How to beat Donald Trump – treat him like the two year old he is


Donald Trump is basically a two year old…and he needs to be treated like one.

As the emotional equivalent of a toddler, Trump can’t articulate the rage he feels, and the interrogations at news conferences seem to make him only angrier. The press is not Trump’s keeper, but we can help him better handle confrontation. Here’s how:

First, you can’t manage a toddler if you play his game. And in this, we’ve failed with Trump. He never howls for no reason. Indeed, if you go look at the history, we’ve reinforced his anti-social behaviors for an entire year by giving him extra attention every time he throws a nationally televised tantrum. Then, we compound the problem by indulging our natural reflex to lash back at his anger with equal anger, returning his name-calling with name-calling of our own, labeling him a “fascist,” “thug,” a “bully” and more. But this natural reflex is wrong. It only escalates the situation, encouraging a new round of name-calling, and if there’s one thing you don’t want to do is get in a name-calling contest with someone so emotionally stunted and so talented at giving nicknames (“Lyin’ Ted,” “Crooked Hillary,” “Little Marco,” “Crazy Bernie,” “Pocahontas,” et al.).  

Second, the press needs to be more practical. Sometimes when a toddler acts out the way Trump does, the underlying cause is quite simple. He’s tired. If so, put him down for a nap. Or he’s hungry. Feed him! That’s the route the Hollywood Reporter’s Michael Wolff took recently when he accompanied Baby Donald to his Beverly Hills home to interview him. Donald has been putting in long hours on the campaign, obviously neglecting his material needs. So what did Wolff do to calm the irritable boy down? I can’t recommend this for every frenzy, but having allowed Donald to eat a pint of vanilla Haagen-Dazs ice cream seems to have stilled his anger for the evening.

Third, offer some distractions. The smart parent always keeps in reserve ways to distract his toddler. In Baby Donald’s case, the solution seems to be a few beautiful young women, preferably “10s,” just outside his field of vision. When he starts blustering, place the 10 in front of him and maybe give him a binky to suck on. Other times, all the anger management he needs can be found in burning some of his excess energy off. Try arranging a play date for him with Silvio Berlusconi or Bill Clinton or Ron Burkle, all of whom share his interests.

Positive reinforcement helps, too. Whenever an hour or two passes without him insulting somebody as ugly, a fool, a dummy, dopey, a lowlife, a clown, a dog, a lightweight, a disaster, stupid, grubby, nasty, incompetent or one of his other pet epithets, give him the praise he needs to develop into an ethically centered, considerate human being. “You were such a good boy today,” will succeed in shaping him a lot further than the biting criticism so many have used against him. Remember to be consistent and not to get emotional in your responses. This is when he needs your understanding the most.

As a last resort, you might want to punish Baby Donald if he refuses to behave. What thing in life does he treasure more than than Twitter? If we could only convince him that Twitter is a privilege, not a right, and the punishment for bad behavior will be loss of his account, maybe total Trump behavior modification would be possible. If we really intend to take his Twitter away, we’ll need to bring muscle: He’s not going to surrender it without a fight.

One note of caution: parents who fail to pacify their unruly toddlers too often surrender by parking them in front of a television. This a terrible, terrible stopgap. It may provide some temporary peace, but in the long run it will only teach new anti-social lessons. There’s really only one thing worse that you could do than putting Baby Donald in front of a TV. And that’s putting him in front of a TV camera.

All sound advice, but Donald Trump is a billionaire two year old with a capacity to learn fast. He’s destroyed every political playbook this past year…watch him destroy some more as he goes up against Hillary Clinton.


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  • Old Kiwi

    To use the media analogy if DT is a two year old then the Media isn’t even a twinkle in their daddy’s eye. Trump has been so far ahead of the media all the way through that he has shown wisdom well beyond his 2 years. I find it hilarious. Looking at the two videos on the the kids books this morning – he has a wonderful sense of humour. That will serve him well in the months ahead.

    • geoff2112

      Yeah, he’s a right toddler….crazy Bernie…..what a terrible thing to say…snigger

  • RightofSingapore

    Just more personal attacks from the Left. They don’t realise the irony in calling Trump nasty when the nastiest stuff comes from the Left as we’ve seen in NZ. Trump is simply calling out the hateful Left and dopey media proxies, he’s a counterpuncher, you hit him he hits you back harder. If they don’t like Trump attacking them, then they to stop being dishonest mongrels. #Buildthewall.

