If Sex isn’t dirty you are doing it wrong, or: how to spring clean your Vajizzle

Being an Actor requires a certain skill set just like any other profession. The ability to speak in public however does not necessarily equal the ability to make sensible and logical statements about politics or health. When I talk about Politics I am thinking about actors like Ben Affleck

Beardy weirdy Ben Affleck

Ben Affleck

and that drippy so called Sex God, Russel Brand

Drippy Sex God Russell Brand

Drippy Sex God Russell Brand

When I talk about health however I am talking about this lady.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth is recommending a practice that will cause real problems by trying to solve a non existent problem. Most women by the time they have reached 30 have learned ( usually the hard way ) what you can and cannot do if you want to have a problem free vagina. Gwyneth on the other hand thinks that stuffing up the delicate bacterial balance required by a vagina to function normally is a great idea.

Got a dirty vagina? Gwyneth has the solution.

Gwyneth’s at it again, this time raving about the benefits of steam-cleaning her vagina. Yes, you read that correctly: in a recent Goop update Gwyneth says her lady parts need a regular “V-Steam”. Apparently it works like this:

“You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release – not just a steam douche – that balances female hormone levels.”

Experts say no, but this latest recommendation for vaginal health has us asking exactly what we should be doing to take care down there.

Dr Anna McNulty, Director of Sydney Sexual Health, says that the best thing to do is absolutely nothing. “Your vagina is very good at keeping itself healthy,” she says. “Just leave it alone.”

In fact, not only is it best to do nothing, it’s really important to be aware of anything going near that area. “It’s quite a delicate balance of bacteria,” Dr McNulty explains. “Any intervention – like the trend of douching – can wash away the normal bacteria that keeps your vagina healthy.”

– SMH Contributor




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  • 1951

    What is it with you SB that I end up with tears streaming down my cheeks. That headline alone has to challenge anything Cam came up with this week ;)

    • sandalwood789

      She’s great, isn’t she…..

      Cam, you’re a *really lucky bloke* to have her…. :)

      • 1951

        I see ‘expert’ advice coming in (up above) thick & fast too.

  • Kevin

    Celebrities will believe anything.

    • Nige.

      And declare themselves experts on anything.

      Lets face it. Actors make their money by pretending to be someone who they are not.

  • WeaselKiss

    Failing that there’s always a pressure washer, Bunnings have a special on at the moment, 5 hp Briggs & Stratton, 3000 psi.
    Too easy.

    • sandalwood789

      I’d upvote you 100 if I could….. ;)

      • WeaselKiss

        Who was that guy on TV back in the 90’s:
        “More power, arrgghh arrgghh arrgghh!!”

        • sandalwood789

          Tim “the toolman” Taylor –
          “Home Improvement”.

          • WeaselKiss

            I don’t know if SB intended it but this thread runs serious risk of spinning out of control lol.

          • [MOD] the whole Mod team is puckered up and sweaty

            not sure if that came out right…

          • Hard1

            Hah, mate, it’s Sunday…
            McCormack was working on his tractor trailer when he accidentally fell and landed on a high pressure air valve…

          • WeaselKiss

            You wouldn’t want the hose to come out, could flail around and take an eye out with that thing…

    • ToboldLeeGoh

      This is the comment of the decade!

      • WeaselKiss

        For an extra $39.95 you can get the combo set of white gumboots, vinyl apron and eye protection. ;)

        • ToboldLeeGoh

          Sounds like the basis for the new Eleanor Catty novel “The Lymphocytes” 1060 pages with another 100k from the public trough.
          EDIT added pages and troughdollars

    • pak

      Good to know WeaselKiss.

    • Gaynor

      Bleeding heck there will be women stuck on rooves all over the country!!!

  • oldmanNZ

    I thought yoghurt get rid of that fishy smell?

    not sure if you eat the yoghurt, or put it in there.

    • pak

      You don’t eat it.

      • oldmanNZ

        so is it like fresh and fruity or just plain?

    • kehua

      Smells like fish tastes like chicken, oldman.

  • pak

    Actually not a “new” practice at all but one which used by a number of ancient cultures for centuries such as Mayans, Egyptians, and Indians where is it called a Yoni steam bath (yoni meaning temple). Also has been used in parts of Asia for a very long time, particularly Korea. It allegedly boots fertility, eases menstrual cramps, fights infection and is supposed to balance hormones. Whether it does any things or not I cannot testify to!

