How to beat Donald Trump – treat him like the two year old he is

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Donald Trump is basically a two year old…and he needs to be treated like one.

As the emotional equivalent of a toddler, Trump can’t articulate the rage he feels, and the interrogations at news conferences seem to make him only angrier. The press is not Trump’s keeper, but we can help him better handle confrontation. Here’s how:

First, you can’t manage a toddler if you play his game. And in this, we’ve failed with Trump. He never howls for no reason. Indeed, if you go look at the history, we’ve reinforced his anti-social behaviors for an entire year by giving him extra attention every time he throws a nationally televised tantrum. Then, we compound the problem by indulging our natural reflex to lash back at his anger with equal anger, returning his name-calling with name-calling of our own, labeling him a “fascist,” “thug,” a “bully” and more. But this natural reflex is wrong. It only escalates the situation, encouraging a new round of name-calling, and if there’s one thing you don’t want to do is get in a name-calling contest with someone so emotionally stunted and so talented at giving nicknames (“Lyin’ Ted,” “Crooked Hillary,” “Little Marco,” “Crazy Bernie,” “Pocahontas,” et al.).  

Second, the press needs to be more practical. Sometimes when a toddler acts out the way Trump does, the underlying cause is quite simple. He’s tired. If so, put him down for a nap. Or he’s hungry. Feed him! That’s the route the Hollywood Reporter’s Michael Wolff took recently when he accompanied Baby Donald to his Beverly Hills home to interview him. Donald has been putting in long hours on the campaign, obviously neglecting his material needs. So what did Wolff do to calm the irritable boy down? I can’t recommend this for every frenzy, but having allowed Donald to eat a pint of vanilla Haagen-Dazs ice cream seems to have stilled his anger for the evening.

Third, offer some distractions. The smart parent always keeps in reserve ways to distract his toddler. In Baby Donald’s case, the solution seems to be a few beautiful young women, preferably “10s,” just outside his field of vision. When he starts blustering, place the 10 in front of him and maybe give him a binky to suck on. Other times, all the anger management he needs can be found in burning some of his excess energy off. Try arranging a play date for him with Silvio Berlusconi or Bill Clinton or Ron Burkle, all of whom share his interests.

Positive reinforcement helps, too. Whenever an hour or two passes without him insulting somebody as ugly, a fool, a dummy, dopey, a lowlife, a clown, a dog, a lightweight, a disaster, stupid, grubby, nasty, incompetent or one of his other pet epithets, give him the praise he needs to develop into an ethically centered, considerate human being. “You were such a good boy today,” will succeed in shaping him a lot further than the biting criticism so many have used against him. Remember to be consistent and not to get emotional in your responses. This is when he needs your understanding the most.

As a last resort, you might want to punish Baby Donald if he refuses to behave. What thing in life does he treasure more than than Twitter? If we could only convince him that Twitter is a privilege, not a right, and the punishment for bad behavior will be loss of his account, maybe total Trump behavior modification would be possible. If we really intend to take his Twitter away, we’ll need to bring muscle: He’s not going to surrender it without a fight.

One note of caution: parents who fail to pacify their unruly toddlers too often surrender by parking them in front of a television. This a terrible, terrible stopgap. It may provide some temporary peace, but in the long run it will only teach new anti-social lessons. There’s really only one thing worse that you could do than putting Baby Donald in front of a TV. And that’s putting him in front of a TV camera.

All sound advice, but Donald Trump is a billionaire two year old with a capacity to learn fast. He’s destroyed every political playbook this past year…watch him destroy some more as he goes up against Hillary Clinton.


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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.

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