    • biscuit barrel

      Trump is the dishonest one.
      Debate with Bernie ,. yeah nah
      Donations to veterans charities, only when media hounded him, and then he said they were unfair. ?

      • Deborah Lancaster

        Trump had been donating millions to the veterans for years. He even rescued a veterans support group in NY from bankruptcy multiple times. Im not even going into all the other places he and his kids have donated to. What has Bernie done other than not have an actual job until his forties? What has Hillary done other than exchange weapons for “donations” with questionable countries?

      • Metricman

        Who’s narrative are you reading from?

        • Boondecker

          I suggest it’s from the stuff put out die-hard neverTrumpists or the usual Democrat hounds. They make a lot of noise which is then picked up by the liberal media in the US (CNN, MSNBC and the like) and pumped out there as fact. If you read it, it always just comes across as ‘opinion’ – that way they can avoid being sued.

          As Trump referenced it himself – the ‘”sleazy” liberal media types are in a feeding frenzy right now. Others then pick it up and repeat it like an echo.

  • Keeping Stock

    I’m looking forward to Hillary Clinton taking this advice and using it against Trump. The result won’t be pretty, but it’ll be the best show in town as he politically eviscerates her.

  • Wangas Feral

    This article shows that the media think that it is their job to oppose or deal with Trump. The entire tone is how to bring him down so that Hillary doesn’t have to.

  • Old Dig

    Wow the MSM are getting desperate. I can’t wait to see the epic tantrums the lefties throw when Trump wins. People are sick to the back teeth of all the PC rubbish, illegal immigration, spineless politicians, biased agenda driven lefty media, and the brainwashing of college students. The liberals are destroying America.

  • Iva b ginn

    God!! Don’t they just” HATE” success.

    • biscuit barrel

      Ask those people who thought they were buying success from ‘Trump University’

      • The Clintons are in way deeper when it comes to “for profit education”. Billy boy received millions via a shell company so it didn’t go through the foundation. It’s going to be an entertaining election

  • Edward M Blake

    “Twitter is a privilege, not a right, and the punishment for bad behavior will be loss of his account.”
    Ha ha… The over Lord’s have spoken.
    Any sane rational person does not see Twitter in that light. Twitter is the portal into the hive mind that has zombiefied the media party, public servants and other associated Luvvies. These people are no longer capable of original thought and are completely lost with out it. Why risk expressing a unauthorised opinion when you can espouse authorized platitudes and receive praise for it.
    Donald Trump runs ring’s around these clowns because he has tapped in to the frustration of the unassimilated. To a degree his opinions don’t need to be right or consistent, they just have to be his own. After an age of coaching, media training and focus groups it nice to hear a willingness to have an opinion on something. The opposite of that would be Mark Sainsbury interviewing Phill Goff. Muzak would have more hook and punch.

  • Ross15

    It seems to me that the writer is the 2year old . He is basically saying –how dare someone come along and upset our cosy relationships. How dare someone go against what we say , we’ll lose control of the message ( or at least the control they thought they’ve had).
    The writer is acting like the spoilt brat.

  • Davo42

    Watch the youtube videos of a younger Trump talking about the Presidency and you will discover he is playing them all.

  • JohnO

    Trump is a skilled negotiator and projects his persona with power….which is why this democratic party maladiction has been written. The Democratic party knows they are highly likely to loose the election against Trump and spend the next eight years in the political wilderness.

  • Des

    The appropriate thing to do would be to not acknowledge him, derive him of oxygen. Yet again the Don has won, because journalists just can’t stop talking about him.

  • Duchess of Pork

    It’s also possible for a detached observer to admire the raw emotion, the vitality, passion and determination that underpins a tantrum. Trump exhibits all these qualities together with a patriotism which seems sadly lacking in his female counterpart who of late displays a more unhealthy propensity to petulant whining.

    • JLS

      Not to mention intelligence. I’ve read most of his books and they are as good as any others in their field- he is the real McCoy, unlike the Hill o’ beans he’ll be running against and scattering far and wide in the process. Looking forward to it and then him getting down to business.

  • Paul Marsden

    Well then, looks like the US is going to have the first President in its history, who’s a 2 year old. Should be interesting.