords as dirty capitalists taking up the housing stock – here’s what you get without them!:

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11394453

    • I.M Bach

      In Oz the real estate agent opens the door of the house (usually at a stupid time of the day when people are supposed to be and have to be working), everyone marches through, you fill out a huge application form, supply endless references, ID etc and then some punters even offer more in rent to get a shoe in. It’s a bun fight.

      • Dave

        Not everywhere in Aussie IMB, here there are over 1600 empty rentals,ms one are exceptional homes, it’s a renters market and agents bend over backwards to get a tenant. Most agents here operate an after hours service to show tenants through, or offer the key for an hour with a $50 deposit. Negotiations over rent are also common, a mate had to accept $50 a week less for a bed home as the market is so tight. It’s all about supply & demand!

  • I.M Bach
    • sandalwood789

      Crazy stuff.

      Isn’t there a butcher or meat company out there somewhere whose meat is *non*-halal and would like to increase their sales by advertising this?

      That has worked *wonders* for a number of non-halal companies in Australia that have advertised the fact and seen their sales *rocket* up.

  • I.M Bach

    I hope it’s not too late for a funny;

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/VmffgIqlAYA

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