Lycra lice not welcome in Rangiora hotel while their bits are bulging


by Sam Shearwood, via Stuff

Bluntly put:  Nobody wants to be looking at your junk.

A hotel is banning Lycra-clad customers, in an attempt to remove any “unsightly bumps and bulges”.

The Plough Hotel in Rangiora, North Canterbury, is now serving breakfast and owner Mike Saunders wants to up the dress code.

“We just want to set the standards out here in the country and make sure people wear trousers when they go out for breakfast.”

Yes, the only sausages we want to see at breakfast are the ones that are lying next to the bacon, eggs, toast and obligatory tomato.  

He hoped people didn’t take the dress code personally.

“If there’s hordes of cyclists outside threatening to bash us with their bike pumps we can always barricade ourselves in, we’ve got a bit of food and drink here so we should be able to outlast them.”

Pegasus Cycling Club chairwoman Tracy Clark said the move showed a “lack of understanding” about cyclists.

“There’s people in New Zealand now who have grown up disconnected from bicycles, have no understanding of what it is to get out there and ride and see the scenery, they are interested in getting in their car and driving place to place.

“I think it’s just some ignorance or lack of understanding.”

Spokes Canterbury chairman Don Babe said cyclists would just find somewhere else to go.

“Generally a good cycle ride involves some food along the way, if the guy in Rangiora doesn’t want them to go to his place that’s fine, there’s plenty of other places.”

In 2013, Heathcote’s Castle Rock Cafe had a similar sign out front deterring Lycra-clad cyclists.

Cafe manager Amy Grice said the sign had been put up by the former owner because of an incident with a large man in tiny shorts.

An incident with a huge man in tiny shorts is enough to put most people off breakfast.

Good on him.   And as Tracy said, plenty of places remaining where their genital parading ways are accepted.


– Stuff


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  • Carl

    Don’t give Tracy credit she was abusing the guy for his stance, it was Don Babe who said they would go somewhere else.

  • Graham Pilgrim

    I love going to cafes for a morning coffee or breakfast. From my experience, groups of lycra-clad cyclists tend to be very noisy, and a little sweaty, hardly conducive to a quiet coffee and chat with a couple of friends.

    • Hard1

      I don’t dress up like Nigel Mansell to go for a drive, so why do these drips have to imitate professional riders to lower air resistance?. Are they in a hurry to get back home, which they just left?
      By the way, cycling puts 40% of your weight on your penis, which means ” Compression of the perineum can lead to nerve damage, swelling, artery insufficiency (lack of blood flow through the vessel), and even occlusion (blockage) of blood vessels, which in turn can lead to temporary or permanent groin numbness, tingling sensations, decreased penile blood supply, erectile dysfunction (impotence), decreased orgasm sensitivity, and pain. These cycling-related perineal symptoms are avoidable only with a split seat”

      • “I don’t dress up like Nigel Mansell to go for a drive, so why do these drips have to imitate professional riders to lower air resistance?. Are they in a hurry to get back home, which they just left?”

        Quote of the day :D

      • willtin

        Apparently it also causes a sense of privilege beyond common courtesy.

      • Effluent

        I didn’t want to know that, and now that you have brought it to my attention, I can’t expunge the horrible concept from my mind.

      • Dave

        Excellent, we should have the Public Health service print that on little cards, so they can be left on all bikes outside pubs and cafe’s. Wonder if the cyclists will realize what we are laughing at from now on. I also suggest Mike Saunders has it on his sign for next weekend, just to have the last laugh.

      • KatB

        It’s just more comfortable to cycle in something that moves as you do and doesn’t flap around and get caught in your chain. It’s actually just common sense.

      • taxpayer

        Yep and if they really want to imitate professional riders maybe they should take a lot of performance enhancing drugs before they leave, then lie about it for as long as they can, while bullying those around them to stay silent too.

    • Wasapilot

      And many of them where those shoes with cleats, which make a hell of a racket when they walk on concrete or timber floors.

      A 50 something year old wearing tight clothing with logos all over it, with noisy shoes. Go figure.

    • Asian_driver

      I could let it slide if they were women

      • OT Richter

        Exactly. You can bet your tight pants that Mike Saunders wouldn’t complain if there was moose-knuckle or camel-toe on display. He most likely doesn’t like breastfeeding in public also. The guy should grow up.

        • Miss Phit

          Id put moose knuckle in the large man with small pants category. Neither of them should be on display.

  • Crowgirl

    This issue is as simple as them taking some cover-up pants with them for the after-ride brekkie. If they think they’re too good for that, I wouldn’t want them in my establishment anyway.

  • sheppy

    Having recently investigated such items before heading off on the Wilderness Trail, I discovered that versions of the shorts are available with the padding to cope with several hours in the saddle that have normal shorts over the top so it’s not that they have to display everything.
    As usual there are those moronic types who feel entitled to do whatever they want and stuff everyone else!

