Quick someone tell Nicky, he can hack the All Blacks emails next

A pommy bastard reckons the All Blacks are into the dark arts…”Dirty Rugby” even.

Quick someone tell Nicky so he can hack the All Blacks and spike the next World Cup 6 weeks out from the first game.

The All Blacks are “a cynical bunch of b…….” who are not averse to using the dark arts, according to former England international Paul Ackford.

The All Blacks on Sunday (NZ time) became world champions for the third time after they beat Australia 34-17 in the Rugby World Cup final at Twickenham.

Ackford shared his glowing admiration of New Zealand rugby but he also wrote in his column in The Times that one aspect of the All Blacks’ success had been “grievously under-reported” – their “cynical” streak.

He pointed the finger firmly at Aaron Smith and the “saintly” Dan Carter as the All Blacks’ chief perpetrators and also criticised the performance of Welsh referee Nigel Owens, saying his well known rapport with the players was “lapsing into banter”.

What an effing whinging Pom.

In his column, Ackford said: “I BOW to no man in my admiration of New Zealand rugby. If I could watch one game for the rest of my life, it would be a toss-up between New Zealand against South Africa, New Zealand against the France team of the 1990s, or New Zealand’s firsts against New Zealand’s seconds. They’re that beguiling.

“But amid all the justified hagiography after their success in hanging on to their World Cup, one aspect has gone grievously under-reported. They’re a cynical bunch of b…….

“It started early in Saturday’s final when Aaron Smith, the All Blacks scrum half, appeared to trip over the prostrate body of Stephen Moore, the Wallaby skipper. I say “appeared” because the lawyers would probably balk at something more definitive, but from my vantage point high in Twickenham’s West Stand it seemed as if Smith could have avoided Moore if he had chosen so to do.

“Smith, like most scrum halves, has history. He’ll fire passes at defenders trying to get back onside to get penalties. Sometimes those defenders are consciously slothful, sometimes they are not, but Smith rarely misses an opportunity to ask the question of a referee and – often – buy another penalty.”

Ackford also suggested the All Blacks were guilty of blatant time wasting in the final 10 minutes when the Wallabies were still just one converted try behind on the scoreboard.

“Another example involved the saintly Dan Carter,” he said. “The Special One had a chance of a long-range penalty just inside Australia’s half. The clock showed 73.04. The score was 24-17 to the All Blacks.

“‘Just a minute now. Don’t take too long’, Nigel Owens, the referee, said to Carter. Did Carter listen? Did he heck? He had two thoughts. The first was to make the kick and push New Zealand out of range of a Wallaby comeback. The second was to run down the clock.

“The New Zealand machine slipped into gear. A lackey brought the kicking tee on slowly. Carter went through his methodical, deliberate approach and, after the minute prescribed in the laws had elapsed, had yet to take the kick.

“Owens actually looked at his watch, but Carter seemed to be about to start his run-up so said and did nothing. Carter landed the kick. The clock showed 74.13 when the ball sailed between the uprights.

“Three minutes earlier, New Zealand killed time in another way,” Ackford continued in his column for The Times.

“Again, the score was 24-17. Again, the clock showed that there was under 10 minutes left for Australia to work a miracle and force extra time.

Wah, wah, wah…good grief he sounds like Martyn Bradbury.

“Was it a coincidence in a match where the scrummage had held up reasonably well, this was the moment when we had a number of resets? It might have been, as Owens remarked, that “both sides slipped”, or it might have been that the New Zealand front row were quite happy going to ground and resetting because they knew that the clock doesn’t stop when that happens.”

“One final example. Throughout the match it appeared – that word again – that All Black runners used their colleagues in front of them as shields to obstruct defenders. Again, it is not an apparent practice unique to New Zealand rugby. But, as with most aspects of the sport, they seem to do it better than the rest.

“The tactic goes undetected because it happens in broken play smack bang in the traffic rather than in the more choreographed context of set moves off first phase, and because New Zealand’s footwork is so good that they rarely stay in a straight line long enough for officials to discern the blocking patterns.”

Let me quote Sir Michael Cullen: “We won, you lost, eat that.”


– Fairfax

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.