Dear Prime Minister

by George

Rugby Union - 2011 World Cup - Opening Ceremony - Eden Park

We thank you for your kind offer of settlement in New Zealand.

We have considered the pros and cons of accepting this offer and have chosen to decline your invitation. I can assure you that we didn’t come to this decision lightly. Initially, we were very excited at the prospect of becoming citizens of, what we were led to believe was, one of the most sought-after locations on Earth. Our excitement motivated us to embark on some research of the country that could potentially become our new home. So, we thought your leading newspaper, the New Zealand Herald, would give us a balanced view of the day-to-day life in your country. What we observed horrified us.

We have come to the conclusion that the Paradise of the South Pacific, which is promoted as a country of milk and honey, is no more than a myth propagated by a dictatorial, corrupt capitalist regime intent on bringing your country to its knees. So Prime Minister, we observed that our only accommodation would be an abandoned vehicle or a park bench. Furthermore, your health and education has plummeted to below third-world expectations and children are dying through government neglect. Unemployment is out of control and the few who are fortunate enough to have a job will be sacked after ninety days.

No Prime Minister, I will not subject my family to such degradation. Here in Syria, we at least have water without fluoride and can identify which toilet to use without political intervention. What clearly promoted our decision, however, was that Syria is spared the indignity of having a Green political party headed by Metiria Turei. So, we have chosen to stay.

Again thank you for your kind offer.
Yours sincerely
Obla de obla da

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