  • Hard1

    “Pegasus Cycling Club chairwoman Tracy Clark said the move showed a “lack of understanding” about cyclists.”
    No Tracy, just wearing stretch wrap over your privates at eye level in a public food premises shows a lack of understanding about public decency and why it is respected.

    • Kiwi Sapper

      That, my dear Hard1, is exactly what I was about to post…….I could not have said it better myself.

  • Dave

    Dear Tracey Clarke and Don Babe. It seems some of your members might be challenged to think of alternatives. Its allvery simple really, so I suggest…….

    Strapped to their back hydration pack or somewhere similar, they could carry a lightweight pair of trousers. Then all they need do, is dismount, lock their bikes together so the ferals cant steal them, Pull on the trousers over their lycra, plus some underarm Deodorant – problem solved, then off to the pub.

    PS: Its the same at Remuera, and many spots on the north shore on Saturday mornings, the smelly lycra brigade seem to think its okay to stink out a cafe.

  • Dan

    Oh so now we have to “understand” the cyclists. Perhaps these cyclists need to “understand” that I, like many others want to sit and have a quiet coffee without being distracted by lycra and the bulges thereunder. And yes, I have worn bike pants when mountain biking and yes, they are more comfortable and reduce chafing, and dare I say it, they were lycra, but come hell or high water, you wont see me in a cafe strutting my stuff. (Which is a good thing for all!) For goodness sake, put shorts in your backbacks to cover up the frontpack!

  • willtin

    I realise my leather jacket might perturb the odd café patron when I stop for a coffee on a ride, but it’s not like I’m wearing my budgie smugglers. Beach wear or bike wear – keep it there!

  • hookerphil

    I go riding quite regularly 1 – 4 hours (25 to 100+ kms) in my lycra shorts. I go from home and return to home without stopping and certainly do not go into a shop.
    When I was tour cycling in Australia and Europe I had good gear with padded shorts but they looked like shorts with pockets. The bike shoes had clips but were so designed to look like an ordinary shoes and I could walk without clicking.
    Whats with all the sitting around drinking coffee guys, go on, get a bike.

  • Huia

    Are they going to introduce a similar dress code for women with their boobs hanging out? personally I dislike having a belling button with a bit of steel through it being level with my plate of food as well.
    Good point about the lycra shorts though.

    • willtin

      There are definitely two different standards of exposure limits. Male Vs Female. I argue with my wife that too many women expose too much for my liking. Whenever I meet anyone, I want to talk to their eyes and not be distracted by their naked chest.

    • KatB

      As long as the ban applies to the lycra clad women off to the gym as well.

      • FornaK

        Aw I’m sorry Kat, you’ve gone to far with the banning of Lycra clad women at the gym.
        That usually provides the motivation for most of us males of get off our butts and get to the gym!!!

        • KatB

          No, they can still where their Lycra at the gym, just not at cafes. Got to be fair with these Lycra rules. I’m starting to feel a bit excluded as a Lycra clad female cyclist lol.

  • metalnwood

    Then there was the other bar owners, who were next to victoria park who were very ‘flamboyant’ themselves, whenever they served up sausage for breakfast it was always sculpted and circumcised. Not what you might expect to be looking at you from your plate.

  • Miss Phit

    How about the cyclists remember that their sweaty bits have been placed onto the seat that I will be forced to use after them. Due to their exercise no doubt the lycra doesnt absorb anything so a “butt print” is the likely result – yuck.

    By all means ride your bikes, but dont clutter the sidewalk and areas around cafes with them, go home, have a showwr and come back clean in a car like normal people.


    • kayaker

      Speaking of butt prints – similar yuck when the person before you on the gym circuit leaves one and doesn’t wipe down the seat with the hygiene cloths and spray provided. For such offenders, I make a point of spraying and wiping while administering The Stare in their direction.

  • Woody

    I ride a bike, I wear shorts that look like shorts. Many of the lycra clad men I have had the misfortune to see seem to loud and brash as well as exhibitionists who think that everyone needs to cop a look at their package. No we don’t.

    Good number of years since I was last in the Plough

  • Paul Marsden

    The establishment owner can ban whom he wants, and the cyclists can wear what they want, but…. just not in his place.His place, his rules. What part of that do they not understand?? The bitter irony for these lycra wearing cyclists, is that there is mountains of evidenced-based research proving that lycra attired cyclists are rendering themselves infertile. I guess God works in mysterious ways.

  • FornaK

    Why don’t these MAMILS man up and walk into a pub dressed like that, and see what kind of a reaction they get.
    Bet they won’t be so much of an exhibitionist there

  • killermoe

    And who was the former owner of Castle Rock Cafe….. Mike Saunders

  • HR

    I don’t mind them wearing the lycra, but sometimes it is the fact the gentlemen wearing the lycra have often seen better days that is disturbing. My wife has a saying, “just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it”.

  • ridsel

    I agree with the guy, but it’s a shame his standards don’t extend to a ban on white-guy dreads.

  • kayaker

    They could always carry a pair of boardies or trusty stubbies in their backpack to slip on when stopping for munchies.