    • Lux
      • pak

        I see that – but she does not seem to have followed up the Ayurvedic lead, although sometimes such practices are shrouded in secrecy and difficult to get information on how it was actually done – such as Shimvabu Shastra (urine drinking) which may or may not have any connection to the Yoni steam bath!

    • conwaycaptain

      there IS THE Indian YONI Dr whose qualifications were
      M BS Bombay (Failed)

      • pak

        Will have to seek out that good gentleman should I require any gynecological services on any future visit to Mumbai!

  • Eiselmann

    for a moment I thought she was spring cleaning

  • Luis Cannon

    The body is covered in bacteria. Most are required for optimum health. The modern fixation of killing every “germ” on and inside the body is counterproductive. Some of the unhealthiest people are too clean.

  • Nige.

    Fact; Vagina’s, like ears are self cleaning.

    • Wallace Westland

      And the Labour Party, don’t forget them, they clean themselves out as well. Which makes at least one thing they have in common with…errrrr…ears.

      • Hard1

        Who’s going to call for an inquiry into mugwort infrared laser-guided vagina steam cleaning now that Norman is just idling into pension qualification territory?.

        The Tuatara, that’s who. Never mind us poor blokes who have to wait for it to cool down.

        • taurangaruru

          That will be an organically grown mugwort, solar powered infra red laser guided cavity cleaner.

  • ex-JAFA

    The more I hear about those things, the more I’m glad that my own equipment is so much simpler to operate and maintain.

    Like children, I’m more than happy to play with someone else’s, but I certainly wouldn’t want to own one myself.

  • Cowgirl

    Haha – enjoy your yeast infection Gwynny!

  • Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

    Just spray and walk away….

    • Lord Evans

      Yep, “Just splay and steam away!”

  • wanarunna

    I am not sure I agree with Dr McNulty. I mean, leave it alone? What then would be the point of having one?

  • conwaycaptain

    Dr SB the Obs and Gyn specialist on her way to London to the Royal College of Yoni Doctors

  • Hard1

    Here’s the steam cleaning throne on the Saudi King’s Airbus…and to think Helen Clark nearly fell out of a Piper Aztec !


    • Wahbonnah

      she didn’t fall, she was pushed!!!

  • Richard

    I’m no gynecologist but I’ll take a look at that for you.

    • Harry B’Stard

      Interviews for the job start on Monday in Wellington, you can join the back of the queue in Hamilton already.

      • Goldfish

        I would have thought that steam cleaning the vaj was mandatory in Hamilton?

  • Some people think Britney is a bit of a vagina… just leave her alone!

    (any segway to get the Internet classic in)

    • steve and monique

      And the Oscar goes to……….

    • Hard1

      You do realise that’s a bloke, Pete ?.

    • KGB

      WOW a number 1 fan?

  • steve and monique

    That woman really is a drip, the amount of times she has put her talentless foot in her mouth this is just one more example. Anyone remember the comment that working Mum’s don’t work as hard as movie star Mums because they go home at the end of the day and don’t work long days for 3 or so months (irrespective of the fact that after those three months they have a hiatus for the rest of the year). The woman is a try hard tree hugging dork! “Conscious uncoupling?!” please….Coldplay sound much better now!!

  • Jimmie

    I see from SB’s link that a blend of herbs are used during the process.

    I was wondering if the herbs was to help add a little ‘flavour’ to the bits down there??

    Almost like a do it yourself marinade

    • ex-JAFA

      The Colonel knows the secret 11 herbs and spices. It’s finger-lickin’ good!

  • cows4me

    Gwyneth should try this.

  • Adios Africa

    If Gwyneth had sex with Russell Brand, she would need to douche with Roundup.

  • Nechtan

    She named her children Apple and Moses, the prosecution rests My Lord!

  • taurangaruru

    What have we come to, where is humanity headed? For all the great scientific & medical advances made over the last 100 years & yet we have some bint proudly discussing getting the K’Archer out & steam cleaning her bits. Is nothing considered private anymore?

  • Wheninrome

    As long as it isn’t John Tamahere talking about front bottoms as in the past.

  • Ilovelife

    Just had a good old chuckle. Gotta go, have to help the missus out with a bit of steam cleaning around the place.

  • Wendy

    Its people like this who keep me in work. Unfortunately.
    I shudder to think how this will manifest in the gullible and chronically stupid.

  • KQ

    Thank you for that Cam.

  • JKV

    Thanks for that SB. Unbelievable that anyone takes this Gwyneth woman seriously. But the comments BTL here have had us screeching with laughter. Very funny.