Panty sniffers

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Panty sniffer number one has a thing for American government employees’ underwear. He just can’t get enough of it. The more he sniffs the more he is shocked that skid marks not only exist but in some cases are downright disgusting. He considers that he is doing the American public a service by revealing the details, ( the dirty, smelly details ). He rejects the title ‘Panty Sniffer’ which suggests that he is in some way perverted for having a fixation with other people’s underwear and that he is a criminal for rooting around in other peoples dirty laundry searching for stains and other unsavory marks.

People have pointed out that he has no right to be sniffing underwear that does not belong to him but he sees it as a noble calling.” I am an Underwear inspector ,” he proudly declares.” A highly regarded, Investigative Underwear inspector. The government is against me because they don’t want me airing their dirty underwear in public. The public have a right to know. I felt that I just had to share my findings with the world because they have a right to know what goes on behind closed doors when consenting adults get down and dirty. Yes,I know they have a right to privacy but I am concerned about the public’s right to privacy. If we don’t take a close look at the American government’s employee underwear how else are we going to discover if they have been getting a thrill watching us through our bedroom windows while we make sweet, sweet love?”

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He has gained a lot of publicity for his panty sniffing antics and even made the cover of?? Wired magazine, clutching a very large pair of Men’s American underwear.

 

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Panty Sniffer ( Underwear inspector ) number one

 

New Zealand of course has its own ‘Panty Sniffer extraordinaire. He has sniffed Don Brash’s undies, Cameron Slater’s undies and the undies of wealthy people who use Trusts to protect their assets. He has now joined forces with the American ‘ Panty Sniffer ‘ as the pile of American employee’s underwear is too big for just one man to sniff his way through. Ably assisted by a Senior Panty Sniffer at the Herald the collaboration with The American Panty Sniffer has led to a series of stories with the New Zealand Herald, the Herald on Sunday and the Sunday Star-Times.

The New Zealand Panty Sniffer however holds himself to much higher standards than his American compatriot. He is a fastidious and ethical man who does not like to get his hands dirty. Unlike the American he does not root through dirty laundry baskets himself. He ‘ collaborates ‘ with those who do.

An example of the kind of underwear Investigative Underwear inspectors have to sniff through.

An example of the kind of underwear Investigative Underwear inspectors have to sniff through.

” I don’t like the smell quite frankly ” he explains. “I ask my panty source to wash, dry and fold the underwear before delivering them to me.? He then provides me with photos of the stains which I then thoroughly analyse. ” He takes most directly off the washing line in people’s back yards but occasionally he finds them in drawers inside people’s bedrooms.

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When challenged that he has to trust his panty source to show him all the underwear and provide him with photos of all the stains he dismisses concerns with a shrug. “I have full faith in my anonymous source who is a good friend,” he replies.

” He was motivated to bring me the underwear because of a strong personal animosity towards the owner of the underwear so I am sure he will have been totally unbiased and fair in his underwear selection.”

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New Zealand’s leading ‘ Investigative Underwear inspector’

He said that the the stains he and the ‘American Panty Sniffer’ have found would not only surprise the public but also people all through the foreign policy and intelligence bureaucracy who will know much more about panty stains at the end of these revelations than they did before.

“When I looked at the photos? and saw that New Zealand has stains similar in size and density to America? it seemed bizarre to me – like it is from another era before toilet paper was invented.

 

 

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