Brave Gay people in China pledge to not enter into sham marriages with straight people

When you live in a conservative country like China it must take real bravery to come out of the closet. The gay people who have taken part in a social media campaign #I’m gay and won’t marry a straight person# have taken this bravery one step further. It is their hope that it will  gain them support for marriage equality. It is a powerful way of making a very good point. If you won’t accept gay people and expect them to stay in the closet, you are responsible for dooming not only them but other innocent straight men and women to miserable sham marriages.

…Since last week, a number of users on popular microblogging network Sina Weibo have been posting selfies of themselves with the hashtag #I’m gay and won’t marry a straight person#.

Several parents of LGBT people have also posted pictures of themselves with signs declaring they would not pressure their children into marriage.

Picture of Chinese parent holding up a sign declaring they would not pressure their children into marriage.

This Chinese parent is holding up one such sign, which also states her support for gay marriage

The campaign was started by LGBT rights group Pflag China.

Spokesman Zhou Ying told the BBC they had come up with the idea after noticing greater discussion in the media and online on gay rights and the issue of marriages in recent weeks.

Though homosexuality is not illegal in China, gay marriage is still not allowed. On Wednesday a judge ruled a gay couple could not register their marriage in a landmark case.

Last week, a couple of articles in Chinese media – including this Tencent article (in Chinese) – highlighted the plight of women known as “tongqi”, who find themselves in sham marriages with gay men. That prompted much public sympathy for the women and criticism of the men, who were seen as cheats.

“This campaign is not meant as criticism of gay people who marry straight people,” said Zhou Ying.

“We just want to encourage gay people to treasure themselves, to live the lives they want, to be who they truly are… and we want to push the message of equal rights.”

Young people all over China face pressure to marry and start families early, but the problem is even more acute for gay men and lesbians, given conservative attitudes towards homosexuality.

One campaign participant, who wanted to be known as Peng Peng, said: “Many homosexuals because of various pressures get forced into marriages of convenience with straight people, or even real marriages.

“This sort of marriage situation is a form of disloyalty, for many gay people the great institution of marriage has really turned into love’s graveyard.”

Peng Peng said he had posted the photo of himself, adding, “I’m not willing to pretend for others, no matter how big the pressures are, I still want to be my true self, and so I use this campaign to take a stand.”


Picture of Weibo user Who Moved My Noodles

Image copyrightWeibo / @whomovedmynoodles Image caption Peng Peng posted this selfie with a sign of the campaign hashtag

Another participant, lesbian rights activist Han Haiming, posted a picture of herself at the age of 16 on Weibo, saying she had met her first girlfriend at that age.

She said: “If my parents forced me to marry a straight person, it would be akin to pushing me into a furnace.”

“On this point, my family has still been very understanding,” she added, saying she had come out to her parents long ago.

But others are not so lucky. She said she took part so that “we can let more people understand our sentiments, and give us the beginnings of respect”.

“With many LGBTs taking part [in such campaigns], the strength of our masses could at least let others see us with new eyes, and more importantly perhaps we can get the attention of relevant government agencies, and help us win a victory in the future for gay marriage,” she added.

Kenneth Cheung, founder of LGBT rights group Rainbow China, told the BBC that the issue of “tongqi” appeared to have arisen in China due to gay men giving in to social pressure when they reach an older age and marrying straight women.

“I feel that this is a tragedy, both for gay men and these women,” he said.

Picture of Chinese LGBT activist Kenneth Cheung, posted on Weibo

Image copyright Kenneth Cheung Image Mr Cheung (left) posted a picture of himself and his partner Tommy (right) with the campaign hashtag

He is urging more gay men to join the campaign as “firstly this would be a personal assertion – that we are gay men, not monsters. Also, it is a self-constraint, that even if society wishes to discriminate against us, we will not be willing to harm the innocent.

“I hope that when straight people see this, they would understand that the issue of LGBT rights closely affects them too, and thus garner more support for marriage equality.”

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  • CoNZervative

    Did you know that Marriage causes 100% of Divorces? Shocking

  • Crowgirl

    I would have thought that a gay man marrying a lesbian would be making the best of a bad situation – freedom to live your own lives and gets the parentals off your back.

    • spanishbride

      Imagine what it would be like for you to be forced to marry a woman because being straight was considered socially unacceptable? Living a lie is not freedom. Everyone should have the right to share their life intimately with the person they love and in the same home.

      • Crowgirl

        Obviously it’s not ideal, but I don’t see China changing its laws any time soon.

    • Graham Pilgrim

      I suspect that you may have spent too much time watching The Big Bang Theory!

      • Crowgirl

        Not as much as you because I don’t even know who you’re referring to on that show – who is gay?

        • Graham Pilgrim

          No one spends more time watching Big Bang than I do!

  • cows4me

    Maybe they should make the pitch that gay couples usually have a much higher disposable income compared to straight couples. Those in charge are quite interested in people spending money in China.

  • Eddie

    We sometimes lose focus when we look only at out “problems” and forget that so much of the world is not free. Some light has been shined on the Muslim world, including African states, but China has a poor history of human rights also. What condemnations have come from the UN about this? How is New Zealand trying to ensure freedom for all people?